I need snow

There is a storm coming tomorrow and I pray it will hit hard.  I need the snow.  It always comes when I need it.  When I was a teenager, I remember the first time I needed it.  I sat on the arm of the couch and watched out the window as it covered everything that was so bleak and ugly.  It was as if Mother Nature was showing me how she can take a vast wasteland and make it better.  It brought comfort.

Then, when the lying, cheating ex left.  We had a very snowy December...snow for Christmas, for me.  By then, I had grown enough in my faith to believe it was God showing me how he can make beauty from the ashes.  It brought me peace.

Last year, I tell my friends, the storms were once again my fault.  PJ broke my heart and the snows came.  Again I felt like a child being blessed and comforted.  It was as if God was telling me, you feel sad now but I can wash away your pain and make it beautiful again.  There is so much out there for you.  It brought me hope.

So now, here I am without comfort, peace or hope. Feeling like I brought everything on myself. I've made the bleak mess of the world that I see outside my window.  And, we are expecting 5".  I hope it's more.  I really hope it's enough to shut the city down.  I need it.  I need to feel that God is showing me, that despite the mess I've made, despite the void I feel having lost so much in such a short period of time, that everything will be alright. That I have my friends, I have my health and still have family.  That there is beauty in the world and once again I'll be child like.  I want to believe that this snow is God's way of bringing back to me me comfort, peace and hope.  Cuz, I need that right now.  I need my faith everwaving that it is.