Betrayal

So I had to write the following letter to a friend who had meant the world to me. 

Once upon a time, I was friends with this guy. We spent a lot of time getting to know each other. Eventually I told him my story and of my past hurt. He told me that I was wonderful and didn’t deserve to be hurt and that I had been taken for granted. When I was irrational, he let me rant. We loved joking around and making each other laugh. Over time we became best friends and I learned to trust him implicitly. He wasn’t perfect (I mean who is?)…but he was someone I knew I could rely on and trust. He understood me and my ways and knew that most people didn’t understand me because I kept a certain side of me concealed from the world. I liked that he knew that about me.

One day, things seemed odd. They had been going in a weird direction for awhile but I made excuses for his behavior. He’s stressed; I’m tired and making things out to be different than they are. We’re both busy. But I noticed I didn’t seem so important to him and I missed him. He blamed work for his lack of attention. I believed him. Then a series of events happened that made me think he was being less than truthful with me. Then, I did the unspeakable. I went through his shit because I had to know what was going on and have my mind set at ease… or so I thought. But in going through his shit I found a boatload of communication with another woman. Message after message after message to her. It was as if I was punched in the stomach and run over by a bus all at the same time. How could my suspicions have been right? How could he have betrayed me in the one way that I never thought he would? How could he have lied to me? How could he have thought our relationship was so much less than I thought it was?

And when he found out I had gone through his stuff and uncovered his secret, instead of coming back to me to ask for forgiveness, he asked me what I was doing. I asked what? And he said, “Going through my stuff…how could you?” Imagine my shock

Sound familiar?

That was November 2005. The mail is how I found out about Michael’s 250 text messages in less than 3 days to the woman he was having an affair with. It took him over a week to finally confess to his infidelity. It took me 6+ years to forgive him.

Now do you understand? I’m not mad. I’m hurt…I’m hurt all over again. I’m so hurt; I’m afraid I’ll never learn to trust another man again. And for that, I can’t talk to you right now.

His reply was that since we weren't lovers or married, I shouldn't be so upset.  Then I guess he read the letter over again and realized that his lies and deception were what caused the hurt .  And the way he behaved of course would bring back the hurt I experienced at the end of my marriage.  It is a very sad day.

As sad as it was, I was blessed several times over by friends who were concerned about me.  I am truly blessed to have such an amazing support system. And, for those friends to validate my feelings.  Tell me that it was okay for me to feel hurt.   I can't imagine what my life would be like without my friends. As much as I can be sad in other ways, I must give thanks for the Lord has blessed me many times over in that arena!