Mistakes happen especially around cute boys and alcohol as we both know all too well. All we can do is laugh about it and swear that it never happens again.
Thanks DD!
Monday, January 21, 2008
Rough weekend...
Riddled with mistakes
Felt like crap
Remembered why I have rules.
Hate the male gender
Don't really care to date
Don't really care to be alone.
Tired of the cold weather
Want to move to the beach
Rent umbrellas to men without shirts.
Felt like crap
Remembered why I have rules.
Hate the male gender
Don't really care to date
Don't really care to be alone.
Tired of the cold weather
Want to move to the beach
Rent umbrellas to men without shirts.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
complete the sentence
I am...: going to bed very very soon.
My ex-boyfriend was...: a committment phobe.
I should....: stop worrying about things so much
I love....: hanging with my roomie.
I don't understand....: why people need to lie
I lost my....: trusting nature thanks to the cheating ex
My current boyfriend is....: non-existant
People say I'm...: a very loyal friend
Love is....: patient, kind, honest and trusting
Somewhere, someone is....: without material goods but happy with their loved ones.
I will always...: thank God for his blessings
Forever is....: known only by God
I never want to...: hurt another the way I was hurt
I think the current President is....: a moron with a Napolean complex
When I wake up in the morning, I....: curse the alarm clock
Life is full of...: friends
My past is incredibly...: blah
I get annoyed when...: someone treats me unfairly.
Parties are for...: meeting new people and having fun with old ones.
I wish...: for love,
Tommorrow I'm going to...: have fun with my roomie
I really want some....: peace
I have low tolerance for people who....: arrogant and ignorant especially at the same time
If I had a million dollars...: I'd invest and give to church
My ex-boyfriend was...: a committment phobe.
I should....: stop worrying about things so much
I love....: hanging with my roomie.
I don't understand....: why people need to lie
I lost my....: trusting nature thanks to the cheating ex
My current boyfriend is....: non-existant
People say I'm...: a very loyal friend
Love is....: patient, kind, honest and trusting
Somewhere, someone is....: without material goods but happy with their loved ones.
I will always...: thank God for his blessings
Forever is....: known only by God
I never want to...: hurt another the way I was hurt
I think the current President is....: a moron with a Napolean complex
When I wake up in the morning, I....: curse the alarm clock
Life is full of...: friends
My past is incredibly...: blah
I get annoyed when...: someone treats me unfairly.
Parties are for...: meeting new people and having fun with old ones.
I wish...: for love,
Tommorrow I'm going to...: have fun with my roomie
I really want some....: peace
I have low tolerance for people who....: arrogant and ignorant especially at the same time
If I had a million dollars...: I'd invest and give to church
Monday, January 14, 2008
Run away
This feeling of emptiness, failure and pain is what makes me wonder why I just keep trying to find a partner. I haven’t even been out right rejected, but it certainly feels like it.
Date 1: drinks: He’s cute enough, fun, light hearted, and good at communicating. I really enjoyed myself.
Date 2, Friday: dinner, pool, drinks. Talking was fun. He’s good at pool but not super competitive. Very affectionate. Liked to dance and listen to the band. Good kisser. Lot’s of fun and excited because he asked to see me for brunch on Sunday.
Date 3, Sunday: He said he wasn’t hungry lunch was just an excuse to see me. We cuddle on the couch and watch football. Go to lunch at half time. Again, everything seems so natural and right.
End of date 3: We talk about the fact that he is seeing other people still. Not really talk about it…just confirm that he is okay with me doing it and him continuing. It tears my heart out… makes me want run away and never see him again. I can’t allow myself to be put in that type of situation. I don’t EVER want to compete with another woman for a man’s attention. I can’t handle the rejection if it were to occur. I feel so low, so hurt, so flippin broken.
WHY, oh why does this have to happen to me? I really saw potential here, but I can’t even think about continuing to see him if he is seeing other girls. I can’t put my heart out there like that.
Am, I still so broken from the lying, cheating ex that I can’t exist in a normal dating world? Will I ever be the same and recover?
How can I find the fortitude to go on, keep trying, have hope? Every time I get there, the hope gets dashed, the heart hurts again and the tears just flow down my face
Date 1: drinks: He’s cute enough, fun, light hearted, and good at communicating. I really enjoyed myself.
Date 2, Friday: dinner, pool, drinks. Talking was fun. He’s good at pool but not super competitive. Very affectionate. Liked to dance and listen to the band. Good kisser. Lot’s of fun and excited because he asked to see me for brunch on Sunday.
