Weekend

It is weird.  Until this past weekend, I thought I was completely over YBBK.  I really did.  But, I realized I still have a very weak spot for him.  After the party on Saturday, we were texting.  It was more him just texting me asking for information.  But, I took the opportunity to ask him to not bring a date for the beach weekend in October.  He is way more fun when he isn't doting on a woman.  He could have a really good time with his friends, if he just let himself.  I wish he could see this.  He answered saying he had already been with and failed with the only single lady going that he was interested in.  That text really shook me up.  It was then that I realized I was still in love with him.  The fact that we failed mad me cry. 

I still don't understand it.  It seemed like things were so good between us, yet something was missing for him.  I wish I could understand it.  What is it about me that men I adore can't see themselves with me for the long term? We had fun together.  We had good conversations.  And didn't seem to get sick of being around each other.  The sex was good.  I thougth we respected each other.  Maybe this was all one sided.  I don't know.  Part of me thinks he still hasn't gotten over his ex-wife and therefore, can't move forward.  Part of me thinks that is a cop out and there is some major flaw in me that I'm missing.  I can't figure it out.

I recently bought a Brandie Carlie live CD.  Throughout the CD are songs that remind me of various men in my life.  For YBBK, the song is called I Will.   The last stanza's sum up the way I feel about him and why I should continue to do what I can to distance myself from him.

It's been time to let you go a thousand times.
You'll never know how it hurts to be the one that you'd regret.
I have to say that I'm proud to know you
And I'll never be the same because we met
You might not miss this
But I will