So I said I'd tell you about X. As it turns out several months ago, when I was dating MKP, a couple of the girls made a comment to X. MKP and I were at a party along with X. X and I were having our usual banter back and forth. The girls noticed that MKP seemed uncomfortable and said something to X. X ended up avoiding me for the rest of the party. He also withdrew from our friendship. I may or may not have noticed it. I can't say. All I know is that trivia started to not be as much fun for me. I started to avoid weeks when X was there (he can only go every other week). And, we drew further and further apart.
Last Monday, I was feeling particularly touchy about the way X continuously picked on me along with the Preacher. Then I got called out on supposedly being mean to someone else. So I decided to quit trivia. I texted the preacher and she seemed fine with it. Then, I texted X. He was a bit concerned. He ended up calling me about it. We chatted for a pretty long time. We came to the conclusion that we totally missed each other. I told him I thought I had lost my friend and he told me he felt like he was waiting for his friend to return. It felt good to understand what was going on between us.
I noticed there are times when I just get upset with people but can't put my finger on what is agitating me. I guess I felt the withdrawal from X and then just felt hurt by it. And, instead of taking time to understand the hurt and talk about it, I pulled away from him. He never told me he was pulling away because I was dating someone and when he noticed me pulling away, he pulled away more. Quite the vicious circle.
I told him he never had to pull away from me for the sake of a BF again. That if I'm dating someone and they have an issue with his and my friendship, it is their issue, not his. That I would resolve it. That he didn't need to listen to other people. But if he did get to the point where he felt he needed to withdraw to please talk to me about it. I don't ever want to have our friendship take a hiatus like that again.
Good news is I think Cabana boy has no issues with my male friends and tendency to flirt. I was flirting a lot at the old west party and he never said anything or seemed upset by it. And, last night, we were talking about the QB for the 49'ers and how he is my secret BF....so secret even he doesn't know. When he came on for an interview, Cabana boy turned up the volume and let me watch. Although, I told him over and over again to mute it. That Colin sounded dumber and dumber by the minute and I was going to have to break up with him before he even found out he was my BF. Cabana boy just laughed.
I won't understand him but at least he seems okay with my flirtatious nature!!!
Showing posts with label X. Show all posts
Showing posts with label X. Show all posts
Monday, January 28, 2013
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
It is what it is
I’m supposed to be doing work…but can’t focus. I have spring fever. Only one week until the official first day of spring but the weather outside is delightful! It is a beautiful, warm sunshiny day! I took two cars for test drives. I was looking at buying an Acura but they just don’t fit me like the Civics do. So, I'll stick with the tried and true. Although this time, I’m thinking of going the used car route. My Civic has over 225k on it – so I know that they will last that long. Might as well spend half the money and still have a car that will last a good 8-9 years.
I gave up dating men (again) and it doesn’t seem to be going too well. As soon as I claimed I had given up dating, I met a musician. He used to work at my company doing multimedia stuff. He’s a few years older than me, but still in great shape (no expanding waistline that seems to accompany over ½ the mid-life men). Musician has a part time “day” job and plays piano and sings in the evenings. I was too busy this past week to get together with him. I might get together with him next week.
I’ve been hanging out with X, the Preacher and the Teacher. Saturday night was the Teacher’s birthday. I met her boyfriend, the Terrorist. We shouldn’t joke about his nickname – since he is probably on a “watch list” due to his ethnicity. He is one of the coolest guys I've ever met, though. Great sense of humor, generous, smart and most importantly, he is madly in love with the Teacher. Yay for them! Any way, it was an interesting evening. Blackie and the frail Blondie were both there…two of the girls that X flirts with. This past week Blackie outwardly asked him to be Friends with Benefits. X turned her down. Or so that is what the Preacher told me. I do believe he did - because Saturday night he danced with me the whole night. He spent some time with Blondie, but pulled me out to dance with him the whole time. Then, when he asked folks back to spend the night at his house and Blackie said yes, he convinced me to go too. I took the downstairs couch…I had early morning plans on Sunday and wanted to leave without disturbing anyone. Blackie took the air matress in X's son's room; Blondie took X's king size bed. X slept on the floor in the living room next to me. I offered up the couch and said I’d take the love seat but he declined. He gave me hell for “sneaking out” without saying goodbye. I told him, “I said good bye; I rubbed your cheek, kissed your forehead and then a gave a quick rub of the private parts as I covered you with the blanket.” He believed me for a second.
Monday, after trivia, X and Preacher asked me to hang out with them. It was midnight and I should have went home. X and Preacher are insomniacs. Preacher had drank coffee and knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep. They peer pressured me into staying out with them. LOL. We went back to X’s house and drank til after 4 a.m. I am too old for that crap! Especially since I’m not an insomniac! I laid down on the couch around 4 a.m. – X and Preacher were still up. When she left, he brought me upstairs to sleep with him. When I got up to leave in the morning, he told me to stay. What is it about insomniacs where they can finally sleep in the morning?? I climbed back into bed to say good bye and he pulled me down next to him. He wrapped his arms around me to keep me from leaving. His arms are so nice – soft, strong, and cut perfectly. I could have laid in his arms for hours…except…1. I had to go to work and 2. I know better. Actually if 2 didn’t exist, I would have ignored one. X is still hung up on his ex. And, I will not go there again – EVER! I will never give my heart (and body) to a man who isn’t completely ready for a new love. As much as I would have loved to have fallen back to sleep in his arms, woke up next to him and spent the few hours exploring his body, I know it is the wrong thing to do. I also know, the only reason he pulled me to dance with him and had me in his bed is he knows I know these things about him and he knows I won’t misconstrue his action and intentions. Yes, it is f-ed up! But, alas, it is what it is!
I gave up dating men (again) and it doesn’t seem to be going too well. As soon as I claimed I had given up dating, I met a musician. He used to work at my company doing multimedia stuff. He’s a few years older than me, but still in great shape (no expanding waistline that seems to accompany over ½ the mid-life men). Musician has a part time “day” job and plays piano and sings in the evenings. I was too busy this past week to get together with him. I might get together with him next week.
I’ve been hanging out with X, the Preacher and the Teacher. Saturday night was the Teacher’s birthday. I met her boyfriend, the Terrorist. We shouldn’t joke about his nickname – since he is probably on a “watch list” due to his ethnicity. He is one of the coolest guys I've ever met, though. Great sense of humor, generous, smart and most importantly, he is madly in love with the Teacher. Yay for them! Any way, it was an interesting evening. Blackie and the frail Blondie were both there…two of the girls that X flirts with. This past week Blackie outwardly asked him to be Friends with Benefits. X turned her down. Or so that is what the Preacher told me. I do believe he did - because Saturday night he danced with me the whole night. He spent some time with Blondie, but pulled me out to dance with him the whole time. Then, when he asked folks back to spend the night at his house and Blackie said yes, he convinced me to go too. I took the downstairs couch…I had early morning plans on Sunday and wanted to leave without disturbing anyone. Blackie took the air matress in X's son's room; Blondie took X's king size bed. X slept on the floor in the living room next to me. I offered up the couch and said I’d take the love seat but he declined. He gave me hell for “sneaking out” without saying goodbye. I told him, “I said good bye; I rubbed your cheek, kissed your forehead and then a gave a quick rub of the private parts as I covered you with the blanket.” He believed me for a second.