Date 3, Sunday: He said he wasn’t hungry lunch was just an excuse to see me. We cuddle on the couch and watch football. Go to lunch at half time. Again, everything seems so natural and right.
End of date 3: We talk about the fact that he is seeing other people still. Not really talk about it…just confirm that he is okay with me doing it and him continuing. It tears my heart out… makes me want run away and never see him again. I can’t allow myself to be put in that type of situation. I don’t EVER want to compete with another woman for a man’s attention. I can’t handle the rejection if it were to occur. I feel so low, so hurt, so flippin broken.
WHY, oh why does this have to happen to me? I really saw potential here, but I can’t even think about continuing to see him if he is seeing other girls. I can’t put my heart out there like that.
Am, I still so broken from the lying, cheating ex that I can’t exist in a normal dating world? Will I ever be the same and recover?
How can I find the fortitude to go on, keep trying, have hope? Every time I get there, the hope gets dashed, the heart hurts again and the tears just flow down my face
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Missing
I'm missing you
What to do?
Days seem dreary
body is weary
my heart is blue.
you came in my life
eased my strife
a ray of sunshine
a botty of wine
the very best wife.
You eased my chores
laughed at the bores
brought so much joy
better than a boy
tackled the stores.
Each passing day
I dream away
to hear the song
It seems so long
Come home to stay!
Yeah, it's pretty flippin lousy, but I wrote it in 10 minutes. But damn I miss my roomie!!!!
What to do?
Days seem dreary
body is weary
my heart is blue.
you came in my life
eased my strife
a ray of sunshine
a botty of wine
the very best wife.
You eased my chores
laughed at the bores
brought so much joy
better than a boy
tackled the stores.
Each passing day
I dream away
to hear the song
It seems so long
Come home to stay!
Yeah, it's pretty flippin lousy, but I wrote it in 10 minutes. But damn I miss my roomie!!!!
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Through the eyes and ears of another
I'm not sure if I was kind, cruel or cruel to be kind....you be the judge....But you'll only get to hear/see this through the eyes of the hybrid who received the voicemails and calls.
1st call: Yeah, well, I'm not looking forward to this date... He picked Dave and Busters of all places... Yup, I can't stand that place. No, I'm going to try and have fun. He seemed nice on our last date, just no fireworks. Everyone deserves a second date.
2nd call (left on voicemail): Now I *%$&* remember why I don't go to the flippin mall! What are all these people doing here? don't they have a life? I can't find a stinking empty parking spot even though there are a million here and I've been driving around for 15 %$@* minutes. I don't even care if I'm late, now. I hate the mall and crowds. AAHHHH! Thanks for listening.
text (reply): can't text now. almost at the restaurant.
text (5 minutes later): The loser is late. WTF??? He's got 10 minutes to show or I'm outta here.
text (10 minutes later): Okay, he showed. Yeah, he's cute and damn he's got a nice butt.
3rd call (left on voicemail about an hour later): Oh man. I'm in the bathroom. I told him I wasn't feeling good and needed to find a bathroom Dave and Busters is worse than I imagined. It's horrible. We got into a discussion that was oober annoying. I really don't like him. Why aren't you answering? I think I'm going to fake getting sick and go home.
4th call (voicemail 10 minutes later): I'm outta here. Told him I had to leave. I'm in my car, on the way home now. Call me when you get out of the movies and we can hang out. Gosh that was torturous!
1st call: Yeah, well, I'm not looking forward to this date... He picked Dave and Busters of all places... Yup, I can't stand that place. No, I'm going to try and have fun. He seemed nice on our last date, just no fireworks. Everyone deserves a second date.
2nd call (left on voicemail): Now I *%$&* remember why I don't go to the flippin mall! What are all these people doing here? don't they have a life? I can't find a stinking empty parking spot even though there are a million here and I've been driving around for 15 %$@* minutes. I don't even care if I'm late, now. I hate the mall and crowds. AAHHHH! Thanks for listening.
text (reply): can't text now. almost at the restaurant.
text (5 minutes later): The loser is late. WTF??? He's got 10 minutes to show or I'm outta here.
text (10 minutes later): Okay, he showed. Yeah, he's cute and damn he's got a nice butt.
3rd call (left on voicemail about an hour later): Oh man. I'm in the bathroom. I told him I wasn't feeling good and needed to find a bathroom Dave and Busters is worse than I imagined. It's horrible. We got into a discussion that was oober annoying. I really don't like him. Why aren't you answering? I think I'm going to fake getting sick and go home.
