The dream

I haven’t dreamed about the sleazy ex in a while, so it is surprising that I did this past weekend. In the dream I was in a café sitting at a table set for two. Some random reporter type chick, who was well coifed was either sitting with me or her back to me at the next table. I can’t remember if she started at my table or his. She did start interviewing the ex, though. It seemed like he and I were supposed to be having dinner but instead he started this interview thing. She asked him about our time together and how long it took him to fall in love with the vamp. Of course, I kept heckling the interview, trying to find out why he never made an effort to tell me what was going on with him, work things out, etc. All the open issues that I have with him. I also remember thinking this reporter girl had dated him before or something like that. He finally left the interview without answering my questions nor hers. She then turned to me and told me her interview with him was unsatisfactory. I told her everything with him was unsatisfactory. That he never answered the questions. I told her I was a writer and I could collaborate with her on the book. I told her I had a ton of good written material. She said she’d like that. She asked me if I had ever had a relationship with a female before. At that point, I got the impression she was gay and hitting on me. I told her I did, but probably not in the way she was suggesting. I told her I had a two year relationship with my BFE, who taught me how to trust and love again, but we had never known each other in the carnal way. That’s about all I remember.

Most of this makes sense to me - all the unanswered questions and never really getting closure from the jerk. I don’t’ think it would ever matter. I know he just wasn’t man enough to tell me he wanted more attention… or whatever it was that made him miserable. And, I still resent him for never giving our marriage a try. Thus the outbursts. None of it was as violent as some of my older dreams…so that’s good to see the emotions fading in that way. As far as the reporter goes, I did go see the movie Julie and Julia this weekend. Julie is a writer. So maybe there is where my brain picked the writer from in my dream. And, of course, the answer about BFE just is.

So, really, learned not much from this dream besides and understanding of my insecurities…which are huge when it comes to PJ. I really don’t know how to make him understand without making him crazy. So, I’ll just keep talking to my gfs about it, until they get sick of it