The Problem with Juggling Men

I can’t decide who I like better. Would like to take all the good traits and make one “super guy” (no not super gay – as my roomie and I used to be called!). But, alas, I’m not that good of an engineer. Plus if I were to make one super guy, he’d probably have a super ego or super flaws and where would that leave me but with one super mess. So in the meantime, I’m juggling. I can’t quite say I like it but I’m taking the advice from Mars and Venus Starting Over where the author tells us to date around but not sleep around. The book states you should have one guy on the way in, one on the way out and one current. I’m starting to think the author never tried to live by his own stinking advice because this is not easy and I’m not just talking about the sexual frustration that results from not sleeping around!

Today is Wednesday (yeah you could just look at the post date but I’m making a point here) aka hump day. Not that the nickname bears any relevance on the story other than to emphasis the sexual frustration mentioned previously. Any way on Sunday, Young Man asked me for a date this week. Initially it was set for Tuesday but within a half hour I found a conflict as I needed to take Boo to the airport. So it was then postponed for Wednesday.

Then yesterday (Tuesday) morning, P2 asked me on a date for… yep you guessed it, Wednesday. I declined as I already had plans for dinner. He mentioned maybe coming over and spending time with him and the kids Tuesday evening. In the meantime, Boo gets sick and doesn’t go to the airport. Quite the little sicklette, too, mind you. Barfing all over the place and whining like a baby. Don’t take my flippant attitude toward her sickness as lack of compassion; she gets spoiled during this time. Any way, Tuesday evening with P2 got trumped by the sicklette. So Tuesday evening, P2 asks me for Friday and was awarded the coveted Friday evening spot (not sure who it is coveted by, but it sounds good).

Now somewhere along the line, I gave P1 my work phone number to call, in case he ever wants to make dinner with me (as we often both eat alone and thus nor very healthily). While he told me he’d give me more advance noticed, he decided to exercise that option today at 1 p.m. for , yep you guessed it…tonight – Wednesday. I had to decline. I mentioned Boo’s sickness…as I couldn’t imagine wanting to bring someone into my house and into the presence of the little sicklette. Plus, I already had plans with Young Man and I’d feel bad canceling this late in the game. No other plans were made with P1.

So now here I sit, wondering who the h*ll has ever managed to successfully juggle three men without going absolutely insane. Mind you, I have an electronic calendar backed up by paper (as the stupid computer was a mess this week) to tell me when and where to go with whom…so thank goodness I don’t have to keep that straight. But still, the emotional turmoil I’m going through here is torture. I do like all three guys and hate saying no to them. Maybe that is the problem

Maybe I’m not supposed to like the guys I’m juggling so there isn’t any emotional turmoil to go along with it.

Maybe I’m supposed to be a cold hearted bitch who enjoys disappointing men.

Maybe I need to stop taking advice from self-help books!

More info about me...

Email questionnaire that I filled out and sent back to BFE. Posted here cuz I like my answers and think they should be kept for posterity.

1. What is your occupation?
Self proclaimed absolute ruler of the free world (ARoFW)

2. What color are your socks right now?
nude with pink toenails...oh those aren't socks, they're my feet.

3. The last thing you ate?
does coffee count?

4. Can you drive a stick shift?
oh yeah baby, I can ride on your stick shift all night long

5. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Magenta!

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
we all know I HATE talking on the phone! Ummmm...think it might have been Hybrid's voicemail...live would be C2.

7. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
Not really. I just put up with her cuz she's cute and has an adorable albeit BAD dog.

8. How old are you today?
In Young Man's eyes I'm 26. So I'll go with that.

9. Favorite drink?
Alcoholic... wine, wine, wine...carmenere (aka devil wine)
NonAlcoholic...Is there anything but alcoholic drinks?

10. What is your favorite sport to watch?
anyone in which men are running around half naked showing off their bodies works for me.

11. Have you ever dyed your hair?
I love the 80's - what do you think?

12. Pets?
C2, Boo, Hybrid and a very smelly toy poodle. (didn't' give her the bath last night...ooops!)

13. Favorite Food to eat?
Any, all, everything! Grandma's meatballs.

14. Last movie you watched?
Oh, oh I know this answer! I actually went to the movies last weekend for the first time in months!!! what was the question again? Oh yeah, Mama Mia - fun movie!

15. What do you do to vent anger?
punch the MF who pissed me off.

16. Favorite Day of the year?
My birthday because then I'm not only ARoFW but also Queen!

17. What was your favorite toy as a child?
my little sister.

18. What is your favorite, fall or spring?
Spring

19. Hugs or kisses?
Both. I want both and because I am the ARoFW, I can have both!

20. Cherry or Blueberry?
Another Cherry? (name that movie and get 10 bonus points!)

21. Do you want your friends to email you back?
They don't give a rat's ass what I want. They will either bug me all day long or ignore me at their whim and I'm good with that. All in favor, raise your hand.