Monday, after trivia, X and Preacher asked me to hang out with them. It was midnight and I should have went home. X and Preacher are insomniacs. Preacher had drank coffee and knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep. They peer pressured me into staying out with them. LOL. We went back to X’s house and drank til after 4 a.m. I am too old for that crap! Especially since I’m not an insomniac! I laid down on the couch around 4 a.m. – X and Preacher were still up. When she left, he brought me upstairs to sleep with him. When I got up to leave in the morning, he told me to stay. What is it about insomniacs where they can finally sleep in the morning?? I climbed back into bed to say good bye and he pulled me down next to him. He wrapped his arms around me to keep me from leaving. His arms are so nice – soft, strong, and cut perfectly. I could have laid in his arms for hours…except…1. I had to go to work and 2. I know better. Actually if 2 didn’t exist, I would have ignored one. X is still hung up on his ex. And, I will not go there again – EVER! I will never give my heart (and body) to a man who isn’t completely ready for a new love. As much as I would have loved to have fallen back to sleep in his arms, woke up next to him and spent the few hours exploring his body, I know it is the wrong thing to do. I also know, the only reason he pulled me to dance with him and had me in his bed is he knows I know these things about him and he knows I won’t misconstrue his action and intentions. Yes, it is f-ed up! But, alas, it is what it is!
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Ghosts of relationships past
Saturday night was an interesting one. Besides being asked about Firsty by half of my gfs, a three of my favorite ghosts of past were there.
First was PG. He shows up in line behind me and says my name. I hug him and then realize he is with a girl. I quickly pull away and turn back around. She says my name and I realize it is one of my new friends…Spunky. She is a little pip who’s cute and funny and maybe even smart – haven’t figured out that last part yet but I think she is brighter than the average female in the Sailing town social group. Any way, I realize it is her and feel bad for snubbing her. She is all excited she is on a date with PG. Later in the evening, he is ignoring her and talking to all the other women. He does seem to fashion himself quite the ladies man…maybe not but he does like talking to all the other women and she is upset. I don’t blame her for feeling snubbed but instead of just having a good time without him, she gets upset. Now, it was her idea to go to the venue in the first place but I think she expected since he decided to take her, he was going to pay attention to her. It reminded me of why I got exasperated with hanging out with him. So sweet and attentive when he wants to be but easily distracted by a pretty face. Any way, I still like PG as a person and wish him the best. I adore Spunky and hope it works out the best for both of them. But, it was confirming to see that he is the way he is and it wasn’t something wrong with me that made him act that way when we hung out.
Second was Mainer. I ignored him. X ignored him (for the most part). If Preacher and Sparkle were there, they’d have ignored him. I have no desire to interact with him. I have no desire to have him any where in my life. I don’t wish him harm and am glad to see he is working things out with his girl. But I don’t want anything to do with him. I actually instinctively protected him or maybe it was X. But at one point, X looks at Mainer and says, “You ready?! Let’s go Mainer!” I jumped in front of X, put my hands on his (oh so lovely) chest and said, “No.” He said part to me and part to Mainer, “I think it’s time.” He must have saw the panic in my face because X looked down, smiled and said, “Don’t worry.” X is tall, lean and athletic; Mainer is not. X is capable of fighting. I could kick Mainer’s butt with one hand tied behind my back. X wouldn’t ever do anything to him. But, it totally freaked me out – at the time. It’s funny now. X was just joking. I never did look at Mainer’s face to see what he thought.
Third was YBBK. I don’t get him. One minute he acts like he wants to be friends and the next minute he takes this fake condescending tone with me. As if our relationship is completely strained. I don’t understand why he acts and speaks like that. I can’t even describe it. But it is the way he says hello… like he has to. Not like he is actually glad to see me. I guess that does describe it. Granted I don’t want to open myself up to him and be hurt by the way he has treated me in the past, but I wouldn’t mind being friendly toward him. But he acts like he only says hi to save face. It makes it so hard to be around him. I do enjoy his company when he isn’t putting on an act. I just don’t understand why he feels the need to act that way.
Any way, besides all that, I had a lovely time Saturday night. Dancing like a fool. X was his usual flirtatious self with me and about 4 other women. I do adore him. He’s smart and cute and quite the dancer. And, he is protective and caring toward me. But, I don’t think he is ready to settle down and I don’t want to play games. So we just love on each other as friends and both seem quite happy about it. Although, when I asked him the good food or good sex question, X said, "I don't really care about eating that much." He is so freaking cute. Timing is everything…sigh.
First was PG. He shows up in line behind me and says my name. I hug him and then realize he is with a girl. I quickly pull away and turn back around. She says my name and I realize it is one of my new friends…Spunky. She is a little pip who’s cute and funny and maybe even smart – haven’t figured out that last part yet but I think she is brighter than the average female in the Sailing town social group. Any way, I realize it is her and feel bad for snubbing her. She is all excited she is on a date with PG. Later in the evening, he is ignoring her and talking to all the other women. He does seem to fashion himself quite the ladies man…maybe not but he does like talking to all the other women and she is upset. I don’t blame her for feeling snubbed but instead of just having a good time without him, she gets upset. Now, it was her idea to go to the venue in the first place but I think she expected since he decided to take her, he was going to pay attention to her. It reminded me of why I got exasperated with hanging out with him. So sweet and attentive when he wants to be but easily distracted by a pretty face. Any way, I still like PG as a person and wish him the best. I adore Spunky and hope it works out the best for both of them. But, it was confirming to see that he is the way he is and it wasn’t something wrong with me that made him act that way when we hung out.
Second was Mainer. I ignored him. X ignored him (for the most part). If Preacher and Sparkle were there, they’d have ignored him. I have no desire to interact with him. I have no desire to have him any where in my life. I don’t wish him harm and am glad to see he is working things out with his girl. But I don’t want anything to do with him. I actually instinctively protected him or maybe it was X. But at one point, X looks at Mainer and says, “You ready?! Let’s go Mainer!” I jumped in front of X, put my hands on his (oh so lovely) chest and said, “No.” He said part to me and part to Mainer, “I think it’s time.” He must have saw the panic in my face because X looked down, smiled and said, “Don’t worry.” X is tall, lean and athletic; Mainer is not. X is capable of fighting. I could kick Mainer’s butt with one hand tied behind my back. X wouldn’t ever do anything to him. But, it totally freaked me out – at the time. It’s funny now. X was just joking. I never did look at Mainer’s face to see what he thought.
Third was YBBK. I don’t get him. One minute he acts like he wants to be friends and the next minute he takes this fake condescending tone with me. As if our relationship is completely strained. I don’t understand why he acts and speaks like that. I can’t even describe it. But it is the way he says hello… like he has to. Not like he is actually glad to see me. I guess that does describe it. Granted I don’t want to open myself up to him and be hurt by the way he has treated me in the past, but I wouldn’t mind being friendly toward him. But he acts like he only says hi to save face. It makes it so hard to be around him. I do enjoy his company when he isn’t putting on an act. I just don’t understand why he feels the need to act that way.
Any way, besides all that, I had a lovely time Saturday night. Dancing like a fool. X was his usual flirtatious self with me and about 4 other women. I do adore him. He’s smart and cute and quite the dancer. And, he is protective and caring toward me. But, I don’t think he is ready to settle down and I don’t want to play games. So we just love on each other as friends and both seem quite happy about it. Although, when I asked him the good food or good sex question, X said, "I don't really care about eating that much." He is so freaking cute. Timing is everything…sigh.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Lonely Sinking Feeling
So this weekend I got a lot of questions about Firsty. It made me reflect on the relationship, a lot. Then, on the drive to trivia, I heard a song that made me wonder. And I thought I did it all over again. Did I let my insecurities destroy something that was good? Part of me thinks that is what happened.
