a little bit of history

PJ was in a weird mood tonight. He had a rough day and wasn't feeling great - mood wise. I tried to get him to talk about it, but he chose not to. That's okay with me. We aren't in the same state and there are times I just need to talk to someone face to face to be able to make them understand what is going on. I think that was the case for him. He told me he was moody and wanted to be sure i knew that. I dont' ever remember him being moody and I told him so. He told me that was because he was always happy when he was with me. I told him the same went for me. Then he told me about a time when he remembered me not being happy.

"It was the last time I saw you about 1999. I was in the state visiting and took you out to such and such restaraunt. We were standing on the sidewalk of a street by the monument after dinner. And, we hugged each other. And, it was horrible because we both knew it was goodbye. We were both really upset by it. At least I was and you seemed so, too. It was this feeling like we'll never touch each other this closely again. It was sad. I thought the whole thing was wrong but there wasn't anything I could do about it. "

It was interesting to hear that last time I saw him from his point of view. I vaguely remember that meeting and remember how much it broke my heart that we were living so far apart with no chance of the situation changing. I was with the cowardly ex and he was with IG. We were both in the situation where we were considering making the situation permanent and this was our goodbye. It tore my heart to pieces and I promply blacked it out. I didn't remember it until he reminded me of it tonight. It's odd how sad it made me, too.

Anyway, he 2nd to last text of the evening was the absolute sweetest. "I have needed and loved you for a long time." Ditto.