Yesterday was cuatro de Mayo…aka would have been my anniversary to the cowardly ex. The first year, after we divorced (only months after we separated) we spent the afternoon together. By that time he had moved in with Jezebel and I was the other woman. Ironic. Since then each year has gotten easier. I almost made it through the day without realizing it. But I had to close out some reports at work and looked to see it was the fourth and remembered. But it didn’t make my stomach sink or cause a pain in my chest.
Cuatro de Mayo is BF from HS’s birthday. It is nice to think of it like that. It is the eve of cinqo de Mayo which is more a US holiday since it is not really celebrated in Mexico…I know, I was there for it one year. Actually, it was the year of my 2nd (I think) anniversary.
Any way, the nice thing is I am finally getting over the bitterness and pain of his betrayal. When YBBK betrayed me, I didn’t feel the anger at the cowardly ex that I had felt in the past. The anger for promising me to be there the rest of my life but not. The anger for taking away the last of my child bearing years without more children. The anger for his negative influence on Boo. The anger for his actions causing me to have to be alone during these years that should be full of fun times. None of it was there. I was hurt and betrayed, by yet another man, but I no longer blamed the cowardly ex for putting me into the situation. Progress is good!
And, when I realized it would have been my anniversary (perhaps 9th? But 13 years together) I wasn’t sad. I wasn’t angry. I wasn’t much of anything. Nice!
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