So I had to go into the sneaky, cowardly, lying, neurotic ex’s building today. I try to avoid contact with him at all costs but sometimes the job comes first. It’s what I get for shitting where I eat entering a relationship with someone who works at the same place. It won’t happen again!
So I thought I had managed to know his whereabouts. But the ADD got the better of me and I forgot I was supposed to be paying attention to the whereabouts of his evilness. I ended up focusing on the mission at hand. I was standing in the hallway with the coworker I had come to see but we were locked out of the office we needed to get into. He said he’d run back and get the key. As he walked away, I realized it was an easy room to break into. So I turned to him and declared I could pick the lock easily but he was gone. I jimmied the lock and looked up to see an older lady looking disapprovingly at me. I flashed to her my biggest, most charming and innocent looking smile. She seemed suspicious and eyed me up. I kept smiling, looked as cute as I could possibly manage and said hello. She decided I wasn’t worth her effort and turned away from me and into her office across the hallway.
In this moment, with the hello and winning smile still on my lips, I turned and looked down the hallway. Who was about 15 feet away but the ex. I know it was about 15 feet because that is the distance that my near sighted eyes start to focus and make out facial features. So as the timing goes, I was smiling still saying hello to the suspicious lady as I saw a blurry face person coming down the hall. I hear a “hi” and recognize his facial features at the same time. And, being the big, brave tough guy I am, what do I do? I bolt into the room I had just unlocked. Yep, that is just what I did. Maybe I was thinking the ex might believe I didn't see him. Yeah, right!
It gets better though. So once in my sanctuary, I take off my coat and make myself look busy like I know what I’m supposed to be doing in this office I've never been in before and just broke into. But hey, I am a most fabulous actress. I sense his presence go by and am relieved that I managed to hide successfully. But no, my life can never be that easy. He comes back and pops his head into the room and asks me, “did you just smile at me?”
Now, of all the wonderful things I could have said to throw back at him the nasty accusations he made of me, to somehow make him ashamed of words he's thrown at me - did any of them happen to pop into my head? Noooooo. The Fast Thinker I like to consider myself to be must have been on vacation or napping or still hung over from the weekend. Did I say, “Why would I smile at you? You indicated any contact made be me was completely unwanted. You did it in writing to ensure I'd never contact you again for fear of a harrassment charge!” Or “After I had been nothing but kind to you, you completely fabricated, in your neurotic little head, a scenario where I was a monster. Why would I smile at you opening myself up to your venom?” Or my favorite way to turn around a situation and avoid answering a question I don't want to answer...to just plainly say, “Why?”
So I thought I had managed to know his whereabouts. But the ADD got the better of me and I forgot I was supposed to be paying attention to the whereabouts of his evilness. I ended up focusing on the mission at hand. I was standing in the hallway with the coworker I had come to see but we were locked out of the office we needed to get into. He said he’d run back and get the key. As he walked away, I realized it was an easy room to break into. So I turned to him and declared I could pick the lock easily but he was gone. I jimmied the lock and looked up to see an older lady looking disapprovingly at me. I flashed to her my biggest, most charming and innocent looking smile. She seemed suspicious and eyed me up. I kept smiling, looked as cute as I could possibly manage and said hello. She decided I wasn’t worth her effort and turned away from me and into her office across the hallway.
In this moment, with the hello and winning smile still on my lips, I turned and looked down the hallway. Who was about 15 feet away but the ex. I know it was about 15 feet because that is the distance that my near sighted eyes start to focus and make out facial features. So as the timing goes, I was smiling still saying hello to the suspicious lady as I saw a blurry face person coming down the hall. I hear a “hi” and recognize his facial features at the same time. And, being the big, brave tough guy I am, what do I do? I bolt into the room I had just unlocked. Yep, that is just what I did. Maybe I was thinking the ex might believe I didn't see him. Yeah, right!
It gets better though. So once in my sanctuary, I take off my coat and make myself look busy like I know what I’m supposed to be doing in this office I've never been in before and just broke into. But hey, I am a most fabulous actress. I sense his presence go by and am relieved that I managed to hide successfully. But no, my life can never be that easy. He comes back and pops his head into the room and asks me, “did you just smile at me?”
Now, of all the wonderful things I could have said to throw back at him the nasty accusations he made of me, to somehow make him ashamed of words he's thrown at me - did any of them happen to pop into my head? Noooooo. The Fast Thinker I like to consider myself to be must have been on vacation or napping or still hung over from the weekend. Did I say, “Why would I smile at you? You indicated any contact made be me was completely unwanted. You did it in writing to ensure I'd never contact you again for fear of a harrassment charge!” Or “After I had been nothing but kind to you, you completely fabricated, in your neurotic little head, a scenario where I was a monster. Why would I smile at you opening myself up to your venom?” Or my favorite way to turn around a situation and avoid answering a question I don't want to answer...to just plainly say, “Why?”
What did I say? Well, you can rest assured that when I’m under pressure I am stright forward. When I am unable to think of something witty, I go with the obvious. While I wish I had thought quicker, been craftier or been witty, I can proudly state I was honest.
“Did you just smile at me?”
“Did you just smile at me?”
Quite honestly and simply put, “No, It was a mistake.” He turned away dejected (I think). I was laughing. I’m not sure why. I guess I thought the honest truth was funny. Maybe I thought accidentally smiling at him was funny. Something like that could only happen to me!! I just found the whole scenario hilarious.
If he had turned back to look, he would have seen me giggling. And maybe, he would have ended up walking away feeling better about the whole thing. But, after all, he is a coward. Andhis cowardice is the sad reason why he is who he is and why he’s done the despicable things he’s done. And, it’s why I deem his actions despicable - because I am the furthest thing from a coward…well except for running into the office and trying to avoid him. But seriously, I have that nasty little hate-gram from him hanging over me. It was self preservation at work. Ha!
If he had turned back to look, he would have seen me giggling. And maybe, he would have ended up walking away feeling better about the whole thing. But, after all, he is a coward. Andhis cowardice is the sad reason why he is who he is and why he’s done the despicable things he’s done. And, it’s why I deem his actions despicable - because I am the furthest thing from a coward…well except for running into the office and trying to avoid him. But seriously, I have that nasty little hate-gram from him hanging over me. It was self preservation at work. Ha!
2 comments:
Wow. that's really funny. i was picturing you picking that lock and giving that lady that "innocent" look. too funny!
You know my innocent look has been used for decades and is well tuned! I'm pretty sure she didn't fall for it though!
Post a Comment