I had a date last night.  I wasn't sure if it was one...a friend that I am attracted to - the feeling is mutual.  But he just got out of a long, unhealthy relationship and neither of us want me to be the "rebound girl".   We discussed this last week.  We had a nice dinner and conversation.  He is very sweet - but perhaps a little to straight laced for me.   He has a daughter, who I've met and is quite cute.  She is about 8 or 10.  Can't remember.  Any way, I know he is skittish about getting involved with someone and i'm not sure it is something I want to do, either.  He kisssed me when we parted - so it was then that I figured out, yup it was a date.

I came home after the date and was supposed to go out to Redneck Town but couldn't get up the energy to do so.  I wish I had (would have had a sleep over) as I woke up sad and lonely this morning.  MKP and I would have coffee on the deck and enjoy the morning on days off.  I so miss that.  I know he isn't who I thought he was and be I miss that imaginary person with every ounce of my being.   Although we can never be together again, everything I am is wishing he misses and aches for me in the same way.  It isn't that I want him to hurt, I just want him to want me and what I thought we had.  How wrong is that?