Update on YM

So during the quiet times, you can presume YM and I are doing well. But now, things are a bit different. He seems to be doing less and less as time goes by - less effort, less emails, less compliments, less little presents and notes. I’m not sure if it’s because he is comfortable with me and doesn’t feel he needs to win me over. Or, he’s becoming less enchanted with our relationship. Either way, I’m not thrilled with the way things are going.

Maybe I’m selfish and want to be lavished with attention. I think I give a lot back, though. So, it’s not really selfish. It's just I want someone to seem excited to see me, talk to me and want to spend time together. Maybe it's our personalites, but I really think it is the age thing finally coming to play. After the pursuit of my heart, he decided to slip into the normal pattern to be expected of a 25 year old.

He no longer plans ahead to make time to be with me. I think he’d be happy with just hanging out once or twice a week. And, he likes to go visit his family every other weekend. That’s not what I want. I want a boyfriend who wants to spend time together. Who wants to look at our schedules, see what each of us has to get done and to plan a way to be together every couple of days.

When he asks me about the future, it is as if we are strangers. Not someone who wants to consider putting his life with me. To me that is what a committed, long term relationship is. He pushed so hard to get me to commit to him and I’m starting to think it wasn’t for the same reasons I had in mind.

He hasn’t told his folks about me. That shows me he has a lack of commitment toward me. He wants to keep me hidden (until the relationship is over?). There is a definite lack of intention on his part. I want someone who will introduce me to their family and friends. I want someone who after four months is thinking about integrating our lives together. Not someone who keeps me separate from everyone else.

He outright told me he doesn’t want to live with someone and he doesn’t see himself getting married for 5-10 years. I don’t want a live away boyfriend for the next 5 years. Hell, I don’t want that for the next 2 years.

He doesn’t say “I love you” first any more. He doesn’t ask to undress me the rare times he sleeps over. He sometimes ends conversations for no apparent reason. He recently told me that conversations with me were too exhausting. I thought he liked to talk about intellectual things. It was one of the things that made me like him. After we were apart, he used to come back with things he had thought about. He doesn’t think about me when we are apart any more.

So, with all this, I’m pretty sure that I was right a couple of months ago. It’s funny how that works. He liked the chase. And, he was quite good at it. But, he doesn’t know how to keep someone interested in him. Either that, or he lost interest in me and is just along for the ride. Either way, I want more than he’s giving me right now. I’m not sure how to get it, either. So I’ll fill my life with other things and see how this feels. I’m pretty sure, it will not be acceptable in the long run. It’s really sad. But what I get for being silly enough to date someone that much younger than me.