In Ten Days

May 4, 2007 - would have been my anniversary with Mike. I decided to reflect upon this early, as I wanted to be prepared. Last year, he and I spent a long lunch together, talking, crying, rehashing the past - with thoughts of possible reconciliation. There seemed to be hope at that time that, despite his infidelity and continued affair with the woman who had absolutely no regard for my marriage, he still respected the vows he took. But, alas this was not to be the case. So this year, this date will hold no value to me what so ever.

Yet, something amazing has been happening to me in the past month. My life is blooming like I never imagined it would! I have had the most marvelous time with my friends. I am truly finding happiness in the crappy a** hand that those two low lifes dealt me.

Yeah, I will never forgive either of them. The whore for being an adulteress who has no thought of lying, sneaking around and breaking up a marriage. She has no worth to me. But Michael...he is a different story. Not only did he lie, cheat and act like an out and out coward. These things I forgave him for. He refused to be a man. He refused to try and make our marriage work. He refused counselling and refused to attempt to make good on the vows he made to me. He never had the ability to be honest with me. He is the ultimate coward, manipulator and truly the worst betrayer of me and my love. For this he will never be forgiven.

But, I've come to realize, I don't need to forgive him to be happy. And, despite him, I am happy. I am enjoying my athletic and creative pursuits, working to help others, doing such fun things and Oh, I am laughing so much. I'm more busy than I'd like, but I'm just so fulfilled these days. I just can't remember a time when I felt so free and laughed so much. I really think college was the last time I felt this good! Absolutely amazing!

So this year, I won't be celebrating the life long commitment I made to a man who has no ability to keep commitments or be faithful. I will be celebrating the glory of this new life that God has created from the ashes. I will be with roomie, the gorgeous halfbreed, sexy secret service boy, singing Swahili, torn girl, chica, and a host of others who are the most amazing folks on this planet!

God is good; God is faithful and I will trust in Him in all things