22. Who is most likely to respond?
stupid, stupid question

23. Who is least likely to respond?
even stupider.

24. Current living arrangements?
I've got three men I'm juggling, so thank goodness, none are living with me because that would just make juggling that much more difficult!

25. When was the last time you cried?
There's NO crying in baseball. (another 10 bonus points)

26. What is on the floor of your closet?
all my shoes with the door carefully latched closed to keep the smelly beast from eating them!

27. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending this to?
here come the stupid questions again.

28. The friend you have had the shortest that you are sending this to:
stupid

29. Favorite smell?
Sex...not really my favorite smell but it is my favorite thing and well it does have a nice man smell that goes along with it. Plus there isn't a question I've been able to answer sex to yet!

30. What inspires you?
Oooo, ooo, I spoke too soon. Sex!

31. What are you afraid of?
ARoFW has no fears...well except snakes. They just are awful creepy crawlie yucky nasty little buggers.

32. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers?
Cheese! Oh yeah, and bacon. Bacon makes everything better.

33. Favorite car?
One being driven by a very sexy, available man preferably without his shirt on.

34. Favorite dog breed?
The breed is not important. What's important is on the inside.

36. How many years at your current job?
I dunno like f-ing forever. Oh wait, I'm 26 today, so 3 years.

37. Favorite day of the week?
Saturday, obviously!

38. How many states have u lived in?
4 - NY, NJ, PA, MD...wow, I think that's all.

39. How many countries have you been to?
I dunno like 17 or so. I'd have to look it up and I don't feel like it.

40. Today's date and time:
If you don't know and can't figure it out than you are stupider than you look.

Batting average improves!

Last I wrote, I was batting 400. But 2 weeks ago, the batting average improved! I met Young Man at C2 and my favorite haunts. He was there with a few friends. He asked me if I came down town often and I said, "well, sometimes, I guess." When C2 is around, I do go out there often but without her or the Hybrid, I don't. So, then he asked, "Would you like to go out with me some time?" He was cute, so I said yes. He got excited and asked for my phone number. I thought that maybe he'd call. He did...the next day. I've been meaning to blog and mention that I'm now batting 500, but I've been busy.

Young Man and I had a very nice time at dinner last weekend. After I found out his age (he is so young!), I thought that would be it for us. But he is a persistent fellow who will not be swayed by the difference in age. He wanted to go hiking this weekend, but circumstances prevented it. Instead we've been chatting on the phone. He's awesome. I shouldn't let myself go there, but I really like talking to him. I like our conversations - they're intelligent, fun and just go on forever. I spent 2-1/2 hours on the phone with him... and I HATE talking on the phone! I like the way we communicate. I like his excitement for life - yeah, yeah, of course he's excited, he's too young to be jaded! I like so much about him. I told him I was extremely concerned about the age difference. Anyone who is that much older than someone else who isn't - well they are a fool and an old fool at that. He doesn't think there should be an issue - but the younger person usually won't be the one with reservations. Especially when the older person is as hot as me (ha ha).

Yesterday he ended our phone call with, I'll leave it up to you if you want to see me or not. But then he called back about an hour later and asked me if we could go out to dinner as purely platonic friends. I said yes. He's too cute to resist!

The Rejection Letter

So, many moons ago, I was a senior in college. During the search for a “real job”, we would inevitably receive “stall” and rejection letters from companies who have determined that their company didn’t have any opportunities that met with our special abilities. As a matter of tradition, the recipients of such letters would post the letters on their bedroom door – giving prizes to the most original letters or phrases, most letters, etc. – providing entertainment to their fellow seniors.

In recent weeks/months, I’ve been “interviewing” men for the coveted position of my boyfriend. While applications haven’t necessarily been flooding in, it’s been fun and busy time for me. For the most part, interest wanes by one party or the other. The texts, calls and emails become fewer and further between, and the relationship dies a slow natural death. But, in some cases, the communication just stops suddenly.

In one particular case, the applicant went away on a summer trip. I sent him a “welcome home” email but heard nothing in reply. While I thought we had hit it off, I didn’t give his dropping off the face of the earth a second thought as I’ve come to expect such fickle behavior from the opposite sex. But strangely enough, I heard back from said applicant about a month later. And, it is for the entertainment of you my friends that I post the following letter. (no, I won’t put such things on my bedroom door!) While it is the nicest I’ve ever been dumped, I have still removed the names to protect the innocent…

Hello Bella,Came back from holidays about 2 weeks ago - I wanted to tell you that i met someone during the holidays and although its long distance, i should give the relationship with her a chance. So i guess its better we don't see each other although i should tell you that i very much enjoyed our evenings together. You're fun, friendly, smart and beautiful - although we barely know each other, we probably would have had a lot of fun discovering each other more. But life is life and nothing's new right? Hope all is well with you and that you either are taking or planning to take great holidays. take good care, Frenchie

