You see it started off with my heart being ever so heavy. Cabana boy texted at 7:41, “Happy February 14”. I’m sure there will be no cards, flowers or presents from him. That will be all I get from him this year. It broke my heart. Then, I receive a text from my Best Friend telling me her back is killing her and she doesn’t think she can hang out tonight. I had already turned down an invitation from another friend. And suddenly the thought of being alone tonight made me absolutely distraught. I knew I couldn’t do it. The only solace I had was I’d walk into my office and my Valentine’s Day surprise from my Faithful Friend would be waiting for me. But it wasn’t there. I proceeded to receive text message after text message from my GFs wishing me a happy VD.
I open my email and there is a message from my Faithful Friend telling me that he almost fell on the black ice. That he has a surprise for me but he didn’t want to try and brave walking up here to drop it off. I thought about walking down to get it and realized how selfish I was being. I decided to write him a poem telling him how much he has meant to me over the years. So, I wrote it. It has been a long time since I wrote a poem for Valentine’s Day…like since the cowardly ex. Finally, I finished it and decided to bring it down to him.
When I got there, the guy with whom I had my first relationship with after the cowardly ex was there. We have remained friends since our break up. But, I hadn’t seen him in a long time. We were together my first newly single VD. I had told him the week leading up to it, how much I was dreading the day. He told me he was spending the night with his cat, as he had several years prior. He inspired me to make brownies and bring them in for all my friends on VD. He is one man that I will always think of, with love in my heart, on VD.
My Faithful Friend read my poem and enjoyed it. He also gave me his gift. A slight twist on the normal theme. Love it!
Later, when I went into the cafeteria, a song was playing on the radio. “I will try to love again. The first cut is the deepest.” This song reminds me again of that year when the cowardly ex left… the first few months with Dev. I wouldn’t call it that a relationship- just two broken people clinging to each other as we navigated the troubled waters of life. The song brought me back to that.
Seems odd that three things bring me back to eight years ago in my life. I was so broken and hurt then. Absolutely devastated. I’m not any more. Just sad that things are coming to an end with Cabana boy. Perhaps this is God’s way of reminding me of where I was so I know where he is. I don’t need to understand that. I don’t want to accept it. I just have to accept it cuz I learned way back then there is a difference between facts and decisions. Too many people spend too much time trying to change facts…as the wise PR once told me. A fact cannot be changed – just has to be accepted. And, whether I like it or not, I have to accept this fact. But, it doesn’t mean I’ll be happy about it.
My only hope is that in accepting this fact, I have somehow grown. And that these indicators of a chapter that is about to close in my life means these 8 years of shitty VDs will be over. That next VD I’ll be with someone I love and who loves me. Maybe, just maybe I can hope for that.
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