Back to the Gym

I went back to the gym today. It is the first time in awhile since I’ve been there. We have a few weeks before outdoor soccer starts. I decided instead of sucking wind the first few games while I “get my legs back”, I’d start running at the gym to try and prevent the general decline in stamina that comes with sitting around eating bon bons between soccer seasons. If I was ever a writer and I had writer’s block, I’d go to the gym to relieve the block. I’m not saying the workout would help with writer’s block, no…the gym experience is just so entertaining, it’s hard not to share it.

The first amusing aspect is the usual checking out of each other without looking conspicuous or the least bit interested while avoiding eye contact at all costs. I wonder if the guys think they are actually being sly when they do this. I’ve gotten over being self conscious about it and try to catch their eye. (Yes, I can turn just about anything into a game. This is one of the advantages to being a kid in a grown up body.) Sometimes I manage to catch their eye and I’m met with a quick turn of the head and a slight blush. This causes me internal fits of giggles. Yeah, I can’t laugh out loud or I’d be “that crazy lady that’s always laughing at the gym.”

I decided to do the, oh damn, what’s the name of the stupid machine I use. Oh, the elliptical machine…I was thinking of how to describe the motion of the machine and I realized what it was called – doh! Any way, I climbed on board and started ellipting away (Yes, ellipting is a word…I just declared it so). Even with music…which I stupidly forgot today, this is the most boring thing to do on the face of the planet. Well, besides watching curling. No, I take that back. I think watching curling is more entertaining…did you see the pants the Norwegians were wearing?

Oh, where was I? That’s right, being bored on the elliptical machine. No wonder I digressed. I tried to alleviate my boredom by watching the TV. It was tuned into CNN and that was moving just way too slow. The other was on music videos and seriously, even with the music playing, they are absolutely dull! I came to the conclusion that people who are runners must not even be the least bit challenged with ADD or my variety which includes the H. I figure I must be about half way done with the workout, so I look down at the clock. What???? Only seven minutes. Oh man! How will I make the time go faster? I try to look around but the machines don’t face the rest of the gym. They should. It’d be more entertaining then the TV screens. Actually, I decided that each machine should come with its own video screen. That way you can bring your own entertainment…DVD or channel surf. I’d turn on Jeopardy – that would keep my mind busy. Or NCIS – a mystery and couple of cute guys solving it – works for me.

But alas, no one has invented such innovative machines yet. Well, at least my cheapo gym doesn’t have them. So I focus on my environment. I noticed the left side of my body was hotter than the right side. It really was. I’m not making this stuff up. I glance over and see a fairly large man ellipting next to me. He is sweating bullets. I’m absolutely positive he was radiating enough heat to bridge the 2-1/2 foot gap between us and was heating up the left side of my body. I try not to focus on him.

I look to the right to see a girl ellipting a few spots over. She has brought a book to read while ellipting (see, now that I’ve used the word several times, you are starting to think that if doesn’t exist, it should). I am jealous of such people. If I tried to read and ellipt, I’d get motion sickness. Yup after 3 minutes, I’d get dizzy and nauseous. If I didn’t stop, there’d be hell to pay! But, this girl is amazing. I say this because of the way she ellipts. It’s hard to describe….all I can say is imagine Jar-Jar Binks on an elliptical machine. Now exaggerate his movements and you have this girl. With all that movement, I can’t figure out how she manages to keep her eyes on the page. I wouldn’t even need to try and read a book and I’d have motion sickness if I ellipted like that. Hell, I was getting motion sickness just watching her.

So I go back to watching CNN and the music videos. If I looked from one to another enough times, it isn’t quite as boring. A really cool song came on…”Said, if you want to call me baby (Just go ahead, now) An' if you'd like to tell me maybe (Just go ahead, now) An' If you wanna buy me flowers (Just go ahead, now) And if you'd like to talk for hours (Just go ahead, now).” (okay, bonus points if you can name the song and artist). And finally, time was up.

The stretching is more fodder for the writer but I’m afraid you’re as bored as I was ellipting away. Next time I pick a spot with a view to the “weight lifting, plumage puffing, strong man strutting games” and my music. I definitely need the music. Actually what I really need is a ball to chase and a couple of people in my way. That always makes running 1000x more entertaining. Come on soccer season!

