This Sucks!

It sucks to lose someone who you love, respect and want to emulate. My grandmom is dying and it really, really sucks. She is possibly the most wonderful person I have ever known. She is smart, honest, compassionate, gentle, a great cook, sympathetic, gives the best advice and she is patient. Yeah, patient…I don’t do patience. But everything else - I want to be like that. She’s been in a great deal of pain for the past year, so her patience have been tried. But she is a phenomenal lady. About ten days ago, she fell, broke her hip and into the hospital she went. Then it was just a series of problems and attempts to resolve them. I have to thank God, as He gave me my special time with her. I got to see her and say goodbye. I kissed her forehead and made the sign of the cross when I left her on Sunday. I’m sure that will be the last time I will see her alive. I was just informed that the doctors have moved her to hospice. It really sucks to be 300 miles away. But, it sucks more knowing there isn’t much time left. Part of me is glad because she has been in so much pain that I know she wants to move on. But, the selfish part is really hurting because I won’t get to talk to her anymore. She was always the one I turned to when I messed up. She was always willing to listen, understand, forgive and help me make things right. She ALWAYS was on my side against Dad, even when I was so, so wrong. How could you not absolutely love someone like that? A lot of things in my life have seemed so not fair. But, I can’t say this isn’t fair because she’s in her nineties. I am so lucky and blessed to have had her in my life for so long. But, I’m still not ready to let her go. But are we ever?