Follow up

I got home and had no reply to my email I wrote to PJ. I figured he had ample time to have read it, so I sent another telling I expected a reply. During my vball game, he called. I called him back after the game. He told me there were no questions in the email to which he should reply. I told him there were things I said I didn’t know or understand and those were the questions in my mind that I wanted answered. He told me I worried too much and he didn’t want me to. He said he doesn’t know what he wants to do with the rest of his life. The only thing he is certain about is he wants to be with me but that doesn’t resolve the where. He told me at least three times, he knew he wanted to be with me. I needed to hear that.

I knew he was bored with work. He moved to the northeast to work on a specific project. The project just completed and he thinks it is time to move on. But he doesn’t know where or what. I told him he had to decide by next summer. I don’t like having all this uncertainty in my life (we all know that about me) but since I’m not going anywhere until then, it is fine. He talked about our 3 options…me moving to where he is now, him moving here, or us both moving somewhere else. I told him I knew here was out and he said that wasn’t the case. He grew up here and he liked it well enough… just it was out for the next 5 years (so he could stay close to the girls). Well, that might as well be eternity for me, which I pointed out. I didn’t mention my disdain for NYC. I figure I’ll just see if that plays out or not. I don’t want to sway him from doing what he wants to do.

We both hate talking on the phone. I was surprised he called but I think he was just worried because I sounded upset. He didn’t like my silence on the phone since he couldn’t see me. It is funny, I can keep a poker face at work whenever required. But, even when I try that with him, he can totally read my eyes. I told him that and he said, “except when you turn away. But that is a dead giveaway, in and of itself.” I sometimes think I do it because if he saw how much pain was there, it would scare him off. I didn’t tell him that.

To sum it all up, he wants me to ask him questions that linger in my mind. It is hard to ask him about things that hurt me. I’m not sure how even to bring them up. He told me we need to be sure to talk about what we want to do with our lives. He knows he wants to be with me. I told him there was so much I hadn’t told him and he said I could take my time. I know a lot of what I want to tell him, I need to do in person. But now, I feel like I can wait on that.