She says, "I'm getting that lonely sinking feeling,
You know what I mean?"
With his hand on her back he's thinking,
"Where does that leave me?"
Just when I think I've uncovered the secret
To peace and tranquility
That lonely sinking feeling creeps up on me
He says, "I'm seeing those doubt filled
Questioning eyes
And I can't believe it's true"
With her head in her hands she sighs,
"It's me, not you"
Just when I thought that I'd discovered the joy
Of loving one so completely
That lonely sinking feeling creeps up on me
Here in this silent room we wait on ancient ritual
Staring at our hearts
As if they were two caged animals
If I am the first to unlock those rusty doors
Will I be the first found bleeding on the floor?
She says, "I'm getting that lonely sinking feeling,
You know what I mean?"
With his hand on her back he's thinking,
"Where does that leave me?"
But after spending the last few hours with everyone at trivia, I realized it wasn’t. I hurt my wrist playing volleyball. I didn’t mention it to anyone but X noticed. He saw that I was putting it up against my glass and asked the waitress for a bag of ice for me. Then, when she forgot it, he asked again. Even after Firsty noticed it was hurt, he made no effort to help remedy the situation. One could argue that Firsty and I were no long an item, so he didn’t need to ask. But, X and I aren’t an item, either. He just stood up for me and took care of me. Sparkles would do the same. It is what I need from a man. So, while I think I tend to sabotage my relationships, I also think in this situation Firsty was definitely not the one for me.
She says, "I'm getting that lonely sinking feeling,
You know what I mean?"
With his hand on her back he's thinking,
"Where does that leave me?"
Just when I think I've uncovered the secret
To peace and tranquility
That lonely sinking feeling creeps up on me
He says, "I'm seeing those doubt filled
Questioning eyes
And I can't believe it's true"
With her head in her hands she sighs,
"It's me, not you"
Just when I thought that I'd discovered the joy
Of loving one so completely
That lonely sinking feeling creeps up on me
Here in this silent room we wait on ancient ritual
Staring at our hearts
As if they were two caged animals
If I am the first to unlock those rusty doors
Will I be the first found bleeding on the floor?
She says, "I'm getting that lonely sinking feeling,
You know what I mean?"
With his hand on her back he's thinking,
"Where does that leave me?"
But after spending the last few hours with everyone at trivia, I realized it wasn’t. I hurt my wrist playing volleyball. I didn’t mention it to anyone but X noticed. He saw that I was putting it up against my glass and asked the waitress for a bag of ice for me. Then, when she forgot it, he asked again. Even after Firsty noticed it was hurt, he made no effort to help remedy the situation. One could argue that Firsty and I were no long an item, so he didn’t need to ask. But, X and I aren’t an item, either. He just stood up for me and took care of me. Sparkles would do the same. It is what I need from a man. So, while I think I tend to sabotage my relationships, I also think in this situation Firsty was definitely not the one for me.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Betrayed
I've been betrayed, yet again. I wish I could say that I am absolutely shocked this time but I'm not the least bit surprised. I'm not sure how I attract such people to me, but I need to understand it and do a better job of not letting this happen in the future.
I've written about Mainer before. He and I hung out quite a bit. I was there for him before he met his last girlfriend. Then when he got together with her, he ignored me (and all his friends). When she dumped him, he came crying back to me. Of course, I welcomed him and consoled him. I spent many hours listening to him complain about all the injustices she had done to him. I was there for him. I invited him out to play with my trivia team to give him something to do. I always answered his calls and texts. Then he started dating his current girlfriend and he disappeared again. No surprise there. But what he did to the trivia team - a group of people who welcomed him with open arms and were there for him made me realize what a selfish douchebag he really is. I knew he was self absorbed but still gave him a shoulder to cry on. But I never thought he'd treat the team the way he did and then justify his behavior. I feel like a big jerk for caring for him and an even bigger one for introducing him to the team. Most of the members have let it slide off their back. X is pissed off. Like me, he is a competitor and has a sense of "team" from a sports point of view. He believes you shouldn't treat your teammates in such a way. And, he has a sense of loyalty toward his friends and thinks you shouldn't treat your friends that way. He and I have talked for hours about it. He is just as hurt as I am. I know the Spiritual Adviser (aka Preacher) is right when she says, "It is for the best. And, the drama that we didn't need is now gone." But I still can't help but feel hurt and betrayed. Mainer is no friend of mine. I will no longer give him the time of day. He is DTM.
I've written about Mainer before. He and I hung out quite a bit. I was there for him before he met his last girlfriend. Then when he got together with her, he ignored me (and all his friends). When she dumped him, he came crying back to me. Of course, I welcomed him and consoled him. I spent many hours listening to him complain about all the injustices she had done to him. I was there for him. I invited him out to play with my trivia team to give him something to do. I always answered his calls and texts. Then he started dating his current girlfriend and he disappeared again. No surprise there. But what he did to the trivia team - a group of people who welcomed him with open arms and were there for him made me realize what a selfish douchebag he really is. I knew he was self absorbed but still gave him a shoulder to cry on. But I never thought he'd treat the team the way he did and then justify his behavior. I feel like a big jerk for caring for him and an even bigger one for introducing him to the team. Most of the members have let it slide off their back. X is pissed off. Like me, he is a competitor and has a sense of "team" from a sports point of view. He believes you shouldn't treat your teammates in such a way. And, he has a sense of loyalty toward his friends and thinks you shouldn't treat your friends that way. He and I have talked for hours about it. He is just as hurt as I am. I know the Spiritual Adviser (aka Preacher) is right when she says, "It is for the best. And, the drama that we didn't need is now gone." But I still can't help but feel hurt and betrayed. Mainer is no friend of mine. I will no longer give him the time of day. He is DTM.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Wiped Out!
I am officially wiped out and totally not ready to go back to work tomorrow. I got most of the "stuff" off the list completed. But, the really important stuff...to me, to nourish my soul, still is left undone. I wanted to write..write all about my journey and the discoveries I have made along the day. I wanted to download and print the pictures. I wanted to spend hours on my motorcycle (did take a quick spin to make sure she was running okay). I wanted to clear everything inside me before I let the guys back in, but I let responsibilities(laundry, cooking T-day, cleaning, yardwork) get in the way.
I did, however, spend time with those I love and missed during my trip. I went to trivia on Monday and had a most wonderful time. I love my team and will always be sure to make time for it. X actually called and asked me to have dinner with him prior to trivia, so I blew off Mainer, who wanted to ride out and back together and went to dinner with X. We had a fun time. I still don't and probably never will trust him though. He will always only be a friend. Of course, during the game, the whole team had a blast. We all get along so well. X actually got funny about Firsty during the game. Making remarks about how "close" we were acting. He even texted me later, telling me he was going to ask me to hang out after the game but I seemed awful comfy with Firsty. Whatever. Sounds jealous to me. LOL.
