Waiting for the Ice to melt

I haven’t told him yet that I love him. I’m terrified to do so. I’m not sure how he will respond and I don’t want to hit any major road bumps. Every week I tell myself, next week I’ll tell him. That I just need a little more time. But next week never comes.

He is the most honest man I have ever met. And, considering the liars that I’ve had to deal with in the past, I think only someone like him could gain my trust and love. There is no pretense about him. Every time I start to get anxious or insecure, I remember who he is. He isn’t a guy who’ll start a relationship with another person while having one with me. He isn’t a sneaky, lying, cheating dirt bag. He isn’t the man who says he loves me but can’t be with me and not be able to explain why. He isn’t a guy who’ll have sex with me and then get out of bed and go online seeking out other women. He doesn’t say one thing and do another. He means what he says and doesn’t operate in the darkness. This is why I love him. So, why can’t I trust him enough to tell him?

He doesn’t open up to many people. It makes me feel so special that I’m someone with whom he’ll talk with for hours. Most people don’t get more than a few minutes of small talk. He is wickedly funny and crazy sarcastic. And, when he thinks he has hurt my feelings with his humor, he takes me into his arms and makes sure I know he was joking.

He doesn’t read women well. He needs for me to be direct and if I am hurting to tell him. This is difficult for me. I’ve realized that it is very difficult for me to open myself to him. But, I’m working on it. I have to remind myself that he’d never intentionally hurt me and therefore, it should be easy for me to tell him when he does. I know he’d do anything I’d ask.

He is beautiful. He has a beautiful face. His arms and chest are absolutely gorgeous. His ass is perfectly shaped. I think because he isn’t tall, he truly doesn’t know how sexy he is. However, I think he knows how fantastic he is in bed. I’m pretty sure he has had many partners and a lot of experience. I don’t ask these questions but can tell by how good he is at making me get the big O. I am having the best sex of my life. He constantly asks me what I want and will do anything I ask. With him, I’ve had the most, the most intensive and the best O’s I’ve ever had…over and over again. Every night, he can go for hours. And, less than an hour later, go again. I’ve never met a man who can keep up with me. He exhausts me every time.

Part of me fears this physical aspect of our relationship is why I’m afraid to tell him I love him. What if he decides that is too much to bear and walks away. I don’t want to lose the sex. But, I also know, I don’t want to be in a “sex only” relationship. I need for him to love me, too. I guess that is why I’m afraid to tell him. I need for him to love me too. And if he doesn’t (yet), I don’t want to pressure him. He is the guy who waits for the ice to melt.