Sneak and Destroy

She’s the cutest little black fur ball with white paws. She was only coming for a visit! Yeah, I was foolish enough to believe that line. I mean, this is a line I tried to use on my parents. But since it wasn’t a child or teenager telling me, I believed the lie. “Of course she can visit – you live here, too,” I tell my 28 year old room mate. “Just don’t let my daughter meet her.”

I come home from work to find the cutest puppy in the world curled up on the couch with …you guessed it, my daughter. She and the dog were both sleeping, both looking so innocent and adorable. The room mate, she was no where to be seen. Hmmmm…..

A couple of days later, my daughter tells me, “her white paws looks like she is wearing mittens. I think she should be named Mittens, but that’s a cat’s name.”
“Then she can be called gloves”
“That’s stupid! What else could she be called?”
Sigh. I am obviously not going to end this discussion with my flippant remarks. I need to come up with a viable name for the puppy or this game will go on forever. “How about Mitsi? It’s short for mittens.”
Then, my crafty daughter says to me, “Well, if we name her, we’ll have to keep her.”
So I ask, “What did Roommate tell you when she brought this puppy home?”
Sheepishly my daughter says, “Well…..” (Her favorite stall line as she decides whether or not a lie will be a better answer than the truth.) “She told me that if we kept her around for a few days, you’d fall in love with her and we would be able to keep her.”

So, about a year later, Mitsi is still living with us. Although last night, I changed her name to Sneak and Destroy. This little beast, who is still absolutely adorable, which is the only reason she is still alive, mind you, has a vindictive streak a mile wide. We crate her when we are not home because she thinks shoes are good food. The crate moratorium went into effect the day I came home to find my favorite black shoes ripped to shreds on my floor (along with a couple other pairs of shoes strewn through out the house for good measure). So, I think, crate her furry butt when we aren’t here – problem solved. Right?

Every day when I come home from work/working out, I let her out of her crate feed her, play with her, take her outside to run around, cuddle her, love her, etc. Give her all the attention she lacked all day. Last night, after taking her outside, after playing ball and fetch with her, after petting and cuddling her, I was on the floor doing sit-ups. Mitsi decides to help by sitting on my chest and licking my face. Eventually she becomes bored of this game. I continue my sit-ups, only to find out she has snuck off, pulled the garbage out of the bathroom can and proceeded to shred it.

This isn’t the first time she has snuck off to grab and chew something that doesn’t belong to her. You’d think the dog was deprived. She only has about 27 stuffed toys, three raw hide bones, a couple of balls and other toys strewn throughout the house. But, instead she goes for socks, underwear, tissues and paper. She also seems to think that her chi is disturbed if the dirt isn’t dug out of the pots of my floor plants and a couple of leaves shredded besides them. She won’t do these things in front of us. She sneaks away and hides in another room as she destroys what she finds. I’m pretty sure she is at the teenage years of doggy land because she KNOWS she is being bad and still can’t help herself. The excitement of stealing things and tearing them up is just too hard to resist! It gets her adrenaline going! And, I'm starting to believe, she is an adrenaline junkie!

At this point, all I can say is she’s lucky she’s so dang cute!

Another one bites the dust...

I like men who are assertive. Not aggressive, not bossy, but assertive. Assertive doesn't mean you can't be kind and polite, but it does mean you ask for what you want. You don't let people walk all over you and then whine about it or wear it like a badge of honor. The sneaky sleezy ex was not assertive. And, I attribute much of the heart break he caused me to be a result of his non-assertive (aka pussy-ass) tendancies. I think much of it could have been avoided if he had just been able to ask for what he wanted. This is a major contributer to my feelings of disdain for potential mates who are non-assertive.

