Yes, I've been happy....always quiet when I'm happy. :D
Right now I'm listening to U2 play from my neighbor's office. He went to the concert, too. We actually have it blaring because no one else is at work. The concert was phenominal. BFF from college flew into town to go with me. I spent way too much money on the amazing 9th row seats...but hey, it was my birthday present to me and her. She loves them maybe one teeny, tiny bit more than I do. It was my second concert but much better than the first 10 years ago. That one was an indoor arena and this one was an outdoor stadium. They are one of the few bands that do stadiums right. I forgot my camera, though. Well, it made me spend more time watching the concert! What a way to begin my birthday week!
My birthday was spent with BFF college. I showed her around the town and made sure she got to have the best cream of crab soup and the best crab cakes my town has to offer. More than anything, it was awesome to spend time with her. Some days I think it's time to pack up and go back to the North East. I love the people there. Just can't stand the winters!!!
I'm off to soccer now. I'll try to give the rest of the birthday week update tomorrow...but I might not quite get there...bisy! bisy backson!!!!
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
Beat to Smithereens
I spent several hours with a friend this past weekend. He and I just started chatting and it was amazing at how much we had in common. He is one of the kindest, most honorable people I’ve ever met. It was awesome to chat with him. I came to the realization that when push comes to shove, I’ll always go with my heart over my head.
We were chatting about “spent” relationships. I told him all the “secrets” of my past relationships. He told me his. He is still in love with someone who is bad for him. Everyone is telling him he needs to let her go. I smiled and he asked why. I told him how my advice to everyone is to keep on trying. That if he still loves her, she hasn’t beaten up his heart enough. That at some point, she’ll have beaten all the love out of him and he’ll be ready to let her go. He seemed to like that advice because it allows him to continue to go after her.
I always seem to give (myself and) my friends permission to follow their heart. Sometimes the head gets to the conclusion first and it takes the heart awhile to follow. You will extend your heart time and time again, only to have it bashed by the other person (can you say YBBK?!). Finally, you learn that, for whatever reason, this person will never treat you right. Your friends tell you to stay away because they are trying to protect you from this heartache. But in order to not “what if” yourself, you need to go through this…okay, so I need to go through this! But so do many of my friends, as well.
On some occasions, the other person is honorable (PJ). They won’t engage. They won’t beat you up. In this case, I believe the person is compassionate and honorable. It is what I try to be. When I am done, I am done. There are no games. It is the best thing for the other person. It is how PJ treated me. He knew he couldn’t go on. So instead of playing with my heart, he said goodbye. We still love each other…I believe that. But, it isn’t meant to be.
On very rare occasions, the heart is right…it just needed a little more time to flesh out the issues. In my opinion, it is these times that make it worth it. There is a longing that no one else can satisfy, so you keep going back. Eventually, you work through your demons (together) and then you have the most beautiful relationship ever. Like all rare things, this is incredible. I hope this for my friend…although, sadly I expect she’ll beat him to smithereens.
We were chatting about “spent” relationships. I told him all the “secrets” of my past relationships. He told me his. He is still in love with someone who is bad for him. Everyone is telling him he needs to let her go. I smiled and he asked why. I told him how my advice to everyone is to keep on trying. That if he still loves her, she hasn’t beaten up his heart enough. That at some point, she’ll have beaten all the love out of him and he’ll be ready to let her go. He seemed to like that advice because it allows him to continue to go after her.
I always seem to give (myself and) my friends permission to follow their heart. Sometimes the head gets to the conclusion first and it takes the heart awhile to follow. You will extend your heart time and time again, only to have it bashed by the other person (can you say YBBK?!). Finally, you learn that, for whatever reason, this person will never treat you right. Your friends tell you to stay away because they are trying to protect you from this heartache. But in order to not “what if” yourself, you need to go through this…okay, so I need to go through this! But so do many of my friends, as well.
On some occasions, the other person is honorable (PJ). They won’t engage. They won’t beat you up. In this case, I believe the person is compassionate and honorable. It is what I try to be. When I am done, I am done. There are no games. It is the best thing for the other person. It is how PJ treated me. He knew he couldn’t go on. So instead of playing with my heart, he said goodbye. We still love each other…I believe that. But, it isn’t meant to be.
