Mother's Day

Mother’s day is bitter-sweet for me.

At one time, for me, it was a day filled with well wishes to my grand mother, mother,grandmother in law and mother’s in law….Six total, I think. In addition, to a little one bestowing the same wishes on me with beautiful homemade, love sentiments – all of which I still have.

Last night, I drove by the hospital where my own little bundle of joy was born. It reminded me of the first few weeks of her life….as if a sign of what was to come throughout her life! She was a premie, terrible at eating the natural way, refused formula, didn’t sleep, cried for hours on end…. I treasurd the happy moments and loved my Boo more than anything else in the world but was completely exhausted. Mom came to the rescue. Lucky for me she took a week off of work and came to visit. I handed her Boo and promptly crawled into bed….with the instructions “try not to wake me too much when you bring her to feed. I’m getting good as sleeping while she eats.” Mom cooked and cleaned and took care of the little Britt so I could sleep. She came up with good ideas about how to fix my ailing breasts (that Britt loved to “bite”, pull on and generally attack in the name of feeding). She gave me sage advice on how not to instruct Todd on anything so as not to discourage his help and interaction with the baby. And, she was the one squeezing the little red toy apple that Britt smiled at first. Then her Dad – the little rat fink! Mom had gone from this relic with a big heart who didn’t know all that much – to the smartest woman in the world and my own special angel of mercy.

Mom was there a year later, when Britt discovered snow for the first time. I’m not sure who was more excited or mesmerized by the white stuff that melted in Britt’s hands. Britt would reach down and pick up the snow. She’d smile and then it would start to melt. Her eyes would get wide and she’d look at my Mom. Mom would smile back and then when Britt looked back, the snow would be gone. She’d squeal with delight, they’d laugh and start all over again.

Britt had three Grandmothers. Since I am a fan of rhymes, we had dubbed mom – Grannie Annie. (the other grandmothers got to pick their own names) Britt, as most young kids, had trouble pronouncing certain consonants. So when she was learning to speak, she called her Drannie. One of our favorite, most embarrassing stories about Britt and Drannie has to do with my sister’s dog Smokey. I wish I remembered the back story. But I believe it all happened when Mom was in town to help Cindy when her first born was born. Britt was hanging out with my mom and mom was petting Smokey. Britt looked at my mom and told her, “Drannie! Be careful! Don’t touch Smokey’s penis!” As always, Mom took it in stride.

Mom took most all things in stride. She wasn’t high strung like her 4th child. She was patient…guess if you aren’t by the 1st child you’d either become patient by the 5th or self destruct! She was laid back (well except that time when she threw a bunch of silverware at my brother or yelled at him "John, stop your gonnat...God DAMN IT" when he broke something that he was hitting someone with) had a heart of gold and shared her love with everyone.

This past January, her first grandchild graduated college. Mom was there when she graduated high school. Graduation was bitter sweet… I loved seeing my gorgeous daughter walk across stage and accept the diploma she worked her butt off to get! I was so very proud. And sad, that mom wasn’t there to watch. I know she would have turned to me and said, “I told you so. You didn’t need to stress so much. She is just fine. Just a little strong willed, head strong and rebellious…like someone else I know.” She would have hugged Britt tight and told her how proud she was of her. How she was always so proud of her.

This week, Britt needed a book for her first grade class room to help them with their Mother’s Day project. She found the book…how much do I love you? I told her how I had given that book to my mom and it was probably in “the mom box”…the box that I brought home two years ago, that I have yet to empty. Such mixed emotion – pride in my beautiful daughter and knowledge of what a wonderful teacher she has become and will continue to be. But saddened that I can’t share this moment with “Drannie”.

So today, I miss my mom. I wish I could call and ask if she got the violets. She once told me they were her favorite flowers. I’m not really sure they are but I got them or violet like flowers for her every mother’s day. I wish I could tell her all things that Britt is doing to make me so proud. I wish I could tell her about the antics of Mitsi the guard poodle. I wish I could cry to her about the trials and tell her about my upcoming trip. I do hope there is some miraculous way, even if just for one day, she can open the gate from this world and the next…and see and feel all that is in my heart.

Happy Mother’s Day too all you Moms out there! And all you single Dad’s out there – for some days you have to be more than dad, you have to be mom too. And all you girlfriend’s out there who are called on to “mother” their friends. Mostly, Happy Mother’s Day to you Drannie Annie. Thank you God for a kind hearted, loving and brilliant Mom! We love and miss you more than these words can express!