Unfortunately, the genius has fallen to this level. I had suspected he was a bit of puss when he told me about making soup but not delivering because he didn't have the nads to tell his ex-wife and her friend to leave a bowl of soup for his sick friend. He said he sat there feeling at a loss of words to have an excuse to ask them not to eat all the soup. I wanted to say - why not the truth. why not say, "I'd like to take a bowl of soup to my sick friend, so please leave one." If this were the only incident, I wouldn't call puss. But, coupled with other incidents, my conclusion is puss. So, the genius's application for boyfriend has been denied. I'll be his friend, but nothing more.

What's wrong with me?

I don’t understand why guys don’t ask me out. I just don’t get it. I’ve been told many times that I’m pretty. I have a pretty face. My hair is fabulous (it’s the one thing I love about me) – it’s long and while not blonde, a pretty brunette. Zodiac told me the guys check me out at the gym all the time. Since there’s a lot of female eye candy at the gym, if guys are looking at me it must means I have to have a decent body. Right? I know my legs are kicking (hee hee – very punny). So, what is it about me that guys don’t like? Why don’t they ask me out? Zodiac said it was the way I carried myself - like I already had a boyfriend or husband. What does that mean? How am I supposed to carry myself? Do I have to wear a sign that says, “single and would consider a date with you…if you aren’t weird, fat, or overly hairy.”

And, what is it with online dating? I don’t understand why I don’t hear back from the guys that are decent looking. I don’t think my pictures are that bad. I know I don’t photograph great and most guys say I look better in person. But it can't be that drastic of a difference. So why can’t I get guys to try and meet me? It seems like the only ones that write (either first or back) turn out to be duds. I’ve even checked out the competition (yes, I actually looked at other girl’s sites) and they aren’t any prettier than me. I don’t have a ton of stuff in my profile, so I can’t see that putting guys off. I just really don’t get it. I feel like writing the guys and asking, “hey I’d really like some constructive criticism as to what is wrong with my profile. So, can you please tell me why you didn’t write back to me?” Yeah, I’d immediately be tagged as a “crazy bitch”. But dang, why don’t they think I’m worth 5 minutes and an email. I’m sure if they saw me in a bar/restaurant/coffee shop, they’d be checking me out. Guys always do…actually that is how I can tell if a guy is single, married or gay. I can almost always see it in the way they look or don’t look at me. Gay guys actually appreciate my beauty, but don’t have the lust behind their eyes! Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’m drop dead gorgeous, but I’ve yet to meet someone who meets me for the first time and guesses my age within 5 years! They always suspect me to be 5-10 years younger. So that tells me I’m well preserved, if nothing else. I am short – but it can’t be that. So really what is it?

I miss the 80’s. I had my choice of guys back then. None of them were married. Most were interested and if they weren’t, I could win them over. Of course, looking back, they all had bad hair. Now-a-days, most don’t have any hair! Ha! I do miss the 80’s! But worm holes don’t exist, so I guess I’m stuck in the present (not even a cool decade…the 00’s wtf?) realizing that I don’t understand men (I used to think I did) and probably never will. The funny part is I’m kinda okay with that.

The list

So as we all know, my roomie is in a land far, far away for the summer. It sucks. I miss seeing her, talking to her and just having her presence in my life. It really sucks. I've been sick and that sucks too. I know if she were home she'd make me potato soup. That never sucks. I've had various men make me offers to bring me food and stuff to make me feel better. But none of their food will ever be as good as her soup. I know this!

I was trying to tell her about who offered me what and she was confused. Couldn't remember which guy was which. So here's the list so she can keep 'em straight.

I'm running down the road trying to loosen my load I've got seven men on my mind, Four that want to own me, two that want to stone me, one says he's a friend of mine.... Funny thing is the song kind of fits!

List for C2. Keep in a safe place!!!!

The genius: PhD. Likes wine, hiking and white water kayaking. Is divorced with 2 kids. Has a small apartment with no stove. Pays wife alimony to keep house for kids. Was a Mormon and then a Quaker. Funny, intelligent, a bit dorky. Not sure of chemistry there. Chicken soup email.

