Bummer

I’ve been thinking about the new BF and what is bugging me. (only wrote about him once http://scalzo-writes.blogspot.com/2007/09/missed-me.html) While I told him I was concerned about me getting hurt, getting too close, etc. I noticed other things that are irritating me. Now it could be that I’m manufacturing stuff and that was my first worry. But as time passes, I am realizing that maybe that isn’t the case what so ever. So here’s what I noticed.

He likes sitting around being alone way too much for me. I like having all my friends around, hanging out with them, etc. He seems way too interested in solitary stuff. I suspect he is constantly devising schemes to get me away from everyone else. We’ve hung out a few times since we talked about me not being able to trust someone right away. I was hoping he’d open up more since then. But, I noticed he doesn't talk that much. Seems to be "inside his own head" alot and never really divulges much. Yesterday was the epitome of it all.

We were just going to go to hang out in the historic district, but I suggested I make good on the promise to go tile shopping with him (for a project in his bedroom). He wanted to go to Frederick to do it - which was stupid because I had to drive 25 minutes to his house and then out to Frederick with him, which was another 20-25 minutes. He could have just come over to my place. We had both Home Depot and Lowes right down the road. He had mentioned eating at a Mexican restaurant out in Frederick, so I thought that was why he wanted to do it. So we went out there, found some tiles and never stopped for food. He never even mentioned it. Did he forget? He decided he want to go hang out at Sugar Loaf Mountain, even though I only had flip flops on and my knee was bothering me. I mentioned the flip flops and he said he just had sandals, too. I don’t think he even realized how slippery and flimsy mine were. We tried climbing (there is an easy path with steps) but I didn't feel comfortable doing it in flip flops. So, I told him my knee hurt too much and I was worried about the climb down. So we went to sit on some rocks on another over look. We sat there for about 1/2 hour. He hardly talked and never touched me the whole time. Then he seemed surprised when I wanted to leave. I was bored and my rump hurt.

So when we left Sugarloaf Mountain, there was a Winery on the way out. I had mentioned going, so we stopped. He sat through a tasting but wouldn't eat any of the cheese and crackers - must have eaten before we went to Frederick? (which makes me wonder about going to the Mexican restaurant) He had never tasted before and I love doing that sort of thing. It was a beautiful day, they had an awesome tasting patio, etc. And, he sat there like he was miserable. Now the wine there wasn't all that. Any way, afterwards, I said, I hope it wasn't all that bad. And he said, "eh, it wasn't too bad." Or some other comment like that. It sucked because he knew I've tasted alot of places and enjoy doing it. He took no interest in it, just like he seemed to take no interest in my photography. He seems to be the type that refuses to open up to new things. Even if I wasn't interested in stuff, I'd feign or at least try a little, for my "boyfriend". It's like he just wants someone to completely fit the mold of his life and not have to do anything to change. Or, if he does have interest in the wine or photography, he isn't showing it. Same thing with my writing. I showed him something and he never commented on it. Each of the things I thought maybe since he didn't know much about it, he wasn't going to comment. But, at this point, I'm thinking there is no way I could be with someone who can't appreciate the things I do. I remember how much it killed me that my X-BF wouldn't compliment my cooking. I need that reinforcement, as silly as it sounds. And, not getting it just isn't going to work for me. He never touched me the whole day or even told me I looked pretty. He already knows the whole "I need to be told I'm pretty" issue I have. So, either he didn't listen, didn't get it, or already forgot it.

Any way, it just seems like the whole situation isn't right. He doesn't get the fact that I'm allergic to dirt, dust and cats, so being at his house sucks for me. He constantly wants to drag me out there. When I told him I was cleaning on Saturday, he said that my house seemed clean to him. I told him that my allergies make it so I have to really clean a great deal or I'll just be miserable. Other than out right telling him if he doesn't clean his house, I can't come out, I don't know what to do. And, I really don't want to be with someone who doesn't "think" about these things. I don't want to have to be the one always pushing the issue. So, the more I think about it, the more I think we aren't right for each other. Seems like he was totally into me in the beginning but then just decided to pull away. Or maybe he's the type of guy that has "intimacy" issues where he can't get that close to someone. Who knows? But, I'm not sure I want to bother to waste much more time with him. Why did he seem so right the first few weeks? I must be stinking crazy…don’t answer that, it wasn’t a question!!!! :)