Tuesday I went to dinner with Apricot. She and I get along great. She's gone through some rough times...not that she didn't bring it on herself. When you let someone deceive you, they will. But she is a beautiful, smart and wonderful person to be around. So I love spending time with her. She made a comment about how YBBK would tell me what I wanted to hear. It really wasn't directed at him but her ex and the type of guy they both are (my observation, not hers). The type of guy who doesn't want you, will use you, yet won't let you go. He will continue to say what you want to hear, just so he can keep you around. I'm not sure what the motivation is...whether it is ego or just a need to have someone like us (she or I) around. Any way, it was yet another eye opener for me. Over the course of the weekend, I've realized a few things about YBBK. I'm pretty sure he has never loved me. It was all about conquest and control for him. He acted a certain way that won me over. But it was never about me. It was about getting his ex back...showing her he could get a girlfriend and making her jealous. The minute it worked, he pushed me away. Then when he realized she was using him, he pulled me back. He knows what to say to endear me to him. He used me. I know this for sure because he is considering getting back with the girl who he knows has lied and deceived him. He claimed this was the issue between us...that I lied. But that is BS...because she didn't just lie once. She has lied to him and everyone around her over and over and over again. She quotes the bible to manipulate people. She is a deceiver's deceiver. He sees it but still wants to be with her. It is proof to me that he never cared for me and used that one incident as a BS line to break it off with me. He is a maniuplator of the worst kind and deserves the Blonde with all her lies. He hears what he wants to hear from her. Of course, Apricot didn't tell me any of this...it's been mulling around in my brain since Tuesday. I've re-read all his texts and have come to realize what a master manipulator he can be. If he truly cares for me, then he just must be an emotional trainwreck and I've unjustly judged him. But, I find that hard to believe. It has always been about him.
Any way, on Wednesday, I spent the day and evening with Firsty. He came over to make T-day dessert (cheesecake due to Boo's request) and hang out with me. It was actually perfect...he had asked if I wanted to hang out and it was the only day we both had free. When I told him I had to get the cheesecake made, instead of asking to do something after, he said, "you want me to come help?" He couldn't have had a more perfect response. We had a great time. He said he was going home at 9:30 p.m. but at 11:15 we were still talking. It is nice to have someone I can talk to like that. I trust him implicitly. He is the type of guy who will never lie to me. I can tell. Of course, in part, because he is such a nerd and a bit socially awkward. But mostly because he is the type that would never consider deception as an acceptable behavior. He is a good person. I think he likes me...actually Preacher told me she thought so too. I'm going to see him next week, too.
Thursday was wonderful. Just Boo, the puppers, the turkey and me! I let her invite Loser Boy over for dessert. I told her it was because it was Thanksgiving and I'm a Christian. He is maturing...but still not there. I will keep trying to forgive him and accept him, but still pray she'll get tired of him and find a boy who she can rely on. After dessert, BoyCrazy came over. Actually, she has been hot and bothered about the same guy for awhile now. We hung out, drank wine and chatted all night. She slept over and we went to the movies on Friday. I wouldn't have picked the movie but it was what she wanted to see. Funny, the Beautiful Blonde talks about BoyCrazy as being dominating and everything having to be her way. It is true about that. I can only tolerate her in small doses, but I did miss seeing her and wanted to spend some time with her.
Friday night, I made the haul out to Redneck town. I hung out with the Preacher and the Teacher. We had a wonderful time chatting, drinking, eating and just plain catching up. Preacher went to see the last ancient wonder of the world while I was in China. It was very cool to talk about our trips. She intelligent and an amazingly loving person. I like being around her.
Saturday I was exhausted. I did nothing. I should have went to see some more friends, but jet lag and chores (Friday afternoon I spent the entire time cleaning up leaves) must have left me a bit under the weather. I couldn't convince myself to go out. So, I slept, chilled and watched a few movies.
Today, I had JIT come over for breakfast. He is such a sweet guy. He is so sensitve and most people don't quite understand him. He's a bit naive, too. But I've always understood and cared about him. We hung out for few hours. Then, Arpricot came over to be sure her dog will get along with puppers. When she travels later this month, I told her she can leave him here. I think it will work out great.
I managed to get the battery changed in the lawn mower. I am such a pussy. I've put it off and put it off...aftraid I wouldn't be able to do it...afraid it would be too hard to take the screw out or I wouldn't know where to buy the battery. When I talked to Dad on T-day, he mentioned a car parts store. There is one less than a mile away. So, after raking up pine needles, I decided to undertake the task and in less than 45 minutes, i had finished. Silly girl! It was easy as pie (with the pillsbury pie crusts...not making one from scratch because that shit aint easy!). Any way, one more task that I don't need a man for! Yip Yoo!
I wish I had another day to spend on myself. Getting my head on straight and really understanding what I want before I start dealing with men. I've had texts from Irressistible Man since I left. He is back and town and wants to see me. And, there is Firsty. Oh, I haven't even mentioned CC, who took me to the airport, picked me up and did tea with on Wednesday...hmmmm...guess that tells me where he places in the BF applicant line. Oh yeah, have I mentioned the guy who used to work for me, who quit when I left for China (got a great offer elsewhere - totally don't blame him) but has kept in touch because he wants to meet me for drinks. Then there is GEH...he is always around. He has been texting all week worried about me and T-day without Mom. He misses his Mom and knows I'd feel the same way. He shocked me by offering hockey tickets for a boy I am buying Christmas gifts for. I had just asked him what to buy becuase his son is the same age. He is so sweet. I know he cares about me but the distance and such makes anything more impossible. I don't think he'll ever let go, unless I tell him too. Which, I'm sure I will have to do if I ever decide to date someone seriously. Any way, I'm not sure what I want and not sure I'm ready to deal with it. But, I did take November off and its time to consider the possibilities.
In other news. A good friend of mine, actually a couple broke up this weekend. I am friends with both the guy and girl. I was closer with the guy...always the way with me. But their break up is so very sad to me. I thought they were perfect for each other. This is so surprising. He seems angry and she seems hurt. I hate seeing that since it has been close to a year for them. I thought they were going to make it. Perhaps they still will. All I can do is love them through it.
Finally and most significantly...the thing that will torment me this week. Wednesday is Mom's birthday. She would have turned 70 this year. I miss her. Although, I finally went into one of "her boxes" to find her recipe box to get the cheesecake recipe (for Boo...I'd walk over coals for Boo). I happened to be talking to Po and asked her about a recipe. She reminded me that Mom had one and she would look it up when she got home. She had Mom's old recipe box and said Lil Sis had her "new one" (that Po had rewritten). I said, "No, I have it. I took it." So, I dug through the box and pulled out Mom's recipe box. I made the cheesecake (that turned out amazing btw!) and put the recipe box with mine. I will never comingle them...well, maybe someday...for Boo. Any way, I'm not sure the best way to deal with Wednesday. I don't want to be alone. My heart aches.
I did, however, spend time with those I love and missed during my trip. I went to trivia on Monday and had a most wonderful time. I love my team and will always be sure to make time for it. X actually called and asked me to have dinner with him prior to trivia, so I blew off Mainer, who wanted to ride out and back together and went to dinner with X. We had a fun time. I still don't and probably never will trust him though. He will always only be a friend. Of course, during the game, the whole team had a blast. We all get along so well. X actually got funny about Firsty during the game. Making remarks about how "close" we were acting. He even texted me later, telling me he was going to ask me to hang out after the game but I seemed awful comfy with Firsty. Whatever. Sounds jealous to me. LOL.