Back to the Gym

I haven’t felt like writing lately. I haven’t felt like doing much lately. I think the winter blahs truly had a hold on me. So in order to break its spell, I recommitted to working out. Yesterday, I went to the gym. All my old favorites were there.

Zodiac asked me where I had been…he had missed me. He’s such a nice guy. We chatted for a bit – mostly about my pathetic love life. He thinks I’m too shy. I know it’s because I’m too particular - yeah, I actually want a guy with morals, a brain, a sense of humor and a decent body. Damn my high standards! But hell, I not too shy! Zodiac is having cataract surgery on his right eye this week. He already had his left eye done. I am hoping it will go well for him.

Nice Girl wasn’t there last night but I did see her a week ago on my first day back. She was wondering what happened to me. She had hoped all was well with me. She is the other person I had wondered and thought about the most after I stopped going to the gym. It was nice to see her.

JabberJaws (JJ) wasn’t there but JJ2 was. I never see these two guys lift or use the equipment. Ususally they are standing next to one of the regulars just chatting away. The gym is their social outlet. JJ usually stops by to chat with me. Nice Girl told me that they were discussing me and why I had stopped going to the gym a couple of weeks ago. He told her that my boyfriend, who was in law enforcement probably wouldn’t let me go any more. Now that’s a double hoot! I mean me, a boyfriend. Ha! And as if ANY man can tell me what to do – hahaha! And, if one were to forbid me to do something…well, even if I didn’t want to do it, I’d be doing it – probably twice as often, too. I can’t wait to see JJ and tease him about how my boyfriend is going to arrest him for talking to me!

Besides Nice Girl and Zodiac, the usual cast of eye candy was there. Rising Sun and Marley (along with some of his wailers) were still lifting together. They are usually my primary form of entertainment while at the gym. So absolutely fabulous to watch. A few new guys...one who is in competetion with Ghiradeli and Lindt. Hmmm...not sure what to name him. And, Tall, Dark and Handsome was there. He has such a fabulous shape. Maybe one of these days he'll actually look at me so I can smile at him and try to strike up a conversation. I bet he's married (no ring on his finger but he's working out) or has a gf...he seems to only be concerned with his work out.

But in all, it was a wonderful trip. Lots of entertainment... in the form of overflowing testosterone. Testosterone is God's ensurance that men will do stupid things to either irritate or entertain women. I love it!

Maybe the next trip will inspire me to write my top 10 favorite things about the gym!

Epilogue

So I beat the heck out of the heavy bag at the gym. Many years ago, I was a brown belt in karate. I haven’t bothered with it much in the past few years. But, I needed a way to get out of my system the irritation with being treated so disrespectfully. I had lifted (biceps and triceps) and started running on elliptical machine. But it wasn’t enough. So I got off the machine and walked up to the bag. We bowed, we “uhsed” (Japanese word of respect), and we kicked the shit out of each other. Okay so I beat the hell out of the bag, it just took the beating (at the time, but had a sneaky way of making me feel like it beat me up the next morning). I was impressed with how good my flexibility, technique and strength were after all these years. I’m tough; I’m bad, that’s right. So, after about 10-15 minutes, I felt better. Well, not sure better is the word, more like so flippin exhausted, the anger was gone. This was Tuesday night. As of Wednesday, I was over it.

Last night, I went out on a second date with the Genius. You know he’s got to be one if I call him one. We went hiking in the rain. He’s a real interesting fella - seems gay to me, though. His brother is, so there is the genetic possibility. [Side note: one of these days they’ll bother to look for the gene and declare it is innate!] But, still, I think he is or has very gay tendencies. And, I’m pretty sure he’s after only one thing, though - my prized bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon that received a 95 by wine spectator. Okay, so he told me that he doesn’t want me to think that is true but his eyes lit up when I told him I had brought it back with me from my visit to Chile. I would consider sharing - as it’s nice that he’s the type to appreciate it, but he’s going to have to prove he’s worth it!

