Last night

So I haven’t dreamed about him in forever. Not sure what has spurred this on. Maybe it is because I’ve talked about him recently to a few folks. Maybe because I found out that a friend of mine contacted him looking for some help (it really hurt knowing that). Maybe because I have training at mylander tomorrow and know it’s possible I might see him. I’m not sure but here is what I dreamed.

I am in the kitchen. It is a slightly modified kitchen of my childhood…the kitchen counter that separated the kitchen from dining room has been elevated to “bar stool” level. I’m sitting at that and Mike is making food on the stove. While the kitchen looks like the kitchen of my childhood, in my head, it is the kitchen of the house that Mike and I had lived in. We are not living there together. It is pretty much current time…as in he is living with Tammy. So, there is no reason for him to be in my kitchen and I remember feeling like I have every right to throw him out. But, as always with the relationship since he left, I chose not to take the higher road, not throw him out and listened to him whine. He was complaining that a couple of black people had moved into this house. I get the impression that he is living in a rental or at least a duplex where he only has control over part of the house. He says he moved into the front of the house and he is very upset about not being consulted about the black people moving in. His reference to the people seems very prejudicial to me. His implications are that he is upset with Tammy. Next, I remember being concerned that Britt is about to come in and if she will be upset that he is here. She just comes up to me, gives me a kiss, says hello and goes about her business. These actions gave me the thought that she approved of him being there but wasn’t going to waste any time on him. Not sure I remember anything else specific about it. Next thing is I’m out back and he is getting ready to leave – going out the garage. His hands are full of stuff. I am floored that he is “stealing” stuff from my house. I ask him why he’s taking stuff. Tell him he had no permission to do it. I’m furious because while he was cooking, I was getting the feeling that he didn’t want to be with her any more and he is trying to see if I’d take him back. When I ask him about the things, he says, “we need them”. This indicated that he was just using me. It was enough to enrage me to the point that I attack him. I am trying to claw at his neck. I wake up.