Ex-friend?

So, last week I had another run in with one of my guy friends. He's a bit sensitve and I am wondering if this friendship has any hope of going any further. What do you think?


From: ex friend
Sent: Tuesday, September 22, 2009 1:50 PM
To: me
Subject: Friday

Hey, I forgot to say something this morning. And I guess you could argue it wasn’t the best time due to all the bullshit with the plumbing problems happening last night, but I brought up heading over to your place on Friday and it didn’t fly so well. Nothing sinister about it, just caught a little bit of hell about going over to help you do work when I have a ton of my own that needs to get done. I know you said I didn’t need to help and could just sit and talk while you worked but I guess the blonde realized that I was nuts for saying it and you were goofy for suggesting it… knowing there would be no way in hell I was going to sit there while you worked and not pitch in. You can believe what ya like, but it wasn’t nothing to do w/you as it was she is really pushing me to get this living room moving along faster. I have to admit its been dragging ass. So I think I have to decline on your offer for Friday. At least with three days notice you’ll have time to make other arrangements.


From: me
Sent: Tuesday, September 22, 2009 1:51 PM
To: ex friend
Subject: RE: Friday

K.


From: me
Sent: Tuesday, September 22, 2009 1:56 PM
To: ex friend
Subject: RE: Friday

But please, don’t ever suggest helping me out again because I will never bring it up again, either.


From: ex friend
Sent: Tuesday, September 22, 2009 2:50 PM
To: me
Subject: RE: Friday

Here we go again. Your angry because why? You invite me to come over “I was just wondering if you wanted to come over. You don’t really have to help do the work, but we can have food and you can talk to me while I work. If you don’t want to, that’s cool. I just figured I’d let you know what I was planning on doing”. You specifically say I don’t have to help and we can just talk and have food, but I guess that wasn’t really true. And you said it was “cool” if I didn’t come, but now I tell you no and your mad. Maybe you should have said “if you say no then I will never ask for your help again”. At least I would have had a clue as to what you are really thinking. I try being honest and have everything out in the open and what does it get me. I told you yesterday I needed to check and I did, and got back to you within 24 hrs. I don’t think that was unreasonable either. I really don’t get it. I don’t get your attitude and I really don’t think this situation and the way this “invite” was presented warrant’s the statement below.


From: me
Sent: Tuesday, September 22, 2009 2:59 PM
To: ex friend
Subject: RE: Friday

Helping is just sitting there hanging out with me. That is what my friend Debbie did when I painted the bathroom. That was my intent for you. It was more social than anything. And, since it was a Friday and you have no problem blowing an entire evening on Friday happy hour, I figured this would be fine. That is why I didn’t ask for a weekend or any time like that.

But, this is exactly why I don’t ever ask anyone for anything. Everyone likes to say upfront, just call, I’ll help. This summer I decided to turn over a new leaf and ask for help. But at least 70% of the time when I fucking call them (not just you) or asked for help, it becomes a headache… can’t make it. The weather is bad. The timing is bad. Have other stuff to do. Sick, etc.

So, I’ll never ask another person for help again. I just ask you not to bring it up because it doesn’t seem to happen and I’m better off just feeling like I should rely on myself or pay someone to help me out. And, I’m not angry, just tired of people not being there when I ask. You really can’t depend on anyone in this world…that’s what I told H yesterday. Funny how true it rings today.


From: ex friend
Sent: Tuesday, September 22, 2009 3:19 PM
To: me
Subject: RE: friday

Apparently my effort was futile… in one ear and out the other. Yeah, lets say the hell with everything cause I had to decline this time. I remember just weeks ago I brought my truck in and drove you to pick up your glass for your door and then drove it over to your house for you. And if memory serves just a couple of weeks later I brought the truck in again and was going to help with some other chores. Yes the weather killed those plans but I remember you were so angry at the rain when I talked about waiting to see what actually happened w/the weather you said “fuck it”. And these examples were just recently. I think I’ve done pretty good with helping you out in the past and I still believe my decline this time doesn’t warrant these responses. BUT, if this is what you want, you don’t want my help in anything anymore, then fine. I can disengage from any further thoughts of helping you with anything.

I’m always shocked how something so freakin simple goes to hell as fast as it does with you.

Goodnight.


From: me
Sent: Tuesday, September 22, 2009 3:20 PM
To: ex friend
Subject: RE: Friday

I’m really not sure what your effort was. Yeah you were up front about needing to ask. But that doesn’t change the outcome. The message there was clear…ex friend is too busy to help. Maybe next year when this project is over he’ll be available – that is as he doesn’t start another project. But, if you just want to sit around and drink, then he is available because that is different in some way.

So, the message comes across loud and clear. You can’t see that but then again you’ve never walked in my shoes and you find it all simple, when it isn’t. It is a pattern with most people I know and I’m tired of being disappointed…so I’m not asking anyone for help. It is easier just to do it myself or find someone to pay because then I won’t keep getting let down. Again, not something you can understand, I’m sure. But when you get knocked down enough, you just refuse to deal. I shouldn’t have even written that to you. I should have just never asked again. That was my original intent, anyway.

I figured ex friend wouldn’t receive this before he went home but maybe he did. I didn’t hear anything more on Tuesday. Normally first thing in the morning, he sends an email. I didn’t get one Wednesday, Thursday or Friday morning. So Friday at 10:43, I sent the following email….

I haven’t heard from you in a couple days. And any way I look at it, I find it ridiculous. I don’t know why you’ve decided to just blow me off. If it is some sort of “test”, I’m just as insulted as if you have just chosen it isn’t worth your effort to communicate. I thought maybe you were mad at me Wednesday and still upset yesterday. But now it just seems to “be”. Just because I said I wasn’t going to ask for help, didn’t mean I don’t want to be friends.

Part of me is still upset over things you wrote (accusing me of lying even without realizing you did it is the major one). And, that part says if he wants to end this, then let it be. But part of me knows we’ve been friends too long and doesn’t understand why you are mad at me. Just because I said I wouldn’t ask for help? Almost every time I’ve accepted help from you, you’ve offered and suggested it. I never asked but for the past 3 times this summer/fall. And, it hasn’t gone well any of the times, even when you managed to help out. I really don’t see why my not asking any more should be offensive to you. But, it is and maybe because I got exasperated about it. Maybe you don’t see it as I do or really understand that part of me. I dunno.

Any way, I figured I’d just write this, even though I don’t know what else to say. I am sorry for being so flippant and saying I’m never asking for help again. But, that statement stands. I won’t do it. I hate being let down by my friends and I don’t put myself in that position. Maybe that is why you haven’t written. A lack of response would be a let down. But other than that, I don’t understand. But, it is what it is, I guess.

I still haven’t heard from him. I know I was being a bit of a baby for saying what I did. But the email explains my reaction. And seriously, I feel like he has overreacted to the whole thing…right? He is a bit of a baby. He gets whiny when he doesn’t feel like he knows everything that is going on in my life. But he still has been a good friend for the past few years. I don’t get the response he’s given me and I’m not sure I’d forgive him if he asked. The “not talking” to someone and sulking is so much BS to deal with. I don’t feel like I deserve it. Actually, I don’t think anyone deserves that type of behavior. But, do I deserve him to be so angry and end the friendship???