But a pixel

He was in a room that would be classified as a study...busy working. I tried to get his attention but it wouldn't happen. I suspected something. When he had gone out for a moment, I went in and discovered a lease on the desk. Later we were sitting at a table outside of the study. I asked him what he had been working on. He said nothing much. I dug my fingers hard into his arm and repeated the question. I'm sure he felt that my eyes were burning holes into his face as disturbing as my fingers clamping his arm. He repeated nothing. I pulled out the lease. He admitted he was moving out. I started hitting him, over and over, harder and harder. I awoke in a cold sweat. That was about 4 a.m.

I wondered what had caused the dream. I hadn't had one in a while. But it came to me quickly. The clock had passed midnight and it was May 4. It would have been our anniversary. I'm not sure which one. Don't go congratulating me. I could never remember what year we got married or which anniversary it was. No, I'm not a guy!

I wished I had a man next to me to cuddle me back to sleep. But then again, if one had been in bed with me, I probably wouldn't have had such a vivid dream.

I'm okay, though. I thought about the dream and the day a couple of times today. I'm not so hurt, angry or distraught over it. I have good friends and a nice life. He threw a pretty nasty blow into it. But, it is a pleasant life never the less.

If I were to see him today, I would tell him that i still dislike the person he had become. He wasn't the person I fell in love with. He wasn't an honorable man. I have nothing but contempt for him, not that I'd go out of my way to show it. I'd tell him, "you are but a pixel in the picture that is my life. I am fine without you."