Rorschach Test

This post is not intended for the faint of heart, so I warn you right now, do not read this if you are easily grossed out (most moms can probably handle it). I mean it…don’t be like the people who slow down along the highway to check out the wreck all the while thinking they’ll be able to turn away at the last minute. Then wham! they see what they didn’t want to and they are scarred for the rest of the day and maybe for weeks and years to come. This is your last chance…turn back now!

This morning I receive a panicky phone call from my beloved daughter. All you parents out there know when there is panic in your child’s voice your heart rate leaps, you stomach turns over a couple and you feel a bit dizzy. While this happens to me about once a week (yeah, once a week!), the sympathy panic attack does not lessen over time.

And, I’m sure you are thinking why does a 19 year old call mom whenever anything goes wrong? Well to all you moms out there who have small children and are thinking they’ll be a time when they’re “all grown up,” I have a revelation for you. I don’t believe this happens until we are the ones back in diapers. So just accept this fact now… it will be easier on you.


So the conversation goes like this.


“Hi mom.”


I hear the panic in her voice. I look at the clock and it is 9:30 a.m. My first thought is “oh crap, she slept through her Math final!” I steady my voice and say, “Hi sweetie. What’s wrong?”


“Oh, I just got out of my math final”


(Phew, she actually went to the test. Now she’s going to tell me how hard it was and she thinks she failed it)


“and when I got home, I started coughing and felt sick. I threw up and the throw up is blue.”


“Blue?”


“yeah, it’s bright blue.”


I’m thinking, I’ve never heard of someone having blue puke. That is soo odd. How does this happen? I ask her, “what did you eat this morning? Did you have a slushie?”


“no. I didn’t eat anything blue this morning or last night.”


“Are you sure? Did you drink anything blue? Did you do any drugs?” (I can’t think of any drugs that would turn your throw up blue, but figure I’d better ask!)


“NO! I didn’t do any drugs! I had a math final this morning”


“Okay, I’m just asking. Describe it to me.”


“The throw-up?” she giggles.


“Yes”


“it looks like throw up but it is bright blue!”


I realize we aren’t going to get too far with me asking her any more questions. “Okay, just send me a picture of it.”


She starts to giggle again, “okay.”


I realize just asking for a picture of her throw up has made her feel better. It’s amazing how these things happen. I wait until the picture shows up on my cell phone. Technology is so amazing! I can’t identify anything. I send the picture to my email and post it on my computer and call her back.


“Hey. Are you sure you didn’t eat anything blue? Tell me everything you had today and last night.”


This elicits a big sigh. “I told you I didn’t have ANYTHING today. And, you know what I ate. You were sitting next to me when I had my snacks. I had the mini pizzas and the bagel.”


“Oh that’s it… the blueberry bagel.”


“It doesn’t look like blueberries to me. Blueberries are darker - more like purple.”


She is right, but since she is so argumentative, I can tell she isn’t sick and this seems like a plausible explanation. “Yeah but they dye everything bluish purple. They are going to be diluted looking. It’s from the blue berries.”


“Well, I’m still looking at it and it doesn’t look like it. But if you think that is what it is.”


“yeah, I’m pretty sure your fine.” (I have no idea why the throw up is blue but since she isn’t feeling sick, I’m pretty sure she is fine and I’ve at least calmed her down. I thought maybe at lunch I’d take some time and do an internet search to see if there is any disease I’m missing out on.)


Then the reason for the panic is revealed to me. She asks, “Is blue throw up a symptom of the swine flu?”


At this point I can’t keep from laughing out loud. “Oh for goodness sake! You don’t have the swine flu. And blue throw up is not a symptom!”


“Well you said vomiting is. Doesn’t this count?”


“The vomiting symptom of the swine flu is where you can’t keep fluids or food down. You ate the food last night and kept it down until this morning. You don’t have the swine flu!”


“okay. Can I flush the toilet now?”


“Yes.”


“Okay, bye.”


Then about an hour later I receive a text message from her. And I quote, “Oh yeah, I had a blue lollypop this morning in class…That’s why. LOL.”


I shake my head. And, being the mature adult that I am, I sent the picture to a couple of friends and colleagues to see if they could identify the picture! You wanna see it?