Tuesday I went to dinner with Apricot. She and I get along great. She's gone through some rough times...not that she didn't bring it on herself. When you let someone deceive you, they will. But she is a beautiful, smart and wonderful person to be around. So I love spending time with her. She made a comment about how YBBK would tell me what I wanted to hear. It really wasn't directed at him but her ex and the type of guy they both are (my observation, not hers). The type of guy who doesn't want you, will use you, yet won't let you go. He will continue to say what you want to hear, just so he can keep you around. I'm not sure what the motivation is...whether it is ego or just a need to have someone like us (she or I) around. Any way, it was yet another eye opener for me. Over the course of the weekend, I've realized a few things about YBBK. I'm pretty sure he has never loved me. It was all about conquest and control for him. He acted a certain way that won me over. But it was never about me. It was about getting his ex back...showing her he could get a girlfriend and making her jealous. The minute it worked, he pushed me away. Then when he realized she was using him, he pulled me back. He knows what to say to endear me to him. He used me. I know this for sure because he is considering getting back with the girl who he knows has lied and deceived him. He claimed this was the issue between us...that I lied. But that is BS...because she didn't just lie once. She has lied to him and everyone around her over and over and over again. She quotes the bible to manipulate people. She is a deceiver's deceiver. He sees it but still wants to be with her. It is proof to me that he never cared for me and used that one incident as a BS line to break it off with me. He is a maniuplator of the worst kind and deserves the Blonde with all her lies. He hears what he wants to hear from her. Of course, Apricot didn't tell me any of this...it's been mulling around in my brain since Tuesday. I've re-read all his texts and have come to realize what a master manipulator he can be. If he truly cares for me, then he just must be an emotional trainwreck and I've unjustly judged him. But, I find that hard to believe. It has always been about him.
Any way, on Wednesday, I spent the day and evening with Firsty. He came over to make T-day dessert (cheesecake due to Boo's request) and hang out with me. It was actually perfect...he had asked if I wanted to hang out and it was the only day we both had free. When I told him I had to get the cheesecake made, instead of asking to do something after, he said, "you want me to come help?" He couldn't have had a more perfect response. We had a great time. He said he was going home at 9:30 p.m. but at 11:15 we were still talking. It is nice to have someone I can talk to like that. I trust him implicitly. He is the type of guy who will never lie to me. I can tell. Of course, in part, because he is such a nerd and a bit socially awkward. But mostly because he is the type that would never consider deception as an acceptable behavior. He is a good person. I think he likes me...actually Preacher told me she thought so too. I'm going to see him next week, too.
Thursday was wonderful. Just Boo, the puppers, the turkey and me! I let her invite Loser Boy over for dessert. I told her it was because it was Thanksgiving and I'm a Christian. He is maturing...but still not there. I will keep trying to forgive him and accept him, but still pray she'll get tired of him and find a boy who she can rely on. After dessert, BoyCrazy came over. Actually, she has been hot and bothered about the same guy for awhile now. We hung out, drank wine and chatted all night. She slept over and we went to the movies on Friday. I wouldn't have picked the movie but it was what she wanted to see. Funny, the Beautiful Blonde talks about BoyCrazy as being dominating and everything having to be her way. It is true about that. I can only tolerate her in small doses, but I did miss seeing her and wanted to spend some time with her.
Friday night, I made the haul out to Redneck town. I hung out with the Preacher and the Teacher. We had a wonderful time chatting, drinking, eating and just plain catching up. Preacher went to see the last ancient wonder of the world while I was in China. It was very cool to talk about our trips. She intelligent and an amazingly loving person. I like being around her.
Saturday I was exhausted. I did nothing. I should have went to see some more friends, but jet lag and chores (Friday afternoon I spent the entire time cleaning up leaves) must have left me a bit under the weather. I couldn't convince myself to go out. So, I slept, chilled and watched a few movies.
Today, I had JIT come over for breakfast. He is such a sweet guy. He is so sensitve and most people don't quite understand him. He's a bit naive, too. But I've always understood and cared about him. We hung out for few hours. Then, Arpricot came over to be sure her dog will get along with puppers. When she travels later this month, I told her she can leave him here. I think it will work out great.
I managed to get the battery changed in the lawn mower. I am such a pussy. I've put it off and put it off...aftraid I wouldn't be able to do it...afraid it would be too hard to take the screw out or I wouldn't know where to buy the battery. When I talked to Dad on T-day, he mentioned a car parts store. There is one less than a mile away. So, after raking up pine needles, I decided to undertake the task and in less than 45 minutes, i had finished. Silly girl! It was easy as pie (with the pillsbury pie crusts...not making one from scratch because that shit aint easy!). Any way, one more task that I don't need a man for! Yip Yoo!
I wish I had another day to spend on myself. Getting my head on straight and really understanding what I want before I start dealing with men. I've had texts from Irressistible Man since I left. He is back and town and wants to see me. And, there is Firsty. Oh, I haven't even mentioned CC, who took me to the airport, picked me up and did tea with on Wednesday...hmmmm...guess that tells me where he places in the BF applicant line. Oh yeah, have I mentioned the guy who used to work for me, who quit when I left for China (got a great offer elsewhere - totally don't blame him) but has kept in touch because he wants to meet me for drinks. Then there is GEH...he is always around. He has been texting all week worried about me and T-day without Mom. He misses his Mom and knows I'd feel the same way. He shocked me by offering hockey tickets for a boy I am buying Christmas gifts for. I had just asked him what to buy becuase his son is the same age. He is so sweet. I know he cares about me but the distance and such makes anything more impossible. I don't think he'll ever let go, unless I tell him too. Which, I'm sure I will have to do if I ever decide to date someone seriously. Any way, I'm not sure what I want and not sure I'm ready to deal with it. But, I did take November off and its time to consider the possibilities.
In other news. A good friend of mine, actually a couple broke up this weekend. I am friends with both the guy and girl. I was closer with the guy...always the way with me. But their break up is so very sad to me. I thought they were perfect for each other. This is so surprising. He seems angry and she seems hurt. I hate seeing that since it has been close to a year for them. I thought they were going to make it. Perhaps they still will. All I can do is love them through it.
Finally and most significantly...the thing that will torment me this week. Wednesday is Mom's birthday. She would have turned 70 this year. I miss her. Although, I finally went into one of "her boxes" to find her recipe box to get the cheesecake recipe (for Boo...I'd walk over coals for Boo). I happened to be talking to Po and asked her about a recipe. She reminded me that Mom had one and she would look it up when she got home. She had Mom's old recipe box and said Lil Sis had her "new one" (that Po had rewritten). I said, "No, I have it. I took it." So, I dug through the box and pulled out Mom's recipe box. I made the cheesecake (that turned out amazing btw!) and put the recipe box with mine. I will never comingle them...well, maybe someday...for Boo. Any way, I'm not sure the best way to deal with Wednesday. I don't want to be alone. My heart aches.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Sunny Sunday
I should be doing something...but I'm not. Only 5 days til I leave for 18 days and I'm lounging around like a teenager. Some days are just meant for lounging.
On Thursday, Amiga came over for a visit. It was a lovely one. We both needed a little healing. I know God is good all the time, but sometimes it feels like He is being extra good to me. This was one of those times. She and I have both been so stressed out over life. We just needed to sit around, commisserate and then just make each other feel better. It worked wonders. I forgot how strong we can make each other.
On Friday, I was ill most of the day. Damn weather changing messed with my sinuses. I drug my sorry butt to work and planned on not staying. But knew with the upcoming trip, I had to work. I got many files together and organized. I feel like I'm ahead of the schedule...since I normally procrastinate until the last minute! Then after work, I drug my sick butt shopping. I hate shopping anyway...so might as well do it when I feel miserable to start with! It worked. I got some very cute clothes. Sometimes I get so excited when I do good...I got 4 pairs of pants and three tops for $150. I rock. Friday night, I stayed in and nursed the sickness. Normally, I'd do the opposite. Skip working or being responsible to nurse myself and then go out playing. I was proud of myself for being good.
