Three natural disasters and a miracle

Today my spirits were lifted and my faith restored. The Christian Councilor has found a job. She’s been searching for months after CCC discharged in a sea of deceit. And, they had never contributed to unemployment (unbeknownst to her) so she couldn’t collect. Her funds were dwindling at a rate that scared me. I’m thankful that not only has she gotten a job gut it is also a job that I know is so needed. Today she told me.

Thanks. It's been one hellish, super long haul. This company has a new contract with the military to provide 24/7 triage-like mental health support for both troops and their families here as well as troops who are deployed. Brief, solution focused help for them because with all the PTSD and growing needs even from IED, etc... the military is seeing that it needs to increase services. And the needs will keep increasing. So, I could get a call from a mom who is struggling with kids as dad is deployed, a returning vet struggling with depression, or a soldier on the front who is feeling suicidal... etc. In many ways, it is exceeding what I expected from them. One downside- it is a long commute. Lots of upsides summed up in this: We won't have to live in our cars. (trust me, we were getting close)

Needless to say I am extraordinarily grateful to my Heavenly Father, who is good, VERY good whether or not my circumstances are comfortable or not, whether I suffer or not, whether I feel safe and secure or not, whether I have a job or not. If He is good when we are satisfied, he must also be good when we struggle. REJOICING that he is good and his love endures forever even when life breaks all promises. AND, I am very grateful to those who have kept me in their prayers and more importantly in their lives and conversations. That has given me strength to go far beyond what I thought I could ever stand. And, Jenna and Alyssa (her daughters) have been amazingly patient and resilient in the face of a whole lot of difficulties- they are among the best that I have to celebrate- always! Thanks again for the well-wishes!

I have a huge challenge to get the other state to grant me my license there. I have heard that they do not make the process easy and are one of the most difficult states as far as reciprocity goes (for most jobs, teachers, medical, mental health, etc...) But, I have 6 months to work at it. So, that'll be part of the excitement.

There's a whole lot more to the story of right before it happened. But, suffice it to say, I was desperate enough to have been looking at jobs, any jobs... some that paid 20 to 30 thousand dollars less than this one. I think that I feel that this one was being prepared for me, but it's all new. I don't know if that makes sense, and it is a huge commute, but... you know I'm just so glad that I don't even think I've reacted yet.

In a two week prior, fraught with natural disasters and rare things, I could say yeah, I got a job when there was an earthquake, a hurricane and flooding- all things that are pretty rare.

One thing I know for sure, is that just days before I got the interview, I had told God that I was kind of tire of seeing people saying that He was good, only when they had been spared- you know, "I have electricity- God is good." "I am safely home- God is good." etc.. etc... and it was killing me because what does that mean for people who weren't safe and warm, etc...? So, He and I had a talk and I told Him that I totally got it. That I can't be one to only say He is good when all is the way I want it. If He is good, He is always good. And my faith has to be based on that, not on how nice my life is. Literally, the day after we had that talk, I got the interview. Now, I'm so excited to be able to give again, to write that first tithe check from my new job... and of course some selfish things like my first hair cut in 6 months, some full tanks of gas, and CHRISTMAS presents I long to buy. Not gonna go crazy, just excited to be able to give again.

Another thing that I know is that I have another range of experience now of the shame and frustration and esteem, and other difficult feelings that come with losing a job, being destabilized in that way- stuff that really wasn't on my radar as far as how that feels. I get it now and I know that helps me be a better helper and understander of things. Understander….that’s such an awesome word.

It's all a myth that we Americans think is foolproof- if you're educated and try hard, you'll be okay. BAH! I am glad to be a better and better understander. I'm hoping next time I need to understand something better, God will recommend a good book for me to read on the topic!!! God has also clarified the subject of the book I'm supposed to write. I know He's been prompting me for a long time, I just didn't have clarity as to which subject. Now I know it's meant to be about suffering.

I’ve been crying all morning. I am so overjoyed with the news because I had run out of ways to help her. I wasn’t sure what more I could do besides moving her in with me. Yes, the thought crossed my mind.

So, I’ve been angry with God over it because she has always seemed so faithful to him. I told her that I didn’t think she needed to “learn” that God was good. She said, “intellectually, no.” I found that interesting. The whole time, I thought God was being unfair to her and her family. That He could fix this if He wanted. But He didn’t want to. But now I see, that He knew better than me. Yeah, what a surprise that is! That sometimes the silver lining is really a silver cloud being obscured by eyes that can’t see clearly what they are looking at.

Yes, the way things went down at CCC was horrible. And yes, she has suffered tremendously these past few months. But through it all, God is still good. He still deserves our praise and worship. And, He still knows best. I know these things in my head but my heart sometimes forget. For when I’m in the midst of ugly earthly matters, I forget Him. I forget His beauty. I stop talking to Him. I yell at Him. I cry out to Him but I fail to talk and fail even more to listen. I’ve never been a good listener any way.

It took what seems like a miracle. Funny I say that. My faith, still not as childlike as I’d like, isn’t’ strong enough to acknowledge it to be the miracle that it is. But it took that to help restore my faith in God. I believed in Him…but felt He had abandoned us. I felt that He just let us flap in the wind. Or that He had bigger things to take care of. I mean, we are, after all, small potatoes compared to wars, famine, oppression, etc. He’s got that to deal with so who are a couple single women whose hearts were broken over the failure of other Christians. But, all along, He was watching, protecting, loving us and probably even talking to the rebellious one who rarely listens.

But He has my attention now. And the belief in my heart that He won’t abandon us. Come earthquake, hurricane, flood and what may… He is God and He is good.