Leading up to the trip, there were many phone calls (on his part) to me telling me how excited he was to have me, how he couldn’t wait to see me, missed me and even the “l” word. None of which I responded to all that much, but it did get my hopes up. Maybe this trip would show me that the break up was a mistake…ha!
I arrive and things start out well. He had even made up the extra bedroom to prove to me that he wasn’t expecting anything from me…else it was a ruse. You’ll have to decide. I unpacked and took forever to get ready to go out…only because I couldn’t find anything. But, we went into Windsor and started the tour with a pub. I was hungry and so was he. He bought lunch and beers and said, “you can get the next round.” You could have heard the tires screeching in my head at that point. What, but didn’t you say…”I’ll take care of the rest.” WTF??? Any way, we eat and explore the area. I enjoyed the day immensely. He even cooked me dinner and turned down my request to help.
Day two we go into London and it is there that his attitude started. They didn’t take credit cards for purchases under 10 pounds and two beers were never above that. I bought lunch that day. But he still bitched about having to buy me beer. Cheap ass bastard! I did have fun despite his whiny cheap ass behavior. I drank too much, too.
The third day I was hung over big time. We talk a walk along the river in Windsor and decided to go for a drive to a pub in the country. When we go there, I couldn’t bear the thought of drinking. I had a ginger ale. He ordered a pint and the tab can to less than four pounds. The minimum was 5. I had planned on just paying it and telling the bartender to keep the change – just to keep him from whining. But he paid for it and bitched. My soda cost less than a half a pound. What f-ing bioche!!!!!!! I spent 50 lbs on a curry dinner that night to shut his whiny ass up!
I wonder if he realizes how unappealing it makes him. Even more so is his thinking that he is so worldly and cultured. He isn’t even close. He is so egocentric – if it isn’t London fashionable, then it isn’t fashionable. If you can’t eat as much food as him (considering I’m at least 50 lbs lighter!), then there is something wrong with you. If you aren’t him, then you aren’t right. There is no such thing as “acceptable’ difference. It is his way or the highway! It is funny that he sees himself as charming. But he didn’t understand why I had said he is charming when he tries! I think it insulted him. I believe real charm goes beyond being charming to get what you want. I wonder if being an Indian in the UK gave him an inferiority complex. His reason for being an arrogant, holier than thou, consumed with materialistic goods, putz. Definitely not me!
I figured it all out on the first day. He knew all the “lovely” pubs. Yes, it’s nice to go out for a drink and food, but that seemed like it was the extent of his leisure time. Hmmm.. Then, when we were in London (day 2) and he was bitching about me not exchanging money (hadn’t been afforded the opportunity), I was sure we couldn’t be bf and gf. You just don’t treat a guest, friend or someone you care about like that. I couldn’t stand his stinginess.
He actually thinks he will be a good dad! With his intent on looking good, having the best of things and being so self-centered, there is no way he would make of a good dad. He never approves of anything anyone else does. Those poor kids would be so messed up – they would have no self-esteen. Funny how I didn’t remember what a jerk he can be!
I guess I thought the issues we had when we were together was from the time – me being sensitive and having low self-esteem coming out of my divorce and him still hurting from his divorce. But it wasn’t. He is just a demanding, unrelenting ass who doesn’t care how rude or how much of a jerk he can be.
Oh and he has no sense of humor, either. I can’t believe how horrible it was to try and crack a joke with him. He only liked poking fun at other people. I thought most people out grew that after teens or at least by the time they were 30! Apparently not him, nor his friends.
On the fourth day, I woke up in a good mood, over my hangover, trying to be cheerful and make conversation. He was miserable – such a moody person. He changed plans and instead of staying in the south, he wanted to drive back to Windsor that day. Then he was too cheap to pay for a ticket (6.50) to go into Stonehenge with me…AWESOME by the way. 3000 years old, maintained for 1500 years. And yep, I got to see it!!!! Woo hoo! There was an awesome audo tour (head phones) but I was too afraid to listen to the whole thing because he’d yell I had taken too long. I realized I had become afraid to speak, afraid to move under his constant eye and sharp tongue. What a horrible way to live! We then went to the seaside. I got some sun as we drove with the op down of his porche boxter. Nice car but I was terrified I’d do something wrong and be chastised for it. The beach was nice, it was beautiful weather and I got to “dip my paddies in the water.” But his company was less than.
When we got back to Windsor that day, he was too tired to make dinner… a salad. I volunteered but when he heard me drop something (an onion), he had to come into the kitchen and scrutinize all that I did. I Didn’t was the pepper well enough. Then, I was using the “wrong” knife to chop the pepper. He told me to get out, he’d do it himself. Very calmly (and jokingly but honestly) told him this was why I had said he was anal rententive earlier. I went into living room and started to read. About 5 minutes later, he comes in with a glass of wine, tells me he is no longer hungry, he’s just having wine and I can make my own dinner. As I walked into the kitchen, he said he didn’t want me to make any for him. I told him to fire up the computer and I was going to change my ticket home for the next day. He was flabbergasted and didn’t believe me.
But, my mind was made up. I wasn’t happy about being stuck with him when he was moody but there is no way anyone will ever treat me with such disrespect. There is no way I will put up with that behavior from anyone, ever! So, without losing my temper, yelling or calling names, I changed my ticket and returned home 2 days earlier than planned.
Don’t feel bad for me. Don’t feel sorry. It was a good trip. I came home before it was ruined. I got to see the moors of England, go into the English channel and see the “English Rivera”. I got to see the fields of yellow – not sure what they were, as I couldn’t understand the word he said “something” oil. They make a bio-fuel out of it. I got to see Windsor castle, walk on the Long Walk, explore London, puke on a train (don’t ride backwards when you’ve mixed beer with cinder) and see Prince Harry’s Ferrari (not really that much of a highlight but still). And, I found myself while I was there. I know many more things about me. I am granola – yep still am always will be. Money, cars, expensive furniture ($750 lamp??? Who does that?), fashionable clothes…they don’t impress me. A kind word, a nice smile, consideration, holding your tongue when you want to be mean, intelligent conversation – these things all impress me. I learned I have to pick my travel companions carefully. I can be kind, considerate and hold my head up when I’m being treated poorly but still walk away and don’t allow myself to be a door mat.
When I got home, I didn’t feel the need to tell anyone I was back. I wanted “me” time. I took it and did some home maintenance and self maintenance. And, after all this reflection, I have realized... I am back! I am whole! Everything the ex took from me has been restored through time and the healing power of God. I know who I am and what I want. And, I don’t feel like I have to search so hard for someone. I am happy with who I am and where I am in life. And, I now know, I will never, ever commit Tom Foolery again!!!!!!!
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