ICE

I had to fill out some waiver forms today. In the blank labeled “in case of emergency please contact,” I got stumped. What am I to write there? When I was a kid, teen and very young adult, I used to put mom’s name and number. When I was married, I put my husband’s name and number. Being divorced with an elderly mom, I had no one to put there… until BFE moved in with me. She became my ICE. But now she’s gone. She left for the summer and most probably we won't be living together after her summer internship. She is needed back home to take care of Momma. It’s completely understandable that she should go. But the nobleness (is that a word? I don't feel like looking it up.) and maturity of her actions doesn’t fill the void I’m feeling. Every time I think about it, I tear up. For the past 1-3/4 year, she has been my best friend, early morning coffee drinking confident, late night partner in crime, excuse, scapegoat and conscience. I mean, come on -she was finally getting somewhere on her attempts to rehabilitate my shopping avoidance disorder. Yes, I went to the mall 2 weeks in a row and got some fabulous stuff at Anne Taylor Loft!

I was never naïve enough to believe this arrangement would go on forever. Despite all the suppositions and accusations, we are not gay! But still, I guess I thought we had more time. Or maybe when she left, it wouldn’t be to a foreign country (aka the deep south). I figured it would be a short car ride away. That she would still be around to talk me into hanging out with las tres amigas and blowing off a date I wasn’t going to enjoy. Or to hear my detailed after action reports, reassuring me that “yeah, that is curious/weird/interesting/sexy.” Sure, we still have the internet and phone. But, we both know I can’t stand talking on the phone. Hell everyone knows how much I hate using the stupid thing. I guess I’ll have to try and change that. But, despite it all, I am old enough to know what happens on such cases. First, we’ll keep in touch pretty regularly. But, over time, the calls and visits will become fewer and further between until we’re to the point of just sending the dreaded Christmas updates and maybe a birthday card here and there.

I know I sound all gloom and doom but my experience hasn’t been any different. Granted, she is the absolute best friend I ever had. So maybe, it will be different. And, she is the type of person who places her relationships above all other things in her life – including school, finances and her health (all of which I nag her about). But I feel as though I have a right to be bummed out. I’m losing my best friend and roomie. I hate coming home to an empty house. When I first come in, I want to be left alone to put stuff away, etc. But then I love to have someone to talk to, who tells me about their day or the latest escapades of the world around us. AND, who is interested enough to ask about me. Or just to have someone to sit and watch tv with. And damn BFE was great at this. Criminal Minds, Numbers, NCIS, Grey’s and House aren’t the same without her there. Who will lust over the hot guys with me? Who’s going to sigh with me when we hear the phrase baby doll? Who’s going to listen to me when I say the concept is correct but the math can’t be applied like that. But since he’s cute, we’ll let him get away with it or You think they'll show him without his shirt on? Who else will agree with me – wanting to be as bad ass as Ziva? Who will look at me and smile when Meredith and Christina make an agreement to be each other’s person?

Yep that’s what got me started on all this. And, why I have to stop because I’m sitting at work, balling my eyes out. And with my luck some cute guy (ha like there are any here) will walk in and want to ask me some stupid question, as snot runs down my face…..(yeah, she'd think that was pretty funny, too)