Saturday was a lousy day. Snow...yep snow in October! And then rain, then sleet, then snow. So my hike and soccer game were canceled. I spent the time cleaning, cooking (for party) and packing. Yep, got all my work outfits planned out and packed for the trip. I have to try on everything...make sure it matches and is in good shape. It is time consuming. But done! The rest of the packing will probably only take another hour. I am so staying on top of this! LOL...wait til Thursday night when I'm freaking out because I forgot x,y, and z!
The best part of the weekend was Saturday night. I was a bit anxious about the party. Oh the party... so I was supposed to go to Sailing Town with my friends that I love with all my heart. But X was all over me about heading out to a very cool party in Redneckville. I've heard from Mainer it is the best party of the year and several of my other friends would be there. So, I called the hostess of Sailing Town party and let her know I was going to bail. And, the costume that she had thought of for me, the Beautiful Blonde and her was now not going to happen. So this past week, I did the research and decided I could pull off being the "Reluctant Candidate"...no other than beauty queen turned politician. So before the party, I was a bit nervous. I was nervous about not knowing people at the party. I was afraid X would go off skirt chasing and I'd feel all alone, etc. I was afraid people wouldn't get the costume or I'd insult them with my beauty queen sash that read "almost Miss Alaska" then underneath "Governor of Alaska" then underneath "almost VP of US" and then "Reluctant candidate for President". I was afraid I'd insult people with the costume. I was worried about the weather. I was so anxious, I almost did the "safe" thing and went to Sailing Town. But Mainer callled and nagged me about going to Redneckville. And, I am sooo glad I did. I had a blast. I knew far more people than I thought. Everyone LOVED my costume (with the right glasses, I'm a dead ringer for the bimbo!) And, I met new people with ease. X and I danced half the night.
I'm not sure I understand the deal with X. He kinda ignored me when he got there - but it could be because I was talking to a girl (Eeoyre) who he had dated. She is on our team. It is a weird dynamic between them. But, he also showed up with another girl. They have been friends for awhile but not sure what else is there. At one point, after X and I had danced, she made comments to him that his make up was on my face. Then, seemed indignant as she told me "I did his make up, you know?!" I felt taken aback and told her it was just from dancing. He presses his face against every woman he dances with. He made a joke...we'll you should see her thighs. I think I blushed three shades of red. Any way, I walked away to let him handle her and ended up talking with a guy (Firsty) from the Team. He and I get along great. He went to college in NY, is about the same age, is a bit geeky but funny. Firsty doesn't like crowds so we were off in the corner chatting and giggling. Later, X asked me if I was going home with Firsty. I was completely taken aback. I couldn't believe he'd ask me such a thing. For one thing...I don't just randomly go home with guys! And, I didn't think X was interested in me. At that point in the night, he was getting a bit intoxicated...so I figure it was the alcohol speaking. Because later when most of the Team was standing around chatting, X was off with his hands all over some cute girl (not the one he showed up with). Then, at the very end, he was getting cozy with Eeorye. As I left, he asked me to find the girl he came with....but she had already left. I asked if he needed a ride home and he said no he had driven that is why I needed to find the girl he came with. He definitely needed some sobering up and I tried to get he and Eeorye to go somewhere for food (it was 2:30 am) but they were reluctant...so I left. By 3 a.m. my phone rang and X wanted to know where I went. What? I was almost home...he wanted me to "crash" at his place becuase it was a long drive. He said he meant to tell me that all night. What? Silly drunk boy.
Today, he called and apologized. We chatted for a bit. I think he is a bit messed up. He had a girl he was smitten with...we call it the one month relationship. Kinda like what happened with YBBK and I. Only she wasn't a core part of their group and only messed with his head for a month. Since then, he's been running around with whomever will have him. I'm assuming the girl he showed up with is one of them. I'm guessing this any way. Not really sure what he wants from me, but I don't trust him.
Interestingly enough, a few applicants for BF popped up this week - or so I think. All three are long stories. One is an old friend from CCC days, who popped back into my life at a random HH with the local group. We've been chatting because I knew he needed a friend (recently divorced). He asked me if I'd go out with him when I get back from China. Then, there is a guy I met a few months back. Amazingly sexy beyond belief and fun to talk to. Nothing much ever came of our hanging out but then last week, he asked if we could get together when I get back. Finally there is Blue Eyes. I've never been sure if he liked me...but it seems like perhaps he does. He is a very shy guy and as sweet as they come. I'm definitely not interested in him so I have to be careful if he actually really likes me. I never want to hurt him.
It is funny how my upcoming trip brought all these guys to action. What is up with that? Or maybe they saw that I am finally ready to move on? Could be. Any which way, I'm very glad I'm going 1/2 way around the world for a few weeks. The thoughts of men, relationships and sex will all be put on hold for awhile.
On Thursday, Amiga came over for a visit. It was a lovely one. We both needed a little healing. I know God is good all the time, but sometimes it feels like He is being extra good to me. This was one of those times. She and I have both been so stressed out over life. We just needed to sit around, commisserate and then just make each other feel better. It worked wonders. I forgot how strong we can make each other.
On Friday, I was ill most of the day. Damn weather changing messed with my sinuses. I drug my sorry butt to work and planned on not staying. But knew with the upcoming trip, I had to work. I got many files together and organized. I feel like I'm ahead of the schedule...since I normally procrastinate until the last minute! Then after work, I drug my sick butt shopping. I hate shopping anyway...so might as well do it when I feel miserable to start with! It worked. I got some very cute clothes. Sometimes I get so excited when I do good...I got 4 pairs of pants and three tops for $150. I rock. Friday night, I stayed in and nursed the sickness. Normally, I'd do the opposite. Skip working or being responsible to nurse myself and then go out playing. I was proud of myself for being good.
Saturday was a lousy day. Snow...yep snow in October! And then rain, then sleet, then snow. So my hike and soccer game were canceled. I spent the time cleaning, cooking (for party) and packing. Yep, got all my work outfits planned out and packed for the trip. I have to try on everything...make sure it matches and is in good shape. It is time consuming. But done! The rest of the packing will probably only take another hour. I am so staying on top of this! LOL...wait til Thursday night when I'm freaking out because I forgot x,y, and z!
The best part of the weekend was Saturday night. I was a bit anxious about the party. Oh the party... so I was supposed to go to Sailing Town with my friends that I love with all my heart. But X was all over me about heading out to a very cool party in Redneckville. I've heard from Mainer it is the best party of the year and several of my other friends would be there. So, I called the hostess of Sailing Town party and let her know I was going to bail. And, the costume that she had thought of for me, the Beautiful Blonde and her was now not going to happen. So this past week, I did the research and decided I could pull off being the "Reluctant Candidate"...no other than beauty queen turned politician. So before the party, I was a bit nervous. I was nervous about not knowing people at the party. I was afraid X would go off skirt chasing and I'd feel all alone, etc. I was afraid people wouldn't get the costume or I'd insult them with my beauty queen sash that read "almost Miss Alaska" then underneath "Governor of Alaska" then underneath "almost VP of US" and then "Reluctant candidate for President". I was afraid I'd insult people with the costume. I was worried about the weather. I was so anxious, I almost did the "safe" thing and went to Sailing Town. But Mainer callled and nagged me about going to Redneckville. And, I am sooo glad I did. I had a blast. I knew far more people than I thought. Everyone LOVED my costume (with the right glasses, I'm a dead ringer for the bimbo!) And, I met new people with ease. X and I danced half the night.
