Sometimes in life, people come along who bring you the utmost joy and happiness and you think, wow this is amazing! Then as with all things life, you hit a few speed bumps in the road. Some are minor: a fractured ego, an inadvertent slip of the tongue (not the good kind). Some are bigger: being hit with the baggage the other person is carrying, words meant to hurt. But it is in these trials that you learn if this is meant to be something more... something bigger, something better, something more permanent. Because, when you work out these speed bumps and pot holes, in a loving caring way, it gives you the confidence to realize that when the road falls out from underneath you, you'll have learned to cling to each other as you free fall off the cliff. And, at least once in your life, you will fall off a cliff.
Did you ever notice how much more you enjoy the breeze in your face as you zoom through the curves at 90 mph when just yesterday you experienced the traffic jam? You can go along living life with minimal pain but you will also experience minimal joy. It isn't that you won't have joy in your life, it is just you won't experience the pinnacles of joy if you don't suffer some hurts or put yourself out there and take the risks required.
Each trial you face will make you stronger or break you apart…individually or as part of a relationship. So you have to ask yourself, the questions: Do I want this to break me (us)? How many more dreams do I (we) have? How many possibilities can there be? Where can this take me? What do I want in life?
These are the questions I ask myself each day. I acknowledge and encourage my dreams of traveling to new places, learning new things, finding a companion to experience new and old things, someone who loves me despite my many flaws. And I say this is possible! I don't need to weigh myself down with people who want to focus on the negative and don't believe the best will come despite one bad day in thirty! I want to fly despite the fear of falling. To sit in a traffic jam today knowing that tomorrow I'll be zooming around the corners at 90 mph. To jump up, grab the ceiling fan and swing around, faster and faster, knowing the fall is going to hurt like hell, but in the long run, it's worth it. And, maybe just maybe, instead of hitting the ground, someone will catch me, hold me in their arms and smile…
So it is with this thought I leave for you, my friends. I wish that one day you discover your wildest dreams and find a way to harness their power. Whether you choose to shelter yourself or to go all out, I hope you live each day like it's your last, because one of these days, it will be.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Coping techniques - Day 2
So what have I learned to do the past two days... when furnace isn't working and the top temperature in the house is 57 degrees faherenheit?
Scalzo's top Eight things to do when your heat's not working and it's below freezing outside…
8. Fix vacuum cleaner...always got mad and hot when fixing things. Doing it in 57 degree temperature keeps me from over heating!
7. Vacuum... moving around warms you up with the added benefit of cleaning. (must do number 8 first...obviously)
6. Pick up after the kid...moving around warms you up with the added benefit of cleaning.
5. Do laundry...dryer heats up the place.
4. Change light bulbs... always get aggravated because of the stupid set screws on lamps. Doing it in 57 degree temperature keeps me from over heating!
3. Use the self-cleaning function on the oven. It heats up the kitchen!
2. Dance around, exercise, etc. listening to mp3 player…keeps you warm and is fun!
(drum roll please...) And the number one thing to do to beat the cold when your heat isn't working…
1. Drink Wine with your roomie… cold, what cold, I'm toasty warm!
Yes there is a better #1, but when you don't have a boyfriend, you gotta make due!
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
The reoccurring Nightmare
So, I had to write this in hopes the nightmare that's been plaguing me for over a year will just go away like the ass who inspired it!
Never Ending Night
Cuddling on the couch
Sharing a glass of Carmenere
Smiling
He caresses her face
As he brushes the hair out of her eyes
She inhales deeply…
Life is good
eyes open
She tackles him
I can't believe you ruined this!
She punches his chest.
The hollow burst echoes in the now empty room.
He lies there unaffected.
How could you?
Swings harder
Another resounding thud
No response
I hate you!
Intensity and repetition increasing
Vacant eyes staring…
No indication of pain,
No evidence of remorse,
Her reverberating screams last for hours
Fists never missing a beat
The calm face never changing,
Never caring, always staring.
…Sweat dripping
…Sheets entangled
…Heart racing
…again!
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
The Clarks Rock!
Went to see the Clarks last Friday. They played all my favorites...yeah! Lyrics to the song I sang the loudest...
She said, "boys, they can't be trusted, I get so disgusted!
"She says it over and over
You stuttered and you hesitated
From there it all just escalated
It happened over and over
And she said
Boys lie, like the rug under my feet
White lies, every breath between your teeth
Fine line, between love and alibis....
Boys lie
He made me this one great promise
But call me the doubting Thomas
She thought it over and over
You'll be mine, you'll be fine
Oh, for the rest of time
He promised over and over
There's nothing that a woman does
just keep her faith because.
There's nothing that a man can say
won't make you walk away
Ain't nothing that he can't undo
a little nudge, and a broken smile
Just staring back at you
When it comes to being trusted
She said, you're so busted
But now that it's over, it's over
I took a poll and you were graded,
Boys were highly overrated
It happens over and over
Yes, Alan, I feel better now that I got that out of my system!!!
:)
Monday, February 26, 2007
oops there goes gravity....
So you're just prodding along with your life and along comes reality to slap you in the face...hard! Someone says or does something that tells you that you're not good enough..you're not pretty enough, you're family is too important to you, you're religious beliefs are off kilter, you figit too much, you are too demanding, or aren't enough like a girl to make them happy. And, what can you do? Get angry, get hurt, run away... or face reality and move on. Funny how you can look at someone else's life and say, yeah girlfriend, that boy is f'd up. I mean he lies to you, ignores you, cheats on you (oh that's my no good ex-husband - ha!) but still, you can easily see how something just isn't right for your friends and how do you tell them move on! The man of your dreams is out there looking for you - when you really aren't sure it's true. When you really just wonder what God's plan is, if there's a plan or if this is just some big cosmic experiment or even worse a big joke on you. What the hell does it all mean??? Why do I see this pattern every where I look???? It just doesn't make sense!!!!!!
