A friend is one before whom I may think aloud

I was in the ladies room today and when I saw the Oprah magazine it made me think of BFE. Kinda funny… unless you know that BFE took me to Harpo Studios with her once. Oprah’s a bitch but the studio is pretty cool. Any way, I started to feel weepy with how much I miss BFE. Of course, I am PMSing…which reminds me of the chocolate story! Oh, so you wanna hear the chocolate story? Well, I do not recall it exactly but it goes along the line of this…

One day BFE and I were talking about PMS. BFE tells me she thinks she might need to blue shed (aka kill) the next person who looks at her. She just felt mean! I told her she needed chocolate. “Chocolate?” she asks. Why of course…chocolate the cure all for all evil symptoms of PMS. I tell her where my emergency chocolate stash is and suggest she help herself. Some time later (that day perhaps or the next) she tells me how great I am for knowing of this chocolate cure. Really? How did she live for a decade past puberty and not know of the chocolate cure for PMS? But she had and now her life would forever be changed for the better, for she was now in on chick secret #27…the cocoa cure for PMS!

Our life together was a lot like that. We taught each other a great many things. Mostly we taught each other to love and trust again. You see, God sent us to each other. We met at a women’s tea at our church. We ended up seated at the same table. I liked her spunk and positive outlook on life. The event would have been a bit boring with out her.

We ended up enjoying the tea. And, until she pointed it out, I hadn’t realized she was missing a limb. I’m kinda clueless like that and felt stupid saying, “oh I hadn’t noticed it was missing.” (duh!!!) And, of course, several times when we lived together, I forgot about it, too. I think she liked my cluelessness. I’d feel bad when I’d forget…like when I signed us up for a kayaking (side note: did you know kayak is a palindrome – it’s the only way I can remember to spell it correctly) trip. She was so capable, that I would literally forget she wouldn’t be able to do it because there are some things you need two arms for. She never got mad at me for being an idiot. Plus, the kayak trip was a riot. She rode with me and she paddled just fine with one arm!

I can think of story after story of the things we did and the way we carried each other through the rough times. I sometimes worry that we didn’t appreciate our time together the way we should have. I think our favorite time was those spent “on the couch” either with a glass of wine or a mug of coffee in our hands. We spent hours in that living room. It is amazing how my house morphed from a place of painful memories of the sleazy ex to one of wonderful memories spent with her. I saw a quote today that describes what we had perfectly, “A friend is one before whom I may think aloud.” (Emerson). And with her, I could open my mind and soul. She is the one person in this world that I never felt the need to hold back from. She loved me and my daughter no matter what. There is no way I can express how much I needed and appreciated that. It means the world to me.

So as I think about our time together, I hope and pray I didn’t take it for granted. I thank God over and over again for what he gave us. He gave us a new hope. He gave us a new way of looking at the world. He gave us our lives back. So now while I cry my eyes out on how much I miss her and how much I’d give to have her back, I realize that in those two years, I lived a life time. And if I never find a life partner, I still can give praise for my amazing life because I met and shared such a special time with BFE!