So I am assuming you get “holiday” (aka Christmas/Hanukah/kwanza, you name the heritage, I’ll give you a holiday) cards from your friends. I have some friends who live far away and don’t keep in touch very well. They find it necessary to write what I like to call “my year in review” notes. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE getting the notes and hearing what they are up to. I tend to write them too…telling all the cool and interesting things that happened to me and my family in the past year. This year, I couldn’t do that. It’s been another rough year. Here’s what my year summary would look like.
Well, at midnight beginning of 2007 I said, “good fucking riddance to 2006. Next year has got to be better” as the shell dropped in Key west. Yeah, Key West Florida. Would have been a great trip but the guy I went with was a complete and utter dud! Sucks cuz we were friends and I thought this would be the beginning of a great relationship. But no, somehow his extreme introverted behavior had never been noticed by me…until that vacation. But, I did get to go kayaking, snorkeling, and see a hammerhead shark up close. The shark was really cool!
I can’t really remember the spring. Guess nothing fabulous happened during those months. Oh yeah, met “psycho guy”. Well he wasn’t psycho when we met. Was cute, sweet, and fun to be around but he was still reeling from a cheating wife and I needed to cut that cord and quick. I knew exactly where he was emotionally and it wasn’t safe for me. So when I broke up with him, I discovered his psycho tendencies. HOLY moley, did he scare the crap out of me speeding on some winding roads. Roomie got a “here’s where to find my dead body” text from me that day. But, he spared my life and I ran, not walked, to the nearest exit!!!! To his credit, this was just temporary insanity onset by lying, cheating, selfish, uncaring woman. But still scary none the less!
Then in the beginning of June, my grandmother fell and broke her hip. She went into the hospital. I took a trip up to visit and it was sad to see how sick she was. She was too sick to get the surgery to fix her hip. She wanted to die rather than live in pain, so I learned to pray for death for one of the people I’ve loved the most in the world – a person who NEVER let me down and was my role model. Yea that sucked. What sucked worse was she didn’t die. She encouraged my sister and I to take our daughters on our trip to Venice, Italy. It was our trip to my grandparents “homeland” to celebrate our heritage. We went and it was a good trip. Took lots of pictures and the girls were very well behaved, even if ill matched in personality.
My roomie was away and I missed her. But got close to my other bestest friend in the world. Thank God for her on July 7, because she went with me to the vet when, my faithful companion of 10 years passed away. He was the best boy I could have ever hoped for. He never let me down. I was pretty sure he wouldn’t outlive me, but hadn’t expected him to die so soon. His heart was broken, just like mine. I’m not sure the lesson God wanted me to learn in this one. I still don’t understand why he put me through that. I loved scrappy more than can be expressed.
September 17, God finally had mercy on my Grandmother’s ailing body and took her to heaven. Her last words to me were, “don’t worry honey, you don’t have to get married if you don’t want to.” She was such a good woman. While it can be a sad time, my family was all relieved her suffering had finally ended. During the funeral, I came to understand why God didn’t grant my (saint of a woman) grandmother’s wish to die. Grandpa was heartbroken. All he could do was to tell everyone how letting her go is so hard, how lonely he is and how much he misses grandma. It was one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard anyone ever say. God had kept Grandma alive to help Grandpa adjust. It had to be.
During the fall, I got promoted at work and now have two great guys working for me. Yippee!!!! Only other noteworthy fall stuff... two more failed relationships. Both, so promising at first, but not even really worth mentioning. I’m amazed at the immaturity that men can exhibit. They were definitely not members of the "stronger sex" - WTF????
One December 6, my Grandfather took his life. He couldn’t bear to be without Grandma. My heart was broken yet again. They spent 71 Christmas eves together and I keep telling myself they will be together this one. That is, if God is as good as I hope and He forgives my Grandpa for taking his life. I have to believe He has and Grandma is giving Grandpa grief for disturbing her “peace”. I still can’t write about how broken hearted I am over it. It’s as if I’m numb.
So that was my year in review. Not a very joyful and triumphant card…wouldn't you say?
So this new years, instead of saying “good f-ing riddance to 2007; it’s got to get better, right?” I won’t tempt God into showing me how strong I am and how much more I can handle in my life.
