Silver Lining

So I decided to go to the soccer game with YBBK. It was a lousy day at work and I wasn’t really up for the drive. But, I went any way. Mostly because I told him I’d go. It is important to me to follow through and do things I commit to. I feel this is an indication of character. After the visit, I called my friend Xavier (X) to tell him about the visit. I needed a good friend, who I could trust, to talk to about it.
Any way, it was crappy rain, crappy traffic and crappy parking…as I expected. I hate the capital city! When I got there, I told YBBK that I almost didn’t go. His reply was, “I’m glad you came because other wise I’d have been here alone.” What? I said to X, “I can’t believe he said that. I guess I know where I stand…just better than being alone!” X said, “Well he probably didn’t realize he said it but it is probably true.” I couldn’t agree more.

Then, YBBK spent a good portion of dinner talking about GF. He told me he logically knew it was a bad relationship but he couldn’t help but want to be with her. They had such a good time together. It just stunned me. Really, while you were out with her, having her deceive you or listening to her lie to people and basically turning you into a liar and a co-cheater, you were having a good time. Really, she tarnishes your character and you see that as a good time? You want that in life? No, I didn’t say those things to him but couldn’t believe he didn't see that. It turned my stomach. I told X these things and he replied, “Well, obviously he doesn’t have a problem with liars and cheats.” I laughed because YBBK talked about my deception to him as why he broke it off with me. Of course, I now know that wasn’t the real reason. He just didn’t really care all that much for me. I was just better than being alone.

I listened to YBBK because I knew he needed someone to listen. But, it wasn’t easy for me. I told X that and he said, “We’ve all been there. Used or been used by someone for comfort without really caring how much the other person is being hurt.” My “uh huh,” was followed by X saying, “It doesn’t make it right or any easier to take.”   But he is right; it is the truth.

The soccer game was fun. It was exciting. The rain wasn’t terrible and it was warm out. After wards, I took YBBK to his car. Actually, I had him drive my car there. I thought he knew how absolutely terrified I was to drive in the Capital City. I’m sure I’ve told him numerous times. But, he seemed to have forgotten that. As I dropped him off, he gave me vague directions on how to leave the city. I was terrified. I'm convinced he didn't care enough to see the fear. He was nice enough to ensure I turned on my GPS but then just sent me on my way. I got a little turned around as I left, I knew I would, and was pretty much hysterical by the time I got on the highway. Okay, so even if YBBK had confidence in me to leave the city, he had to know I was unsure.  Yet, did  I ever hear back from him…a call/ a text to check on me…anything? No!! X said he thought it was a bit inconsiderate, too. He told me a story about a similar thing that happened to him.  It always makes me feel better to know I'm not the only person on the planet who is so sensitve.

When I finally found the highway, I called X. He talked me down. We talked for 2-1/2 hours. The first ½ hour was me whining about the night and how I felt used and hurt. X just listened and validated my feelings. I told him my expectation that YBBK will probably go back to dating GF, keep it hidden from me and then eventually get burnt by her - Scorpions don't change their nature.  I told X that I was sad. Sad for YBBK and sad for me for letting myself get wrapped up with someone who doesn’t seem to care about me. It is a hard lesson to learn.

X and I spent the rest of the time chatting about everything else under the sun -work, friends, families, our past, etc. I don’t think X is my next great love. I’m not his type. He likes tall, skinny, very good looking women…none of which would describe me! But, I do love that I have a friend I can call and can depend on. I was there for him a few weeks ago and just the night before last - where we talked for two hours about his work issues. Well that night we talked about ½ hour about work and 1-1/2 hours about other stuff.

But, when he answered the call and said he was watching baseball, I expected him to take the opt out I gave him when I said, “Oh, well I don’t want to interrupt you watching the game.”  He must have recognized the tone in my voice (and maybe realized this was the first time I ever called him) and said, “I’m glad you called. What’s up?” 

So, while I had a very crappy time discovering disappointing things about YBBK’s character…X is my silver lining. Nice to know I have a friend I can rely on.