Buyers Remorse

So last night I spoke with YM on the phone. He seemed distant. I know he was upset about work. His project proposal was turned down…well they just threw up a bunch of red tape that he didn’t feel like dealing with it so he let his pet project (that he was so excited about) get canceled. I can look at it as just another time when management totally screwed up, by being idiots and not harnessing the exuberance of someone who is willing to go the distance for something they were excited about. It is a very stupid business move on his boss’s part! But I know that really bugged him. Then they reneged on a “work at home once a week” deal that he had been offered. And, he had a problem he couldn’t solve and he’s used to being the “whiz kid” and fixing things right away. So, it was a real rough day for him. Plus his room mate has been an ass for the past week or so. So, I get it. I get the feeling of sadness he is experiencing. And, I’m hoping that is all his distance was derived from.

But, because the world revolves around me and I’m quite the cynic, I fear the behavior has something to do with me. I keep thinking, well now that I’ve finally broken down and committed to him, his interest is starting to wane. Maybe he is one of those guys who is all about the chase. They get high off of trying to win the affections of a girl. Once she falls for him, the chase is over and he is bored and ready for the next conquest.

Or worse yet, maybe he isn’t that type of guy but instead, he is experiencing buyer’s remorse. Maybe all of a sudden, seeing me “all in” has him wondering if this is what he wants. Does he really want me as much as he thought? Now that he has me, is he seeing my faults as really annoying? Is he seeing the age thing as insurmountable?

Or maybe, this is the case where his true colors are shining through. Maybe for the last few months he has “put his best foot forward.” Maybe now he feels he can just be and this is the real YM. This isn’t too far fetched of an idea. How many men have I met that seemed fabulous at first but turned out to be duds? Too many to count! I didn’t think that the case because I had taken it slow with YM and thought I’d see the warning flags before now. But, it could be he was just hiding it.

Or maybe, I’m just trying to sabotage this whole thing. Trying to make sure I don’t give him too much of my heart. Making sure he can’t hurt me so I find problems. I mean really, he could have just had a bad day and didn’t feel like talking, right?