Ooops there goes gravity! Fuck this reality!
You're smart, sweet, beautiful; it's true
It's every young girls' dream to be like you.
A pearl in every oyster, laughs around each bend,
Sunshine every day, everyone your friend…
So why are you alone,
wondering what to do,
oh what is wrong with you?
Feeling hurt once again,
Betrayed by a friend,
Will the lies never end?
You're smart, sweet, beautiful; it's true.
It's every young girls' dream to be like you.
A pearl in every oyster, laughs around each bend,
Sunshine every day, everyone your friend.
Listen to him talk
Pointing out all your flaws
He ridicules your cause.
Never time for you
You're last on his list
Won't even be missed.
You're smart, sweet, beautiful; it's true.
It's every young girls' dream to be like you.
A pearl in every oyster, laughs around each bend,
Sunshine every day, everyone your friend.
So much to offer
The world waits for you
Shining above the few
So why have you settled
For something less than best
For someone who's a mess
You're smart, sweet, beautiful; it's true.
It's every young girls' dream to be like you.
A pearl in every oyster, laughs around each bend,
Sunshine every day, everyone your friend.
~csj~
Monday, February 05, 2007
Reality
When all the lies have been confessed
And, all the truths revealed,
Reality stands tall, it is what it is...
~JTR
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Why I don't ski....
It all began when I decided to sign up for the annual Clarkson ski trip. I came back from winter break with skis I had borrowed from my step-mother to use for the trip. I believe it was Piglet who had the idea have Geoff teach me how to ski before I went on the trip. Geoff invited PJ (whom I thought was absolutely adorable) or was it Caroline who orchestrated that, too? Anyway it was a beautiful day in the Adirondack Mountains when the four of us set off to go skiing at Tupper Lake. I think it was Caroline who decided it was a waste of time to teach me to snowplow or bother to take me on any of the beginner's trails. And because I respected and feared her (yea I had pledged under her, so fear is the correct word!), I followed the crew up to the intermediate slope for my first trip down.
Did I know what I was doing? No. Was I petrified of falling down and breaking my neck? Yes. Was I young and invincible and trying like hell to impress PJ? Hell Yes!
Most of the details of the first trip are sketchy. I believe it went like this: I zigged to the left and fell down as I tried to turn. I zagged to the right and fell down again. I zigged and fell; zagged and fell. I proceeded down the mountain in this manner. Each time someone was there to pick me up, dust me off, and push me onward. Like I said, this first part is a pretty fuzzy memory. And, I must not have thought it was all that bad or maybe I was just dumber than I looked. It could have been Geoff's encouragement or Piglet's sympathy for me. But I proceeded down the mountain 2-1/2 times in this zig, fall, zag, fall, zig, fall, zig, fall manner.
This next part I remember crystal clear like it was yesterday. It was exhilarating (at first). I was finally getting the hang of it because I managed to zig, zag, and zig again (with no falls in between). At this point I was gaining speed and starting to worry about stopping. Remember, I did not know how to snow plow to stop and my "turn stop" consisted of falling over every time. So, I as I made my last turn on the slope, I stopped. Now this wasn't the "turn and fall on my side" type of stop I had been getting good at. No, this was a turn and tumble 2-3 times down the mountain type of stop. My guess is all that anyone who was looking saw was this pink (my coat), blue (my jeans), and white (the snow) snow ball rolling down the hill. And, if you weren't me, I am sure it must have been quite the entertaining site to see. I landed hard and was not happy. One ski managed to break itself loose and demonstrate the proper way to proceed down the hill. The other was still securely attached to my binding. I remember telling everyone that I was DONE. Geoff or was it PJ, skied down and retrieved my runaway ski and brought it back to me. But, I was teary-eyed and going nowhere. It was Geoff who put the ski back on my foot and encouraged me to proceed down the mountain on my skis.
I kept complaining that my ski wasn't cooperating and I am pretty sure everyone thought it was just the fall that had gotten to me. At the bottom, PJ looked at my ski and proclaimed "Wow, I've been skiing for my whole life and seen a lot of broken skis. This is the first time I ever saw one break 5 inches from the back!" It was suggested that I go rent a pair of skis and head back to the mountain. But, I knew I was holding everyone back and keeping them from having fun while I fumbled down the mountain. So I decided to go to the lodge. Plus, PJ's comment really stuck in my head – I still remember his exact words to this day. I felt as if God had said, "This is your warning. I broke your skis in a very original way to get your attention and let you know: Cheryl Scalzo, YOU are not meant to ski."
The story doesn't end there...but the only way you are getting the rest out of me is some alcohol in a hot tub!
p.s. I don't think Donna (my "step-mother") ever forgave me for breaking those skis, even though she hadn't skied or planned to ski for years!
Friday, January 26, 2007
Last night
Shivers run down
that one's spine.
This one gets whiplash
turning for a second look.
A sigh is heard
from over there.
Confidently
She glides across the floor.
Long, brown curls bouncing
Head held high
Eyes a sparkling
Soft lips slightly parted.
Each longs for
The Smile
that sticks
in the pit of her stomach
as he looks straight through her.
~csj~
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