Ghosts

This weekend I had to interact with he who is Dead to Me. I tried to keep telling myself we don’t talk to ghosts nor do we interact with them, but in the long run, his mere presence caused me to be upset. I should have followed my first inclination and not gone on the trip. But I had told my beautiful friend I’d go and be her roommate. And, I didn’t want him to be the cause of me breaking my word. I know my beautiful friend would understand, but still, keeping my word is a priority in my life.

After the last interaction, I had told GEH all about the pain that DtM caused. GEH had told me it was best to avoid him and not interact. When we discussed it again last night, he helped me to realize it is because DtM wants it both ways. He says he wants to be my friend, but he doesn’t know how to act like one. When I was upset and emailed him last week asking him who he was bringing, he played games with me…using my flirty nickname and not answering my question. Then, he gave me the strong arm, telling me that he didn’t have to get my approval to do anything. Which is the complete “ex-boyfriend” thing to do. But not something a friend would do. A friend would realize that their friend was hurt and upset and want to understand where the pain came from and help to find a resolution. Instead, he treated me like an “ex” and belittled me and attributed mean actions to me. Then, he hung up abruptly and never once attempted to have resolution prior to the weekend. Again…all the actions of an “ex” but not a friend.

When I told GEH how I behaved, calling DtM an asshole, he laughed that DtM tried to make me feel like I was wronging him after all he had done to me. GEH made me realize it is the way DtM has always manipulated me. He is cruel to me and when I finally react in a way not consistent with my nature – most probably in attempts to hurt and/or control me. This is not something a friend does.

This is where the problem lies for us. He doesn’t seem to know how to be a friend to an “ex”. And, this is why he constantly hurts me. He doesn’t seem to understand what it takes to care for someone as a friend. It is probably why he has so few and needs to be completely absorbed in a relationship. Very unhealthy in my opinion but different strokes for different folks.

Any way, the weekend, which was quite painful, has made me realize the following things.
1. DtM does not know how to be my friend. Therefore, I cannot and will not be his friend.
2. GEH understands me and cares for me far more than I thought. And, he truly can handle the insecurities and my inability to trust – just like he told me.
3. According to my friends, I have more gumption than anyone they know.
4. Gumption is not necessarily a good thing, in MHO.
5. It is best not to spend any time with ghosts. For my emotional well being, they are best avoided or ignored.