Fix You

The other day I was telling my BFE all my fears about PJ. I’m terrified to let go. I told her if I let go and moved to be with him, it was still possible he could hurt me. If I let go and loved him the way I know I can, he could break me. And, I don’t think I could handle it. I think I would completely break down and not be able to handle getting hurt like that again. She told me, “Don’t worry, if anything happens, you can always come home to me and I’ll fix you again.” She apologized for being flippant about my fears.

Funny part was, knowing she was there, that I could come “home” to her and get fixed (again) gave me courage. Because I know we fixed each other. We gave each other the love, loyalty, trust and friendship needed to heal our wounds, mend our spirits and become whole. I know she fixed me once and could indeed, fix me again (even if was broken worse than the last time).

So today, when I heard Coldplay’s song, Fix You, I thought of her and cried. I cried my eyes out remembering how broken we were.
When you try your best but you don't succeed. When you get what you want but not what you need. When you feel so tired but you can't sleep. Stuck in reverse. When the tears come streaming down your face… When you love someone but it goes to waste. Could it be worse?

And, how, when we were fixing each other we had some of the best times of our lives.
High up above or down below, when you're too in love to let it go. If you never try you'll never know, just what you're worth.

I cried because we both have had to move on, meaning she’ll be in the Deep South and me in New England. I cried because la Tres Amiga, who was an integral part of that healing, is also moving away. Torn apart… it still doesn’t seem fair to me.
Tears stream, down your face, when you lose something you can't replace.

And, I cried because I knew that I could let go and fall madly in love with PJ. Because, if I were ever broken again, I could go home and BFE would fix me. Tears of gratitude…I have been truly blessed.
Tears stream down your face. I promise you I have learned from my mistakes. Tears stream down your face. And I…

Lights will guide you home. And ignite your bones. And I will try to fix you.