I'd like to. I'd like to get over this heartache I'm feeling. Some days I'm angry at PJ for not wanting to commit. But most of the time, I'm just sad. I'm sad for him. Sad that he had to go through what he did. Sad that he can't see beyond it. Sad because I am sure, one day, he'll regret it.
I'm sad for me, too. Sad that I have no idea on how to convince him what he is doing is all jacked up. Sad because I can't stand the sense of loss I am dealing with. Sad because right now, nothing matters to me. Sad because I'm angry with God and don't want to have a relationship with him. Sad because I'm lonely. And, mostly sad because I can't move on.
PJ seems to be withdrawing from me...even further. Our communication is less and less. We have no future time when we'll be getting together. And, I'm sure he wants it that way. It sucks. It sucks because every part of me aches and no one can understand it. Many of my friends have no clue. I guess they just want me to be the strong, happy one. I'm tired of playing that part. I just want to cry and cry and cry and cry.
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