Lamo

It may seem as I have been lame in posting, but it truly isn't the case.  I posted all July long - in my travel blog.  If you don't know where it is, then I probably didn't tell you.  But, I did tell my 300+ FB friends.  LOL.  It really is just pictures and commentary on my European work/vacation trip.  That ended over a month ago you say?  So, yes, I truly have been lamo in posting.

Since then, I've caught up on work - which is the most oober stressful place in the world and needs to be rectified eventually....when Boo stops sucking the money from my bank accounts.  I've bought a new car - sucking some more money from my bank account.  Been riding the motorcycle - yet another money suck.  And trying to get the yard back from the jungle like state it ended up in during my 30% occupancy this summer.  I'd hire me some yard boys for that task, except all the money has been sucked! Physical labor is good for me any way!

What? No man keeping my attention?  There has been a parade but in general, each applicant has been turned down.  I'm not sure if it is the repercussion from having been smitten by a man who pretended to be what he wasn't or if each applicant just wasn't up to par.  I've met them in all the "right" ways...through friends or doing activities that I like/love.  But after 3-4 dates, I'm bored and thinking up ways to avoid spending time with them.  Also thinking things like, "his lips will never ever touch mine!"  Yes, a couple of good looking guys actually revolt me.  So, yeah, maybe it is the "after shock".  I'm ready for it to be over. 

I've made friends with a lovely man.  he doesn't revolt me yet.  But he hasn't even touched me yet.  We talk on the phone, text and hang out.  His ex-wife is crazy.  Not crazy bitch jealous but literally borderline personality disorder crazy.  I teased him about marrying a crazy woman....but I know, if a certain person had managed to hold his deception for a longer period of time, i could have ended up in a similar place.  So I keep my ribbing to a minimum.   I'm not sure if things will go anywhere with this lovely man nor that I want them to.  So, I just let him take up some of my time and enjoy what we have. 

I might say, my faith is close to non-existent these days.  I know that probably isn't true.  But I've lost hope that God has anything "wonderful" planned for me.  I think His current plan for my life is pretty sucky.  I know it could suck worse and I know that, if the right situation were to happen, I could end up saying, "oh it was so worth that shitty period I went through."  But right now, I think His plan sucks and will let you know if I change my mind.  I say I think my faith is wavering.  But not really my faith in God.  Just that He cares about making my life interesting/fun/worth living rather than just mere existence.  There are so many schools of thought on how much He interferes with/has planned for our lives, that I think I'm rejecting the last theory that I had.  That rejections doesn't mean I won't try to live Christ-like or disbelieve what I've come to believe as right.  But, it does mean that I've lost hope.  I have friends that are holding that hope for me.  And, that is the way I see Him blessing me.  But other than that, I'm not to impressed with the big G these days.

So, perhaps, this is why I haven't been writing. Or perhaps, I need to write to get myself out of this.  I can't really say one way or another.  But, realizing this is probably one of the most mundane posts ever....well, it says something to me!