Number 5: Met him on my birthday. Works for Parks. Lives in OM. Knows all the hikes in the area. Vegetarian. never been married. He is a bit odd and not sure I feel like seeing him any more. He's dependable, though.

PR guy: met him for first time - drinks at GT last week. Fun evening - he didn't mind the trivia game going on and seemed to enjoy the geekiness. Divorced with 13 year old son. In public relations but writes not clearly! Tall and cute. I think he drinks too much, though. He loves my calves. Texts me and keeps in touch. Lives too far away for any real relationship, IMO. He is entertaining, though.

Frenchie: His family is French and he lived in Nepal for awhile. Is divorced from a Nepalese woman who lives in the states. Has a teenage daughter. Has been in France/Canada for the past month. Should be back on Friday. I like him best so far...but I"m guessing this is because I have no idea where I stand!

Vanilla: Lived further away but is moving to town where I work. Went on two or three dates. Blew him off (not really just cancelled claiming malaise) on fourth date (to go see a movie I wasn't into) to go out with La Tres Amigas. He never called again. Correction: he called me again but never left a message.

Health Consultant: Engineer who is starting his own fitness consulting business. Real food freak. Sent email that I thought was blow off and he insisted wasn't but I'm pretty sure it was (he writes: I'm busy for the next month). He just wants to be friends because he claimed he needs to take it slow, shouldn't have put himself out there and he's just not ready for a relationship, etc. But he updated his profile and pictures and has been out on the dating sight. I think he is a ball-less freak. Should have just told me I'm not interested. I'm not probably going to bother with him any more.

Too new for a nickname: I meet him for the first time tomorrow. He's Asian and seems really sweet (but not that cute in his picture). Already decided we'd just be friends because we have different religious views. He's a mathematician and has been to my Alma mater to visit a friend who teaches there.

Okay, that does it. Seven guys for seven different headaches! YEt the lack of physical intimacy doesn't have me taking cold showers. What does that tell you?

I think I'm tired of dating - feeling like it's time to go into recluse mode!

To answer the question that Rachie asked...

He looks at me with his smiling eyes
Sings my name in the twilight.
The warmth of his body pressed against me
Says he is mine tonight.

He brushes my hair away from my face
To have a clear path to my soul.
The strength of his gazes penetrates me
Filling the voids and the holes.

He presses his cheek to my head
Whispering his dreams in my ears.
The joys, the worries, the trials of life
Together we’ll share through the years

His gentle caresses tells me he’s there
Even when I come apart at the seams
No, I won’t give up hope that someday
I’ll meet this man of my dreams.

Confusion, indecision, flux

I’ve been dating around. No, not sleeping around. Not even kissing around. I’ve just been going on dates, getting to know guys, trying to decide if any are worth going further with. So, as a result, there are three or four guys that I’m talking to. Since I’ve met the latest one, I’ve been trying to make up my mind about him. He is definitely friendship material. But, is he BF material? I started the laundry list of positives and negatives.

Positive: He has cajones (just walked up to me and started talking). He loves hiking, the outdoors and animals. He’s my age (ok, only one year younger) but is younger looking. He’s honest, kind and thoughtful. He is generous even though I don’t think he has a high paying job. He is polite (opening doors for me and walking on outside of sidewalk). He complimented me when I looked nice. He looks sexy in jeans and a tee shirt. He’s tall, has a pretty face (baby blue eyes), and a tan body. He has similar musical interests. He’s reliable – calling when he says he will. He has strong family connections. He has made his romantic interest in me very well understood. He likes to talk. He’s laid back but if I refuse to make a decision, he will make it. He drinks but is responsible about it. He rides a motorcycle – why do I find that so dang sexy?

Negatives: He’s a bit dorky. He seems emotionally very reserved (not sure how deep that goes). He’s never been married (“it just hasn’t worked out”). He doesn’t always listen when I talk and he interrupts me. I think he’s a bit too thin. I don’t think he has a higher education degree but I’m not sure if that is an indication of his intellect.

