Sad and confused

My heart is breaking and I’m not sure who to talk to or how to handle this. I’m not even sure it is an issue. Last night, we went to bed and Cabana boy fell asleep right away. The night before, I had fallen asleep. He is going away for the next several days, so I thought for sure he’d want to have sex. We usually have it every night sometimes 2-3 times a day. So, (due to his work) after having been apart and knowing we’d have to be apart again, I thought for sure he’d want to last night. My feelings were so hurt. Seems crazy that I tie so much to it, but it just seemed odd to me.

I couldn’t sleep so I got up. I went downstairs and cleaned the kitchen. We had cleaned up most of it after dinner but I left a lot of stuff dirty in the sink so we could be together. So, since he was asleep, I went down and did the dishes. When I was done, I went back to bed. He awoke and asked me what was wrong. I told him I had only come to bed because I thought that we would fool around and when that didn’t happen, I got up to clean. He immediately replied, “You fell asleep last night.” I pointed out that things seemed strained lately and wanted to know what was up with him. He launched into an explanation that didn’t make sense to me. He said he was married for a long time, then in a 4 year relationship where it was constant fighting. He had no energy left to fight. I didn’t get it. I asked if he thought I was trying to fight with him. It didn’t feel that way to me. He didn’t answer. I told him I don’t feel like I ever give him shit about anything. That I must be a bigger bitch than I think I am. I rolled over to try and sleep. He told me that I wasn’t a bitch. But, he didn’t explain any more to me. I told him I just wanted him to open up to me. If he didn’t want to date any more to tell me. He never said another word to me. Just drifted off to sleep.

I have no idea what is up with him. I don’t know if he is going through stressful stuff. I don’t know if he was just exhausted last night. I don’t know if he is second guessing our relationship. I am so perflexed.

This morning, he acted like nothing happened. Kissed me good bye and hugged me. Then, kissed me good bye again. And hugged me twice. He rarely hugs. So, that threw me for a loop. He said he’d see me Saturday.

I just don’t know what to think. What was last night all about? I’m so sad that he won’t talk to me. I’m sad that I care so much and I can’t figure out where he stands. I’m sad about so much. Part of me wants to hold on hope that he was just stressed and tired. But if that was the case, why didn’t he just tell me that. It was all I needed to hear. There has to be something more he doesn’t want to talk about. So of course, I fear the worst. Problem is, as of late, my worst is usually right. :(