Darkest before the Dawn

I’m floating today. It’s as if a burden has been lifted and I was the one doing the burdening!!! Imagine that!

So, YM asked about me dating other guys a few times in the past month. I knew there would come a time soon when I’d have to buck up and either commit or set him free. P1 made the decision easy. I haven’t heard from him since our date last Sunday. It seems like the communication had been dwindling off and that he really wasn’t ready for a commitment. I met his brother and sister last weekend, as well as having time spent with his daughter. But then I heard nothing back from him. I’m not sure what I did wrong or if it was nothing at all – just a bit of cold feet on his part. But, either way, his silence made me realize that relationship was going nowhere fast and the only reason I was still hanging on was I wanted to be dating someone my age!

So last night, I sat down with my shrink and asked her a few questions about dating YM. I needed to understand the biblical implications of the situation… which thankfully, there are none (the bible warns about believers with non believers, giving yourself to someone without a commitment and the repercussions of them rejecting you, and how to act toward each other in relationships, but nothing about age). She laughed at me at first and I almost cried. But her laughing was because she said up until recently, she may have advised me against it. But she had to realize that age is just a chronological number and she realizes that it’s about who people are to each other. She told me I should be asking myself if my “picker” is working right and what do I like about him and if I think he is being realistic about the relationship (like is he willing to spend the last 10 years of his life alone? Does he want kids? etc.). It was a good conversation because she pointed out things that I might have missed – i.e. would I have an issue if he was 15 years older than me? (no). And, she suggested I do things that I was already being lead to do but not sure why… introduce him to my close friends and family and give them a chance to get to know him to help validate my “picker”. That the only thing I shouldn’t listen to is if they point out the age difference as a problem without any other personality conflicts. And, I was definitely thinking I needed to invite him to church, etc. So, it seemed like I was at least on the path to doing the right stuff….seems like I’m more “fixed” than I thought! I told all this to YM last night. I asked him to go to church with me and he asked if I was ready to have all my friends and acquaintances see me with him (younger man). And, I am, so he said he’d go with me and we solidified that we were “boyfriend and girlfriend” or to “make it official” as my boo likes to say.

And, today I am on cloud nine. I can’t believe how good it feels to have finally made that step and I’m feeling like it is absolutely the right step. YM has been kind and patient with my indecision and never once has he pressured me. He knows exactly how to do the right thing. I think I feel the “L” word coming on…no seriously, I do! Okay, maybe not, but maybe.

The only dark spot is a friend, who wanted more than just friendship, but who constantly told me friendship first and he wanted to be friends more than dating. And, it was okay if we were only friends, blah, blah blah…. Here’s what he wrote when I told him I couldn’t go on a “date” with him because I had committed to YM….

I had already put a great deal of thought into my response to your answer, if it was no, or in this case what you have said......I must say that no woman has ever had the effect you have had on me, I have never (and I mean this) never felt like this before. Having said that, I will also say that I will always feel this way about you; I can never have a bad thought concerning you, I wish you all the best in your attempt to find true happiness. I really hope it works out for you, please believe that.

Now I must also say that this situation is so painful for me I don't think I can continue to be friends with you......I am so sorry things did not work out for us. Have a happy life and God bless you (and I really do mean that also).

I think it is a little over dramatic. I’m not sure how he could have such strong feelings for me because we only hung out a few times. His friends first line was obviously a line because he it seems he truly didn’t want friendship but something that I told him I didn’t think I could give to him. But, he kept saying he just wanted to be friends first and if anything developed then be it… which now was obviously was BS. I wonder if this will ever occur to him. Guys can be so stupid! Yes C2, our mantra stands: Boys are Retarded!!!!


Oh well, that’s about as much of a damper as he could put on my day. I get to see my YM tonight and I know we’ll have a good time. He is too dang cute for words! And, he kisses really good. Oh and Count M&M, he loves Formula one racing...any guy who likes that can't be all bad, right?