Absolute Mess...

Yup that's me! Thinking I'm in a better place/frame of mind. And, I know what I should and shouldn't do. But as usual, I falter. I get caught up in the moment, the time, and forget everything I've learned, everything I know. I know better than to do what I'm doing, yet I don't want to not do it. Is it really that wrong or am I now just rationalizing it. How can something feel so absolutely right and wrong at the same time. How can the sound of his voice or the touch of his hand just put me in a trance. Such a need to reach out emotionally and help him through what I've been through. Thinking don't cross the line, but still crossing it. Sitting here a mess, too tired to think. Honest disclosure to him, but never the less, knowing where he is and how he can't fathom it. It's my responsiblity to do the right thing. And, I'm not even sure what that is. I look deep inside and just can't understand. I know God is shaking his head at me right now. Like I do with my fav. 17 year old. Going to make a mistake, gotta let her learn the hard way...