4th call (voicemail 10 minutes later): I'm outta here. Told him I had to leave. I'm in my car, on the way home now. Call me when you get out of the movies and we can hang out. Gosh that was torturous!
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Twas a week before Christmas
So I am assuming you get “holiday” (aka Christmas/Hanukah/kwanza, you name the heritage, I’ll give you a holiday) cards from your friends. I have some friends who live far away and don’t keep in touch very well. They find it necessary to write what I like to call “my year in review” notes. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE getting the notes and hearing what they are up to. I tend to write them too…telling all the cool and interesting things that happened to me and my family in the past year. This year, I couldn’t do that. It’s been another rough year. Here’s what my year summary would look like.
Well, at midnight beginning of 2007 I said, “good fucking riddance to 2006. Next year has got to be better” as the shell dropped in Key west. Yeah, Key West Florida. Would have been a great trip but the guy I went with was a complete and utter dud! Sucks cuz we were friends and I thought this would be the beginning of a great relationship. But no, somehow his extreme introverted behavior had never been noticed by me…until that vacation. But, I did get to go kayaking, snorkeling, and see a hammerhead shark up close. The shark was really cool!
I can’t really remember the spring. Guess nothing fabulous happened during those months. Oh yeah, met “psycho guy”. Well he wasn’t psycho when we met. Was cute, sweet, and fun to be around but he was still reeling from a cheating wife and I needed to cut that cord and quick. I knew exactly where he was emotionally and it wasn’t safe for me. So when I broke up with him, I discovered his psycho tendencies. HOLY moley, did he scare the crap out of me speeding on some winding roads. Roomie got a “here’s where to find my dead body” text from me that day. But, he spared my life and I ran, not walked, to the nearest exit!!!! To his credit, this was just temporary insanity onset by lying, cheating, selfish, uncaring woman. But still scary none the less!
Then in the beginning of June, my grandmother fell and broke her hip. She went into the hospital. I took a trip up to visit and it was sad to see how sick she was. She was too sick to get the surgery to fix her hip. She wanted to die rather than live in pain, so I learned to pray for death for one of the people I’ve loved the most in the world – a person who NEVER let me down and was my role model. Yea that sucked. What sucked worse was she didn’t die. She encouraged my sister and I to take our daughters on our trip to Venice, Italy. It was our trip to my grandparents “homeland” to celebrate our heritage. We went and it was a good trip. Took lots of pictures and the girls were very well behaved, even if ill matched in personality.
My roomie was away and I missed her. But got close to my other bestest friend in the world. Thank God for her on July 7, because she went with me to the vet when, my faithful companion of 10 years passed away. He was the best boy I could have ever hoped for. He never let me down. I was pretty sure he wouldn’t outlive me, but hadn’t expected him to die so soon. His heart was broken, just like mine. I’m not sure the lesson God wanted me to learn in this one. I still don’t understand why he put me through that. I loved scrappy more than can be expressed.
September 17, God finally had mercy on my Grandmother’s ailing body and took her to heaven. Her last words to me were, “don’t worry honey, you don’t have to get married if you don’t want to.” She was such a good woman. While it can be a sad time, my family was all relieved her suffering had finally ended. During the funeral, I came to understand why God didn’t grant my (saint of a woman) grandmother’s wish to die. Grandpa was heartbroken. All he could do was to tell everyone how letting her go is so hard, how lonely he is and how much he misses grandma. It was one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard anyone ever say. God had kept Grandma alive to help Grandpa adjust. It had to be.
During the fall, I got promoted at work and now have two great guys working for me. Yippee!!!! Only other noteworthy fall stuff... two more failed relationships. Both, so promising at first, but not even really worth mentioning. I’m amazed at the immaturity that men can exhibit. They were definitely not members of the "stronger sex" - WTF????
One December 6, my Grandfather took his life. He couldn’t bear to be without Grandma. My heart was broken yet again. They spent 71 Christmas eves together and I keep telling myself they will be together this one. That is, if God is as good as I hope and He forgives my Grandpa for taking his life. I have to believe He has and Grandma is giving Grandpa grief for disturbing her “peace”. I still can’t write about how broken hearted I am over it. It’s as if I’m numb.
So that was my year in review. Not a very joyful and triumphant card…wouldn't you say?
So this new years, instead of saying “good f-ing riddance to 2007; it’s got to get better, right?” I won’t tempt God into showing me how strong I am and how much more I can handle in my life.