I'm not sure I understand the deal with X. He kinda ignored me when he got there - but it could be because I was talking to a girl (Eeoyre) who he had dated. She is on our team. It is a weird dynamic between them. But, he also showed up with another girl. They have been friends for awhile but not sure what else is there. At one point, after X and I had danced, she made comments to him that his make up was on my face. Then, seemed indignant as she told me "I did his make up, you know?!" I felt taken aback and told her it was just from dancing. He presses his face against every woman he dances with. He made a joke...we'll you should see her thighs. I think I blushed three shades of red. Any way, I walked away to let him handle her and ended up talking with a guy (Firsty) from the Team. He and I get along great. He went to college in NY, is about the same age, is a bit geeky but funny. Firsty doesn't like crowds so we were off in the corner chatting and giggling. Later, X asked me if I was going home with Firsty. I was completely taken aback. I couldn't believe he'd ask me such a thing. For one thing...I don't just randomly go home with guys! And, I didn't think X was interested in me. At that point in the night, he was getting a bit intoxicated...so I figure it was the alcohol speaking. Because later when most of the Team was standing around chatting, X was off with his hands all over some cute girl (not the one he showed up with). Then, at the very end, he was getting cozy with Eeorye. As I left, he asked me to find the girl he came with....but she had already left. I asked if he needed a ride home and he said no he had driven that is why I needed to find the girl he came with. He definitely needed some sobering up and I tried to get he and Eeorye to go somewhere for food (it was 2:30 am) but they were reluctant...so I left. By 3 a.m. my phone rang and X wanted to know where I went. What? I was almost home...he wanted me to "crash" at his place becuase it was a long drive. He said he meant to tell me that all night. What? Silly drunk boy.
Today, he called and apologized. We chatted for a bit. I think he is a bit messed up. He had a girl he was smitten with...we call it the one month relationship. Kinda like what happened with YBBK and I. Only she wasn't a core part of their group and only messed with his head for a month. Since then, he's been running around with whomever will have him. I'm assuming the girl he showed up with is one of them. I'm guessing this any way. Not really sure what he wants from me, but I don't trust him.
Interestingly enough, a few applicants for BF popped up this week - or so I think. All three are long stories. One is an old friend from CCC days, who popped back into my life at a random HH with the local group. We've been chatting because I knew he needed a friend (recently divorced). He asked me if I'd go out with him when I get back from China. Then, there is a guy I met a few months back. Amazingly sexy beyond belief and fun to talk to. Nothing much ever came of our hanging out but then last week, he asked if we could get together when I get back. Finally there is Blue Eyes. I've never been sure if he liked me...but it seems like perhaps he does. He is a very shy guy and as sweet as they come. I'm definitely not interested in him so I have to be careful if he actually really likes me. I never want to hurt him.
It is funny how my upcoming trip brought all these guys to action. What is up with that? Or maybe they saw that I am finally ready to move on? Could be. Any which way, I'm very glad I'm going 1/2 way around the world for a few weeks. The thoughts of men, relationships and sex will all be put on hold for awhile.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Moving right along
Friday night, I decided to go see a band I had heard rave reviews about. X asked me if I wanted to meet him for dinner and drinks ahead of time. So, I did. We went for sushi (which I haven’t had in forever). He let me pick everything out; although, I insisted he chose some pieces, too. I had a good time, as always. He is easy to talk to and we have a lot in common. It is interesting to get to know him. Then, we walked over to the bar where the band was playing. When I went in, it was apparent that I needed to leave my coat in the car. I was shocked when X said he’d walk me back to the car. I totally didn’t expect it. He then teased me about how cold he was “being a gentleman”. I kicked him a couple of times on the walk back to show him how adept I am at taking care of myself when walking to my car. We danced the entire time the band played. It was awesome. It is cute how much X loves music – to sing and dance. He loves women, too. He seemed to let his eyes wander up and down every woman on the dance floor. He flirts a lot, too. It didn’t bother me because I don’t see him as a potential boyfriend. I guess if I did think of him a potential BF before seeing his behavior with other women, I didn’t after that. He didn’t “hit” on anyone and it is nice that he wasn’t trying to be all sneaky about it. But still, I want a guy who sees me and only me. Unless I am hanging with someone that is a long time friend, I almost never “check out” other guys when out with friends. And, I definitely don’t do it when I’m with a boyfriend. I am not secure enough to handle someone doing that to me. But, any which way I look at it, it was a nice evening. The band was absolutely awesome. I will definitely go see them again. And, I’ll hang out with X again.
Saturday night I watched as Little Boy got married. I can’t really call him Little Boy…he was 17 when he started working for me, so he definitely seems like one still to me. I absolutely adore him and want the best for him. As the guys say, “he’s my favorite.” And, probably always will. I met his Mom and I understand why he is the way he is. She did a great job with him. During the wedding and reception, I cried… of course. It was a nice way to “ease” into going to weddings, too. I’ve been to a couple of family ones since my divorce but wasn’t sure I could handle one without my family there. I actually RSVP’d no to many others just because I didn’t want to think about weddings. But this one was different because Little Boy is one of my own and how could I skip it. It was a good night. I took Blue Eyes as my date. He is a good friend and is always respectful of me. I don’t think he considers me as more than a friend and I didn’t lead him on by taking him. I’m pretty sure any way. He’s a good man. But, a little too old, Jewish and a lack of chemistry all say don’t go near it. I don’t want to ruin the friendship or have anyone get hurt.
Sunday was work day. I gotta get ready for my Asia trip - too much stuff to do in a little amount of time. I just stopped writing to call Rudy for an appointment. No way I can be gone for 3 weeks with my hair looking like this!!! LOL. I still need to figure out a costume for Halloween. EEee gads. But, at least I got all the household chores done. Wish I could count on the girls to take care of stuff while I’m away. UGH! It’d be nice to have a man around in times like this. Oh and when I want to get laid…yeah, be nice to have one around then, too!
Saturday night I watched as Little Boy got married. I can’t really call him Little Boy…he was 17 when he started working for me, so he definitely seems like one still to me. I absolutely adore him and want the best for him. As the guys say, “he’s my favorite.” And, probably always will. I met his Mom and I understand why he is the way he is. She did a great job with him. During the wedding and reception, I cried… of course. It was a nice way to “ease” into going to weddings, too. I’ve been to a couple of family ones since my divorce but wasn’t sure I could handle one without my family there. I actually RSVP’d no to many others just because I didn’t want to think about weddings. But this one was different because Little Boy is one of my own and how could I skip it. It was a good night. I took Blue Eyes as my date. He is a good friend and is always respectful of me. I don’t think he considers me as more than a friend and I didn’t lead him on by taking him. I’m pretty sure any way. He’s a good man. But, a little too old, Jewish and a lack of chemistry all say don’t go near it. I don’t want to ruin the friendship or have anyone get hurt.
Sunday was work day. I gotta get ready for my Asia trip - too much stuff to do in a little amount of time. I just stopped writing to call Rudy for an appointment. No way I can be gone for 3 weeks with my hair looking like this!!! LOL. I still need to figure out a costume for Halloween. EEee gads. But, at least I got all the household chores done. Wish I could count on the girls to take care of stuff while I’m away. UGH! It’d be nice to have a man around in times like this. Oh and when I want to get laid…yeah, be nice to have one around then, too!