On very rare occasions, the heart is right…it just needed a little more time to flesh out the issues. In my opinion, it is these times that make it worth it. There is a longing that no one else can satisfy, so you keep going back. Eventually, you work through your demons (together) and then you have the most beautiful relationship ever. Like all rare things, this is incredible. I hope this for my friend…although, sadly I expect she’ll beat him to smithereens.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Day 2 of Project Blankie
Day 2:
Last night, Pookie came over to help me stitch. She is awesome…good person and great friend. We each sat at one end of the couch and worked on opposite ends of the blanket. The attack poodle was the supervisor. She took her position on the “princess pillow” guarding her panties and watched…until she got bored and fell asleep.
To quote Pookie, “We are going to need some serious help!”
Thursday, June 9, 2011
The big G
So the beautiful Christian Counsellor and I have been emailing. Live is pretty hard for her right now. I can't stand to see such a wonderful person suffer as she has been. The Mother's Day gift we gave her has helped her to stay in the house she is renting, but she desparately needs a job..now! It breaks my heart. In our exchange of emails, I mentioned to her my disappointment and issues with the big G right now. She asked me to expand on that idea. So I did. Not the best of my writing but still, probably one of the first times I've ever written down all that I think on the subject. Well, not all but a lot of any way. Here is how it went....
Watch what you ask for….you might get it.
I’ve always had a little problem with believing in Heaven and the afterlife. So of course, God’s existence comes into question for me, too. It is all a matter of science for me. Like the universe has to be infinite, else what is on the “other side?” And, then relation of time to space (relativity). All of these physical phenomena make the existence of another realm seem plausible. And, there is Einstein’s belief in God. The man was far beyond most other humans when it came to understanding how these things work. Sooo…if he believes, then I should be able to believe…right? But still I struggle with it. I always have. Mostly because everything else on the physical realm, that man knows and understands, I can grasp - because my mind works that way. So this “other world” is where the doubt starts…has always started.
I follow Christ because I believe what he said was right. Everything he says, resonates with my being as being correct -to be honorable toward others, to treat others with kindness and respect, to not judge, understand that following rules (dietary, sacrifices, etc) doesn’t make you a better person. What Christ taught about how to behave toward others is logically and emotionally right (to me). So I can follow him. My reason for listening to sermons is to hear how other people interpret Christ’s teachings and how to apply them in this day and age. Following Christ’s beliefs has rarely been an issue for me.
My prayer life has always been weak. I figure this is because I struggle with the whole God idea and the fact that he actually listens, cares, etc. I mean, if he is omnipotent, then why does he care if we worship him, give thanks, etc. He knows He can do all. He doesn’t have human weakness of pride or needing reassurance. So why would He need us to worship him. Of course, the other aspect of the prayer life is it requires effort especially for someone ADHD like me. So, of course, I’m naturally weak at that. My prayers usually come when I’m sad or angry or desirous of something. I do try to give thanks but I never really feel “close to God” when praying.
When old Church shut down or now with last Church, and I find myself without a church, I am without the things that normally allow me some time with God. I love music. It moves me in ways nothing else does. So I love worship. It is during worship that I believe in God’s existence…music is related to math and math is perfect, as is God. So music is a gift from God’s perfectness to us. I guess I could play worship music outside of church and still worship Him, but I don’t. Same goes for listening to other people’s interpretation of the Word and how to apply it. So without a church, these things are lacking for me.
Searching for a church is awful for me. I hate going to places I’ve never been before. I hate sitting still for over an hour, when after 15 minutes I’ve realized I don’t want to be there. I hate having to feel like this weird stranger or have all these people try to make me “want” their church. I hate searching for a church. I have only gone to check out one church. I sent addicted Friend to another without me and her reporting allowed me to scratch that one off the list too. But, I’ve pretty much given up.
And, sadly, many Christians irk me (can you say Southern Baptist?). I should just say people irk me. But, don’t say you follow Christ when you obviously don’t seem to want to do what He asks us to do. I try to understand…we are human. We are not perfect and can’t do all that He asks. I don’t pretend I am better than others. I make mistakes. I struggle follow Him and do all that is asked. But, I still get irritated when others use His teachings to persecute those around them or just to do what they want. I don’t want to be around them.
So of course, when Christians annoy me or I lose my church or I lose my faith or I struggle with life, I get mad at God. I’m sure He is just as disappointed when Christians judge each others, or the failures of those who are claiming to follow him or with those who disobey and hurt others as I get when Britt messes up big time. I’m sure He is saddened and hurt by it all. But still, I get angry. It seems so unfair that there are those who try like mad to do what He asks of us – when people try to do the right thing each and every day…just to be hurt over and over again. It sucks and I know He doesn’t promise fairness in this world but still, every once in awhile, I’d like to see a little justice. Because I don’t really have a whole lot of faith in the existence of this afterlife where these people are supposed to be rewarded. I wish I had that. I wish I had a stronger belief that God really cared about His people.