Well, at midnight beginning of 2007 I said, “good fucking riddance to 2006. Next year has got to be better” as the shell dropped in Key west. Yeah, Key West Florida. Would have been a great trip but the guy I went with was a complete and utter dud! Sucks cuz we were friends and I thought this would be the beginning of a great relationship. But no, somehow his extreme introverted behavior had never been noticed by me…until that vacation. But, I did get to go kayaking, snorkeling, and see a hammerhead shark up close. The shark was really cool!
I can’t really remember the spring. Guess nothing fabulous happened during those months. Oh yeah, met “psycho guy”. Well he wasn’t psycho when we met. Was cute, sweet, and fun to be around but he was still reeling from a cheating wife and I needed to cut that cord and quick. I knew exactly where he was emotionally and it wasn’t safe for me. So when I broke up with him, I discovered his psycho tendencies. HOLY moley, did he scare the crap out of me speeding on some winding roads. Roomie got a “here’s where to find my dead body” text from me that day. But, he spared my life and I ran, not walked, to the nearest exit!!!! To his credit, this was just temporary insanity onset by lying, cheating, selfish, uncaring woman. But still scary none the less!
Then in the beginning of June, my grandmother fell and broke her hip. She went into the hospital. I took a trip up to visit and it was sad to see how sick she was. She was too sick to get the surgery to fix her hip. She wanted to die rather than live in pain, so I learned to pray for death for one of the people I’ve loved the most in the world – a person who NEVER let me down and was my role model. Yea that sucked. What sucked worse was she didn’t die. She encouraged my sister and I to take our daughters on our trip to Venice, Italy. It was our trip to my grandparents “homeland” to celebrate our heritage. We went and it was a good trip. Took lots of pictures and the girls were very well behaved, even if ill matched in personality.
My roomie was away and I missed her. But got close to my other bestest friend in the world. Thank God for her on July 7, because she went with me to the vet when, my faithful companion of 10 years passed away. He was the best boy I could have ever hoped for. He never let me down. I was pretty sure he wouldn’t outlive me, but hadn’t expected him to die so soon. His heart was broken, just like mine. I’m not sure the lesson God wanted me to learn in this one. I still don’t understand why he put me through that. I loved scrappy more than can be expressed.
September 17, God finally had mercy on my Grandmother’s ailing body and took her to heaven. Her last words to me were, “don’t worry honey, you don’t have to get married if you don’t want to.” She was such a good woman. While it can be a sad time, my family was all relieved her suffering had finally ended. During the funeral, I came to understand why God didn’t grant my (saint of a woman) grandmother’s wish to die. Grandpa was heartbroken. All he could do was to tell everyone how letting her go is so hard, how lonely he is and how much he misses grandma. It was one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard anyone ever say. God had kept Grandma alive to help Grandpa adjust. It had to be.
During the fall, I got promoted at work and now have two great guys working for me. Yippee!!!! Only other noteworthy fall stuff... two more failed relationships. Both, so promising at first, but not even really worth mentioning. I’m amazed at the immaturity that men can exhibit. They were definitely not members of the "stronger sex" - WTF????
One December 6, my Grandfather took his life. He couldn’t bear to be without Grandma. My heart was broken yet again. They spent 71 Christmas eves together and I keep telling myself they will be together this one. That is, if God is as good as I hope and He forgives my Grandpa for taking his life. I have to believe He has and Grandma is giving Grandpa grief for disturbing her “peace”. I still can’t write about how broken hearted I am over it. It’s as if I’m numb.
So that was my year in review. Not a very joyful and triumphant card…wouldn't you say?
So this new years, instead of saying “good f-ing riddance to 2007; it’s got to get better, right?” I won’t tempt God into showing me how strong I am and how much more I can handle in my life.
I will praise him for removing the cancerous weasel ex husband from my life – especially knowing he could have never handled the emotional turmoil that was my life this past year. I will praise Him for letting me say goodbye to my grandparents and my dog. I will praise Him for the wonderful friends he has sent to help me through these difficult times. And I will beg Him not to take them away. I’ll praise Him for the beautiful daughter who seems to be maturing and pray He will keep her safe (please, please, please). I’ll praise him for the cute puppy that Roomie brought home against my wishes. And, I’ll ask Him to take care of them when they move out. Finally, I’ll praise Him for teaching me all about bad relationships and how to break them off quickly – like ripping off that band-aid, amazing how much it doesn't hurt! And, beg him to either send me the man he wants me to be with or to take the longing from my heart.
Please Lord, hear my voice because truly, I am sure I can’t take much more heartache.