So, when I got home, C2’s bf (hubby) changed Good Luck Chuck’s name to what the f*k Chuck. Hubby was more disgusted at WTFchuck’s behavior than I was. His indignation was far greater than mine. He ranted and raved about how he couldn’t believe this guy was such a dirt bag. He had thought the guy was more respectable than that. How could he have misjudged the guy so badly? WTFchuck made his whole gender look bad. He acted like a puss. The rant lasted for at least five minutes. Absolutely adorable he was so upset for me. This is why we love the hubby so much!!!

So what happened this morning? Well see, I’d like to blame this on hubby but I think he just vocalized what I was thinking. So, I vocalized what I was thinking. Yeah, I did it. I called and left WTFchuck a voicemail. I know, I know, I know better! I wish I had recorded it so I could transcribe it for you, though. Actually, I wish I had written it out eloquently so I could have GMAT words he’d have to look up (he doesn’t have a degree). But, it was the spur of the moment, before walking into the bunker (where I have no reception) decision…the worst kind! But as you read this, remember tone is everything and I kept my tone chipper. I call and say…Hi it’s C1, but you know that as you’re ignoring me. At first, I was worried something happened to you. Then, I realized this was your way of dumping me. And, I think it’s crap. It’s not like you broke my heart or anything. But you could have called and said, hey not interested in seeing you any more because of, well whatever, make something up. You don’t go putting your paws all over a girl, call her, talk for an hour, ask her out and then ignore her calls back. It’s so disrespectful. An honorable person doesn’t do that….then I said something about growing or getting a pair but can’t remember how that came out. But it did end with okay, so I’m glad I got that off my chest. I feel better now. Take care. Bye bye.

And, I do feel better. I mean it’s not like I ever want to be with a guy who lacks the bullocks to call, text or email a girl and say, “hey, not interested any more. Have a good one.” Seems a bit too much like the cowardly ex…you know? So, yeah, I feel like I dodged a bullet! Not sure if he’ll see me as a bitter woman and I’d hate to think that he is so arrogant that he thought I was gaa gaa over him. I hadn’t found the deal breaker… yet. But, I’m sure it was there.

Mother’s don’t let you boys grow up to be pansies! I think it’s a country song in the making….hmmmmm….

So, when I head to the gym today, I wonder how many of the guys who saw me sparring with the heavy bag (Tuesday) are going to be all hot and bothered by me. Do guys like a woman with a temper who might well kick their ass? Probably not. They’ll all be to afraid to look at me. Ha!!!!

Risin' Sun - first encounter

So I got up the nerve to talk to Risin’ Sun. It was a couple days before I took off for the UK foolery. I finally decided my crush had gotten too large to ignore and I had to find out how old he was. I had thought about how to do it so he didnt' suspect I was only trying to find out how old he was. I think I anaged to make myself proud for the sly way I did it!

So I didn’t have the powers that liquid courage usually required for just such occasions. I finally had to just bite the bullet and go talk to him. I had found out he was friendly when I asked him to move the 85lb weight for me. So, I knew he wouldn’t be rude.

So, I went up and asked him about lifting. I asked how often he did it. Then when he started? Was he as big then, how old was he when he started? Did he have any long breaks? He told me he had been lifting for 6 years. Then the question of the age…. He gave me an age that I thought was when he started. A quick mathematical calculation and yes! He is one year above my cut off age. My elation lasted about 0.5 seconds because then he said, “so that made me XX when I started.” I hope he didn’t see the disappointment in my face when I realized he was 5 years under the limit. Major suckage!! (Yeah, yeah, suckage isn’t a word, but it is so appropriate here; don’t you think?)

Any way, we chatted for a bit more... this time about my big, beautiful muscles…okay, about what I should do to improve my muscles, etc. He is a really nice guy and up close, he’s much bigger than I realized. Damn, I want to rest my head on those beautiful pectoral muscles and have him through me about with his big huge biceps. Snap out of it! What is my fascination with big muscles???? It can’t be right!

Any way, I saw him one last time before I went to UK for the foolery. He actually smiled at me and said hi. Dang, did I mention how sweet he is??? But alas, the age rule were set for my protection (only). I must not violate them. I will not violate them. Why did I set those stupid limits up again???????????