rough night

I'm having a rough night tonight.  Guess I should say, I'm finally letting my sadness out.  It is interesting how it happened.  R called and we did our normal chit chat.  I was going to ignore the subject but she asked about YBBK.  And, I cried.  I told her how sad I was.  I told her how disappointed I am that it didn't work out.  My heart aches for the person I thought he was.  I think perhaps, in my head, I turned him into this amazing man.  In part, because he is a good guy, but in part because I liked who I could be around him.  But in the long run, I have to realize he didn't love me the way I want to be loved. 

I told her this and she told me it was his problem...that he had an amazing woman, who was beautiful on the inside and out, who would do anything for her friends and loved ones, who was smart, confident and not desperate.  That she knows the type of women out there and he won't find anyone better than I.  That apparently he is missing something because he had to look elsewhere when he had someone like me.   I love the way R puts things.  She is so direct.  I know in part she was trying to comfort me, but I also know she believes every word she told me.  That she thinks I'm amazing and a great catch.  And, that I have standards and I won't settle.  I feel the exact same way about her and I'm blessed to have her friendship.

But knowing all these things don't help in stopping the tears from flowing.  I know I have to cry.  I have to mourn this so I can move on.  So while I cry, I'll remind myself what I am looking for and find comfort in the knowledge that at some point, when I least expect it, he'll show up on my doorstep... ready to love me, all of me and only me.

He looks at me with his smiling eyes
Sings my name in the twilight.
The warmth of his body pressed against me
Says he is mine tonight.

He brushes my hair away from my face
To have a clear path to my soul.
The strength of his gazes penetrates me
Filling the voids and the holes.

He presses his cheek to my head
Whispering his dreams in my ears.
The joys, the worries, the trials of life
Together we’ll share through the years

His gentle caresses tells me he’s there
Even when I come apart at the seams
No, I won’t give up hope that someday
I’ll meet this man of my dreams