Lonely Sinking Feeling

So this weekend I got a lot of questions about Firsty. It made me reflect on the relationship, a lot. Then, on the drive to trivia, I heard a song that made me wonder. And I thought I did it all over again. Did I let my insecurities destroy something that was good? Part of me thinks that is what happened.


She says, "I'm getting that lonely sinking feeling,
You know what I mean?"
With his hand on her back he's thinking,
"Where does that leave me?"

Just when I think I've uncovered the secret
To peace and tranquility
That lonely sinking feeling creeps up on me


He says, "I'm seeing those doubt filled
Questioning eyes
And I can't believe it's true"
With her head in her hands she sighs,
"It's me, not you"


Just when I thought that I'd discovered the joy
Of loving one so completely
That lonely sinking feeling creeps up on me

Here in this silent room we wait on ancient ritual
Staring at our hearts
As if they were two caged animals
If I am the first to unlock those rusty doors
Will I be the first found bleeding on the floor?

She says, "I'm getting that lonely sinking feeling,
You know what I mean?"
With his hand on her back he's thinking,
"Where does that leave me?"

But after spending the last few hours with everyone at trivia, I realized it wasn’t. I hurt my wrist playing volleyball. I didn’t mention it to anyone but X noticed. He saw that I was putting it up against my glass and asked the waitress for a bag of ice for me. Then, when she forgot it, he asked again. Even after Firsty noticed it was hurt, he made no effort to help remedy the situation. One could argue that Firsty and I were no long an item, so he didn’t need to ask. But, X and I aren’t an item, either. He just stood up for me and took care of me. Sparkles would do the same. It is what I need from a man. So, while I think I tend to sabotage my relationships, I also think in this situation Firsty was definitely not the one for me.