Tale of two princes

Prince #1: He’s tall, dark and handsome: Dark hair, blue eyes, nice body – almost even sexy. As Hybrid says, “he’s an upstanding guy.” He’s honest, sweet, kind and very reserved - the type of guy that would be a good catch for any girl. He’s introverted but seems to enjoy being around people any way. We have a lot in common. We both like to garden, cook, listen to live music, enjoy wine and beer, hiking, kayaking and checking out nature. We’ve had some lovely times together. He is the type of man that will ground me. Reminds me of lyrics to a song:
To me he was Earth
and I rooted in his soil
I to he was Sky vast and free
of the burdens from which he toiled

Prince #2: Light hair, dark eyes, tall – most women wouldn’t find him sexy…unless of course “guitar players make their clothes fall off”. He’s honest, animated, talkative and really fun to hang out with. I feel like I can be my absolute goofy self around him. I cursed him out, threw a fooz ball at him, sucker punched him in the solar plexus all on the first date AND he still wants to date me. He likes my spunk! He thinks all my activities make me interesting. And, we have the most fabulous chemistry.

So what’s the problem? Well yesterday, I totally thought I couldn’t decide between the two. And, after last nights date with P1 and chatting on the phone with P2, I realized why. Prince #2 is too good to be true. I had told Roomie that I was going to write the blog of the imaginary perfect guy…..

Honest, tall (at least 6’), plays guitar (why do I have such a weakness for musicians??), +/- 5 years of my age, lives local, funny, assertive, compassionate, decent body, not manipulative or prone to depression. I want a guy to appreciate and think I’m a really neat person. And, they need to express that to me. They need to tell me I’m pretty, funny, smart and a fabulous person. And they need to give tome like I give to them. And, he must be a Christian.

P2 fits that description to a tee. But, am I falling into the chemistry trap? I have a habit of falling hard for a guy and missing all his flaws. Thinking he’s fabulous, only to find out (about) a month later that I’ve been fooling myself. I don’t want to make the mistake of running headlong into something with P2 and lose P1. But, that isn’t fair to keep P1 around, just in case. I know that. He’s a good person and doesn’t deserve that type of behavior from anyone. M&M says he’s too quiet for me. I’m not sure I agree with his assessment, but I almost feel he is too good for me. If it weren’t for P2, I wouldn’t stop seeing P1. P1 and I are taking it slow, like I’ve been told I should do. The logic part of me says it is the right thing to do. That’s the side I never listen to when it comes to men and where has it gotten me in the past…no where good, that’s for sure. So that tells me not to be foolish and run into something with P2. Are you confused yet? Good, you're right there with me!

I have to decide soon, though. Because I know dating them both is not good for them or me. If you play with fire, someone gets burned and then you’re nothing but a dumb ass arsonist!

A sweet melody

So I picked up the guitar for the first time in months last night. Hybrid played it the other day and made me want to try again. It was interesting feeling. The last time I picked it up, I was trying like crazy to learn to play some songs for church. I really wanted to replace the Michael guitar memories with something good and pure. It didn’t work. My heart wasn’t quite there – not the Jesus part, as I have quite the heart for Jesus. But it was the Jesus-music combination. So, eventually the playing dwindled off and the calluses faded. But last night was different. I played and my heart was there. I almost had 4 songs back. Not completely but within a half hour, I was remembering them without having to continuously look at the music. It felt right!

I’m thinking my emotional healing is a little slow. It was almost exactly two years ago that I gave up on my marriage. Yeah, we had been divorced for six months by then, but he was still giving me the impression that he thought he had made a mistake and was rethinking being such a scum bag. But, the final blow was made the beginning of August and I knew it was over. They say it takes a year for your heart to heal. And maybe that is what happened in the first year. And, after my heart healed, I think I needed to find myself again. Find the things that set my soul on fire. And, I have. This summer I realized I was finally content with my life. I liked hanging with my friends – even the ones who do the last minute blow offs! I love being involved in church and trying my hand at creating for worship. I really want to do that more (even if it isn’t the music portion!). I like going to shows and festival with my friends. I like the amount of physical activity that I’ve managed to incorporate in my life.

I went to bed with a happy spirit last night. Thinking I had gotten yet another part of me back. A part I had thought was gone for good. But, the dream I had last night, that gives me great solace. Maybe playing the guitar triggered it. Long story short, in the dream I realized that I was okay with Michael being gone. I was really okay with it. Sad, that something so good turned out to be so wrong; embarrassed that I had missed the signs that he was sneaking around. But, I’m definitely good with him being gone. Actually, while I said in the past I should be relieved that he left when he did – instead of later in life when something serious would have come along. I am actually relieved! And, I'm glad his negativity has been removed from my life. The dream with all its symbolism revealed to me why I could really play the guitar again.

Oh, and maybe the fact that I met a prince the other day. But that is a whole other story.

Where in the world have you been? A picture essay...