As a result, I’m confused about him. By not asking much or really listening, I wonder how much of my personality he is interested in. Is it just a physical attraction? His emotional reserve rubs off on me and I’m not sure that’s a good thing either. Should I not get attached because he can't form emotional ties - never having been married?

I think I am too much of an engineer – I over analyze everything. Boo told me that I am too picky when it comes to men. Maybe my expectations are too high. Maybe I’m terrified of making a mistake, so I am being overly cautious, looking for everything that can go wrong. Maybe I just haven't given anyone much of a chance lately.

Well, I’ll just play it out and see how it goes and try not to screw things up too much. But, in the mean time, I’m keeping my options open.

ICE

I had to fill out some waiver forms today. In the blank labeled “in case of emergency please contact,” I got stumped. What am I to write there? When I was a kid, teen and very young adult, I used to put mom’s name and number. When I was married, I put my husband’s name and number. Being divorced with an elderly mom, I had no one to put there… until BFE moved in with me. She became my ICE. But now she’s gone. She left for the summer and most probably we won't be living together after her summer internship. She is needed back home to take care of Momma. It’s completely understandable that she should go. But the nobleness (is that a word? I don't feel like looking it up.) and maturity of her actions doesn’t fill the void I’m feeling. Every time I think about it, I tear up. For the past 1-3/4 year, she has been my best friend, early morning coffee drinking confident, late night partner in crime, excuse, scapegoat and conscience. I mean, come on -she was finally getting somewhere on her attempts to rehabilitate my shopping avoidance disorder. Yes, I went to the mall 2 weeks in a row and got some fabulous stuff at Anne Taylor Loft!

I was never naïve enough to believe this arrangement would go on forever. Despite all the suppositions and accusations, we are not gay! But still, I guess I thought we had more time. Or maybe when she left, it wouldn’t be to a foreign country (aka the deep south). I figured it would be a short car ride away. That she would still be around to talk me into hanging out with las tres amigas and blowing off a date I wasn’t going to enjoy. Or to hear my detailed after action reports, reassuring me that “yeah, that is curious/weird/interesting/sexy.” Sure, we still have the internet and phone. But, we both know I can’t stand talking on the phone. Hell everyone knows how much I hate using the stupid thing. I guess I’ll have to try and change that. But, despite it all, I am old enough to know what happens on such cases. First, we’ll keep in touch pretty regularly. But, over time, the calls and visits will become fewer and further between until we’re to the point of just sending the dreaded Christmas updates and maybe a birthday card here and there.

I know I sound all gloom and doom but my experience hasn’t been any different. Granted, she is the absolute best friend I ever had. So maybe, it will be different. And, she is the type of person who places her relationships above all other things in her life – including school, finances and her health (all of which I nag her about). But I feel as though I have a right to be bummed out. I’m losing my best friend and roomie. I hate coming home to an empty house. When I first come in, I want to be left alone to put stuff away, etc. But then I love to have someone to talk to, who tells me about their day or the latest escapades of the world around us. AND, who is interested enough to ask about me. Or just to have someone to sit and watch tv with. And damn BFE was great at this. Criminal Minds, Numbers, NCIS, Grey’s and House aren’t the same without her there. Who will lust over the hot guys with me? Who’s going to sigh with me when we hear the phrase baby doll? Who’s going to listen to me when I say the concept is correct but the math can’t be applied like that. But since he’s cute, we’ll let him get away with it or You think they'll show him without his shirt on? Who else will agree with me – wanting to be as bad ass as Ziva? Who will look at me and smile when Meredith and Christina make an agreement to be each other’s person?

Yep that’s what got me started on all this. And, why I have to stop because I’m sitting at work, balling my eyes out. And with my luck some cute guy (ha like there are any here) will walk in and want to ask me some stupid question, as snot runs down my face…..(yeah, she'd think that was pretty funny, too)