Anger

I unleashed my anger on YBBK on being treated unjustly by him.  He now wants to terminate our friendship.  Fucking pussy.  I know I was wrong in skirting the issue/lying but no so wrong to throw out something so good.  There has to be something more that he isn't being honest about - either with me or himself. 

I asked him to man up.  I doubt he will.  He's made up his mind to run away from this.  I think it is an absolutely stupid decision on his part.  I don't think he'll find what we had with anyone else.  I could be wrong.

So, in the long run, I was really wrong.  I was wrong to have believed in him.  I was wrong to have thought he was emotionally stable and trustworthy.  I opened up to him only to have him tear me apart.  It sucks. 

I suck at picking men.  It seems like every man my age is a broken mess.  I know I have my issues but dang, I work on them.  I don't run away like a fucking cry baby.

I think I just need to go out and play in the snow and try to forget the adult world and all it's complexities.  Part of me just wants to climb in bed and never get out, too.  ugh!

...
Oh great. To top it all off PJ just called. WTF? He said he’s been concerned about me since we never spoke after Mom passed and he’s seen my FB status. Really? You are the mf that dumped me because you didn’t have your shit together. F-ing Really – you now want to call and offer me comfort. F-off!


What is it with men who hurt you and think you want them to comfort you? PJ had his chance and then months after his chance where he could come back into my life. I don’t even think he wants back in more that to clear his conscience.

And YBBK…”I wish I could hug you and make it better”. Fuck you, you could but choose not to. Really, all he wanted was to fuck me and when he got bored of it, he ran off. Stupid me thinking he had feelings for me. I forgot the number one rule of men…they are jerks.

Go to hell. All of you can go to hell. I will land on my feet. I always do. I don’t need a fucking man for anything but sex. And that isn’t a need but a nice to have. I can take care of myself and when I need a friend, I have plenty…why? because I am a good friend who doesn’t abandon people…fucking duh!

I sometimes think I run away, but really, I don’t. I sometimes wait a bit to let things cool down. But I take care of stuff, I know I do. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to stand on my feet like I do