Well, at midnight beginning of 2007 I said, “good fucking riddance to 2006. Next year has got to be better” as the shell dropped in Key west. Yeah, Key West Florida. Would have been a great trip but the guy I went with was a complete and utter dud! Sucks cuz we were friends and I thought this would be the beginning of a great relationship. But no, somehow his extreme introverted behavior had never been noticed by me…until that vacation. But, I did get to go kayaking, snorkeling, and see a hammerhead shark up close. The shark was really cool!
I can’t really remember the spring. Guess nothing fabulous happened during those months. Oh yeah, met “psycho guy”. Well he wasn’t psycho when we met. Was cute, sweet, and fun to be around but he was still reeling from a cheating wife and I needed to cut that cord and quick. I knew exactly where he was emotionally and it wasn’t safe for me. So when I broke up with him, I discovered his psycho tendencies. HOLY moley, did he scare the crap out of me speeding on some winding roads. Roomie got a “here’s where to find my dead body” text from me that day. But, he spared my life and I ran, not walked, to the nearest exit!!!! To his credit, this was just temporary insanity onset by lying, cheating, selfish, uncaring woman. But still scary none the less!
Then in the beginning of June, my grandmother fell and broke her hip. She went into the hospital. I took a trip up to visit and it was sad to see how sick she was. She was too sick to get the surgery to fix her hip. She wanted to die rather than live in pain, so I learned to pray for death for one of the people I’ve loved the most in the world – a person who NEVER let me down and was my role model. Yea that sucked. What sucked worse was she didn’t die. She encouraged my sister and I to take our daughters on our trip to Venice, Italy. It was our trip to my grandparents “homeland” to celebrate our heritage. We went and it was a good trip. Took lots of pictures and the girls were very well behaved, even if ill matched in personality.
My roomie was away and I missed her. But got close to my other bestest friend in the world. Thank God for her on July 7, because she went with me to the vet when, my faithful companion of 10 years passed away. He was the best boy I could have ever hoped for. He never let me down. I was pretty sure he wouldn’t outlive me, but hadn’t expected him to die so soon. His heart was broken, just like mine. I’m not sure the lesson God wanted me to learn in this one. I still don’t understand why he put me through that. I loved scrappy more than can be expressed.
September 17, God finally had mercy on my Grandmother’s ailing body and took her to heaven. Her last words to me were, “don’t worry honey, you don’t have to get married if you don’t want to.” She was such a good woman. While it can be a sad time, my family was all relieved her suffering had finally ended. During the funeral, I came to understand why God didn’t grant my (saint of a woman) grandmother’s wish to die. Grandpa was heartbroken. All he could do was to tell everyone how letting her go is so hard, how lonely he is and how much he misses grandma. It was one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard anyone ever say. God had kept Grandma alive to help Grandpa adjust. It had to be.
During the fall, I got promoted at work and now have two great guys working for me. Yippee!!!! Only other noteworthy fall stuff... two more failed relationships. Both, so promising at first, but not even really worth mentioning. I’m amazed at the immaturity that men can exhibit. They were definitely not members of the "stronger sex" - WTF????
One December 6, my Grandfather took his life. He couldn’t bear to be without Grandma. My heart was broken yet again. They spent 71 Christmas eves together and I keep telling myself they will be together this one. That is, if God is as good as I hope and He forgives my Grandpa for taking his life. I have to believe He has and Grandma is giving Grandpa grief for disturbing her “peace”. I still can’t write about how broken hearted I am over it. It’s as if I’m numb.
So that was my year in review. Not a very joyful and triumphant card…wouldn't you say?
So this new years, instead of saying “good f-ing riddance to 2007; it’s got to get better, right?” I won’t tempt God into showing me how strong I am and how much more I can handle in my life.
I will praise him for removing the cancerous weasel ex husband from my life – especially knowing he could have never handled the emotional turmoil that was my life this past year. I will praise Him for letting me say goodbye to my grandparents and my dog. I will praise Him for the wonderful friends he has sent to help me through these difficult times. And I will beg Him not to take them away. I’ll praise Him for the beautiful daughter who seems to be maturing and pray He will keep her safe (please, please, please). I’ll praise him for the cute puppy that Roomie brought home against my wishes. And, I’ll ask Him to take care of them when they move out. Finally, I’ll praise Him for teaching me all about bad relationships and how to break them off quickly – like ripping off that band-aid, amazing how much it doesn't hurt! And, beg him to either send me the man he wants me to be with or to take the longing from my heart.
Please Lord, hear my voice because truly, I am sure I can’t take much more heartache.
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