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Silver Lining
So I decided to go to the soccer game with YBBK. It was a lousy day at work and I wasn’t really up for the drive. But, I went any way. Mostly because I told him I’d go. It is important to me to follow through and do things I commit to. I feel this is an indication of character. After the visit, I called my friend Xavier (X) to tell him about the visit. I needed a good friend, who I could trust, to talk to about it.
Any way, it was crappy rain, crappy traffic and crappy parking…as I expected. I hate the capital city! When I got there, I told YBBK that I almost didn’t go. His reply was, “I’m glad you came because other wise I’d have been here alone.” What? I said to X, “I can’t believe he said that. I guess I know where I stand…just better than being alone!” X said, “Well he probably didn’t realize he said it but it is probably true.” I couldn’t agree more.
Then, YBBK spent a good portion of dinner talking about GF. He told me he logically knew it was a bad relationship but he couldn’t help but want to be with her. They had such a good time together. It just stunned me. Really, while you were out with her, having her deceive you or listening to her lie to people and basically turning you into a liar and a co-cheater, you were having a good time. Really, she tarnishes your character and you see that as a good time? You want that in life? No, I didn’t say those things to him but couldn’t believe he didn't see that. It turned my stomach. I told X these things and he replied, “Well, obviously he doesn’t have a problem with liars and cheats.” I laughed because YBBK talked about my deception to him as why he broke it off with me. Of course, I now know that wasn’t the real reason. He just didn’t really care all that much for me. I was just better than being alone.
I listened to YBBK because I knew he needed someone to listen. But, it wasn’t easy for me. I told X that and he said, “We’ve all been there. Used or been used by someone for comfort without really caring how much the other person is being hurt.” My “uh huh,” was followed by X saying, “It doesn’t make it right or any easier to take.” But he is right; it is the truth.
The soccer game was fun. It was exciting. The rain wasn’t terrible and it was warm out. After wards, I took YBBK to his car. Actually, I had him drive my car there. I thought he knew how absolutely terrified I was to drive in the Capital City. I’m sure I’ve told him numerous times. But, he seemed to have forgotten that. As I dropped him off, he gave me vague directions on how to leave the city. I was terrified. I'm convinced he didn't care enough to see the fear. He was nice enough to ensure I turned on my GPS but then just sent me on my way. I got a little turned around as I left, I knew I would, and was pretty much hysterical by the time I got on the highway. Okay, so even if YBBK had confidence in me to leave the city, he had to know I was unsure. Yet, did I ever hear back from him…a call/ a text to check on me…anything? No!! X said he thought it was a bit inconsiderate, too. He told me a story about a similar thing that happened to him. It always makes me feel better to know I'm not the only person on the planet who is so sensitve.
When I finally found the highway, I called X. He talked me down. We talked for 2-1/2 hours. The first ½ hour was me whining about the night and how I felt used and hurt. X just listened and validated my feelings. I told him my expectation that YBBK will probably go back to dating GF, keep it hidden from me and then eventually get burnt by her - Scorpions don't change their nature. I told X that I was sad. Sad for YBBK and sad for me for letting myself get wrapped up with someone who doesn’t seem to care about me. It is a hard lesson to learn.
X and I spent the rest of the time chatting about everything else under the sun -work, friends, families, our past, etc. I don’t think X is my next great love. I’m not his type. He likes tall, skinny, very good looking women…none of which would describe me! But, I do love that I have a friend I can call and can depend on. I was there for him a few weeks ago and just the night before last - where we talked for two hours about his work issues. Well that night we talked about ½ hour about work and 1-1/2 hours about other stuff.
But, when he answered the call and said he was watching baseball, I expected him to take the opt out I gave him when I said, “Oh, well I don’t want to interrupt you watching the game.” He must have recognized the tone in my voice (and maybe realized this was the first time I ever called him) and said, “I’m glad you called. What’s up?”
So, while I had a very crappy time discovering disappointing things about YBBK’s character…X is my silver lining. Nice to know I have a friend I can rely on.
Any way, it was crappy rain, crappy traffic and crappy parking…as I expected. I hate the capital city! When I got there, I told YBBK that I almost didn’t go. His reply was, “I’m glad you came because other wise I’d have been here alone.” What? I said to X, “I can’t believe he said that. I guess I know where I stand…just better than being alone!” X said, “Well he probably didn’t realize he said it but it is probably true.” I couldn’t agree more.
Then, YBBK spent a good portion of dinner talking about GF. He told me he logically knew it was a bad relationship but he couldn’t help but want to be with her. They had such a good time together. It just stunned me. Really, while you were out with her, having her deceive you or listening to her lie to people and basically turning you into a liar and a co-cheater, you were having a good time. Really, she tarnishes your character and you see that as a good time? You want that in life? No, I didn’t say those things to him but couldn’t believe he didn't see that. It turned my stomach. I told X these things and he replied, “Well, obviously he doesn’t have a problem with liars and cheats.” I laughed because YBBK talked about my deception to him as why he broke it off with me. Of course, I now know that wasn’t the real reason. He just didn’t really care all that much for me. I was just better than being alone.
I listened to YBBK because I knew he needed someone to listen. But, it wasn’t easy for me. I told X that and he said, “We’ve all been there. Used or been used by someone for comfort without really caring how much the other person is being hurt.” My “uh huh,” was followed by X saying, “It doesn’t make it right or any easier to take.” But he is right; it is the truth.
The soccer game was fun. It was exciting. The rain wasn’t terrible and it was warm out. After wards, I took YBBK to his car. Actually, I had him drive my car there. I thought he knew how absolutely terrified I was to drive in the Capital City. I’m sure I’ve told him numerous times. But, he seemed to have forgotten that. As I dropped him off, he gave me vague directions on how to leave the city. I was terrified. I'm convinced he didn't care enough to see the fear. He was nice enough to ensure I turned on my GPS but then just sent me on my way. I got a little turned around as I left, I knew I would, and was pretty much hysterical by the time I got on the highway. Okay, so even if YBBK had confidence in me to leave the city, he had to know I was unsure. Yet, did I ever hear back from him…a call/ a text to check on me…anything? No!! X said he thought it was a bit inconsiderate, too. He told me a story about a similar thing that happened to him. It always makes me feel better to know I'm not the only person on the planet who is so sensitve.
When I finally found the highway, I called X. He talked me down. We talked for 2-1/2 hours. The first ½ hour was me whining about the night and how I felt used and hurt. X just listened and validated my feelings. I told him my expectation that YBBK will probably go back to dating GF, keep it hidden from me and then eventually get burnt by her - Scorpions don't change their nature. I told X that I was sad. Sad for YBBK and sad for me for letting myself get wrapped up with someone who doesn’t seem to care about me. It is a hard lesson to learn.
X and I spent the rest of the time chatting about everything else under the sun -work, friends, families, our past, etc. I don’t think X is my next great love. I’m not his type. He likes tall, skinny, very good looking women…none of which would describe me! But, I do love that I have a friend I can call and can depend on. I was there for him a few weeks ago and just the night before last - where we talked for two hours about his work issues. Well that night we talked about ½ hour about work and 1-1/2 hours about other stuff.
But, when he answered the call and said he was watching baseball, I expected him to take the opt out I gave him when I said, “Oh, well I don’t want to interrupt you watching the game.” He must have recognized the tone in my voice (and maybe realized this was the first time I ever called him) and said, “I’m glad you called. What’s up?”
So, while I had a very crappy time discovering disappointing things about YBBK’s character…X is my silver lining. Nice to know I have a friend I can rely on.
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