When it comes to me, I try to believe He is looking out for me. It seems like when things happen to other people…things that would “for sure kill me” but haven’t happened to me, I believe in Him. I believe He protects me from those things but then I think, “Is this all the happiness I’m allowed in my life?” I can’t drive the desire to have a partner from my heart. The partner doesn’t seem to exist. There is this great big hole in my life. And while everything else around this hole is pretty well taken care of, the hole is all consuming. Despite all that I do, everything I try, the hole creates a veil of sadness over all that is good.
So, why, if He won’t fill the hole, why won’t he take the desire away? He can do that. But He won’t. And, I’m tired of everything having to be in His damn time. My interpretation of Psalm 69:3 “I am weary with my crying; my throat is dried: Mine eyes fail while I wait for my God” - His time sucks!
I tease C2 and tell her, “The big G and I aren’t speaking to each other. Not that I’ve ever really heard him talking to me any way.” She tells me it is because I never really listened but He is still talking to me and she is talking to Him for me. Through it all, I figure if there really is a God, he probably isn’t too pissed at me for my insolence and questioning. I, think if he is paying attention, He just laughs at me, shakes His head and thinks, “watch this,” as he throws the next curve ball my way.
Any way, you are one of very few people that I’ve ever told all of this to. So guess that means that I trust and love you as my sister.
Watch what you ask for….you might get it.
I’ve always had a little problem with believing in Heaven and the afterlife. So of course, God’s existence comes into question for me, too. It is all a matter of science for me. Like the universe has to be infinite, else what is on the “other side?” And, then relation of time to space (relativity). All of these physical phenomena make the existence of another realm seem plausible. And, there is Einstein’s belief in God. The man was far beyond most other humans when it came to understanding how these things work. Sooo…if he believes, then I should be able to believe…right? But still I struggle with it. I always have. Mostly because everything else on the physical realm, that man knows and understands, I can grasp - because my mind works that way. So this “other world” is where the doubt starts…has always started.
I follow Christ because I believe what he said was right. Everything he says, resonates with my being as being correct -to be honorable toward others, to treat others with kindness and respect, to not judge, understand that following rules (dietary, sacrifices, etc) doesn’t make you a better person. What Christ taught about how to behave toward others is logically and emotionally right (to me). So I can follow him. My reason for listening to sermons is to hear how other people interpret Christ’s teachings and how to apply them in this day and age. Following Christ’s beliefs has rarely been an issue for me.
My prayer life has always been weak. I figure this is because I struggle with the whole God idea and the fact that he actually listens, cares, etc. I mean, if he is omnipotent, then why does he care if we worship him, give thanks, etc. He knows He can do all. He doesn’t have human weakness of pride or needing reassurance. So why would He need us to worship him. Of course, the other aspect of the prayer life is it requires effort especially for someone ADHD like me. So, of course, I’m naturally weak at that. My prayers usually come when I’m sad or angry or desirous of something. I do try to give thanks but I never really feel “close to God” when praying.
When old Church shut down or now with last Church, and I find myself without a church, I am without the things that normally allow me some time with God. I love music. It moves me in ways nothing else does. So I love worship. It is during worship that I believe in God’s existence…music is related to math and math is perfect, as is God. So music is a gift from God’s perfectness to us. I guess I could play worship music outside of church and still worship Him, but I don’t. Same goes for listening to other people’s interpretation of the Word and how to apply it. So without a church, these things are lacking for me.
Searching for a church is awful for me. I hate going to places I’ve never been before. I hate sitting still for over an hour, when after 15 minutes I’ve realized I don’t want to be there. I hate having to feel like this weird stranger or have all these people try to make me “want” their church. I hate searching for a church. I have only gone to check out one church. I sent addicted Friend to another without me and her reporting allowed me to scratch that one off the list too. But, I’ve pretty much given up.
And, sadly, many Christians irk me (can you say Southern Baptist?). I should just say people irk me. But, don’t say you follow Christ when you obviously don’t seem to want to do what He asks us to do. I try to understand…we are human. We are not perfect and can’t do all that He asks. I don’t pretend I am better than others. I make mistakes. I struggle follow Him and do all that is asked. But, I still get irritated when others use His teachings to persecute those around them or just to do what they want. I don’t want to be around them.
