My own island

I'm trying to do better about writing. I know I'm happier when I think and write; it's just I don't do it. Nor do I exercise like I should. Note to self, exercise tonight.

I really am a torn up mess inside. My fault totally for letting PJ get too far inside my head and heart. He doesn't deserve what I've given him. He is being a coward and won't give back.

I'm also turn up because I am so extremely worried about my kid. Time and time again, I've been reassured all will work out for the best, but I can't seem to believe it. I have given up so much for her and it just isn't fair to see it all for naught...at least that is what it feels like at times. I need to celebrate the little victories because they are all I seem to get. But really intead, I need to start letting her be an adult. I hate that.

Mostly I'm a mess is because I hate having to make decisions by myself. I can decide on work stuff almost to the point of dictatorship. But, not my personal stuff. I don't know what I want! There I said it. not just in a relationship, but in life. I don't know where I want to go, what I want to do, or just what I want.

Well, I do know I want Las Tres Amigas back. But I can't have that. Why is it we only want what we can't have? Or more succinctly said, I only want what I can't have. The only other thing I want is to run away to a tropical island, to be waited on by some native...preferably a man with rippling abs, well defined biceps, a pretty face and the only thing all 6' plus of him wants is to make me happy. Oh, and while I'm dreaming, an mojito would be nice.

I bet if I was on that tropical island, Las Tres Amigas would join me!