Rough

Today started out rough. I know my faith is waning and there isn't much I can do about it. It's hard for me to believe in a higher being when I feel so sad and lonely - wanting so desparately to find my soul mate. I know I'm not meant to understand the divine plan but it seems like the waiting has gone on so long. I know I am blessed, for I am not a child of Haiti, Santa Rosa in the Domincan Republic, where the basics of life are hard to come by... food, shelter, water. Nor am I a child of Iran, Iraq or other parts of the world where women are not considered equal with men. I know I have freedom and privelege beyond many others. And, I should be grateful, which makes my suffering seem ridiculous and shallow. But, I am sad and lonely and do miss having a constant in my life. So, I lose faith that our God is good, that He cares for us and has a plan for us, that His Will can and will be done. And, when this lack of faith rears its ugly head in my inability to worship at Sunday morning service, its a rough morning.

Luckily the day got better. My friend had a party - just a party where they are selling stuff. But it was nice because there were a good many of my friends from church there. It helped uplift my spirits and made me forget my lonliness for a couple of hours.

So now, as bed time approaches, I feel a little better about my waning faith. I hope it is just temporary. And, I'll try to pray for others tonight. There are so many hurting people in my world. It'd be nice for things to get better for them.