So of course, when Christians annoy me or I lose my church or I lose my faith or I struggle with life, I get mad at God. I’m sure He is just as disappointed when Christians judge each others, or the failures of those who are claiming to follow him or with those who disobey and hurt others as I get when Britt messes up big time. I’m sure He is saddened and hurt by it all. But still, I get angry. It seems so unfair that there are those who try like mad to do what He asks of us – when people try to do the right thing each and every day…just to be hurt over and over again. It sucks and I know He doesn’t promise fairness in this world but still, every once in awhile, I’d like to see a little justice. Because I don’t really have a whole lot of faith in the existence of this afterlife where these people are supposed to be rewarded. I wish I had that. I wish I had a stronger belief that God really cared about His people.
When it comes to me, I try to believe He is looking out for me. It seems like when things happen to other people…things that would “for sure kill me” but haven’t happened to me, I believe in Him. I believe He protects me from those things but then I think, “Is this all the happiness I’m allowed in my life?” I can’t drive the desire to have a partner from my heart. The partner doesn’t seem to exist. There is this great big hole in my life. And while everything else around this hole is pretty well taken care of, the hole is all consuming. Despite all that I do, everything I try, the hole creates a veil of sadness over all that is good.
So, why, if He won’t fill the hole, why won’t he take the desire away? He can do that. But He won’t. And, I’m tired of everything having to be in His damn time. My interpretation of Psalm 69:3 “I am weary with my crying; my throat is dried: Mine eyes fail while I wait for my God” - His time sucks!
I tease C2 and tell her, “The big G and I aren’t speaking to each other. Not that I’ve ever really heard him talking to me any way.” She tells me it is because I never really listened but He is still talking to me and she is talking to Him for me. Through it all, I figure if there really is a God, he probably isn’t too pissed at me for my insolence and questioning. I, think if he is paying attention, He just laughs at me, shakes His head and thinks, “watch this,” as he throws the next curve ball my way.
Any way, you are one of very few people that I’ve ever told all of this to. So guess that means that I trust and love you as my sister.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Doomed...for sure
Last night I started Project Blankie. And now, I am convinced more than ever that I am doomed! I started in top left hand corner. After one hour, I had completed one strand of floss (really = two strands because you divide the floss in half).
First hour:
First hour:
After the scond hour I finished another strand of divided floss:
Yep, I'm doomed for sure!
Monday, June 6, 2011
Day 1 of the blanket project
So last week I realized that I needed to undertake a project and boy oh boy is it a doosy! Each of Mom’s grand kids have a cross stitched blankie that she gave them when they were born. Boo’s is a Bambie one and she still has it. Oldest Sis's kids still have theirs, too.
Well, it dawned on me the other day that Lil Sis’s kid will be the only one without…unless I do something about it. Sooooo….I went to the craft store (actually 3 until I found one that carried the stupid things) and bought a blanket on Friday. I’ve done this cross stitch on bibs before and I know it takes weeks to complete. As of Friday, I have exactly 3 weeks to complete this project. It is NOT enough time!!! Pookie told me she is going to come over and sit at the opposite end and work on it. If she isn’t joking, I’m going to have to take her up on it!
Friday night, Saturday, Saturday night and Sunday, I was busy. Hey, we all know I’m a very social and popular girl….what can I say! So last night was day one of the project. I sat it my room, read the directions and began sorting the floss (fancy name for embroidery thread). Poodle Pup came in to join me. At one point, she was staring intently in the corner. If Lil Sis was there, she’d say Mom’s ghost had joined me to help out. I wish she had joined in because it took me one hour to sort the floss. Yes, one hour to just get organized! I am soooo doomed!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Life's lessons
It's always good to remind myself....
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it. (don't I know it!)
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. Pay off your credit cards every month.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present. (check!)
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16.. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful. (check!)
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple. (check!)
24. The most important sex organ is the brain. (don't we know it!)
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything. (check!)
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time. (check!)
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
35. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back. (yes sir-ree!)_
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come...
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it. (don't I know it!)
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. Pay off your credit cards every month.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present. (check!)
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16.. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful. (check!)
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple. (check!)
24. The most important sex organ is the brain. (don't we know it!)
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything. (check!)
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time. (check!)
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
35. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back. (yes sir-ree!)_
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come...
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
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