Pookie

I went to lunch with Pookie today.  Since MM's balls are still on e-bay, he couldn't come.  it was better this way, though.  I needed someone to talk to and she's one I trust.  She took my phone to help prevent me from contacting YBBK.  He asked for a breather and I wanted to give it to him.  Whatever I can do for him, I will.  But if I held the phone, I think I'd have too much temptation to text or call.  She said she'd watch it and if Boo or anyone from work or family called, she'd let me know.  Otherwise, she's holding it hostage til the end of the day.  :) She's such a good friend.

She mostly listened.  She even validated me.  When I told her when I was questioned about the guy on Saturday, she said, "but you didn't date him!"  She's journeyed with me through the past couple of years, so she'd know.  It made me feel so good about my thoughts and intentions.  I was so afraid I meant to deceive but in her eyes, I wasn't wrong.  She promises me she'd tell me and I think she would.  I think I'm caught between the world of young people's definitions and my age. She said, "you talked to him and hung out, but no way I'd call that dating.  When there is definition and intention, there is dating."  She also told me that PJ is the one I should have told him about.  That he was the one man I dated and should be telling YBBK about.  She had no idea that is what I did, which validated my thoughts all the more.
Of course, her eyes aren't the ones that matter right now.  But, it did make me feel better.  It made me realize that while I hurt the one person I never wanted to, it wasn't as outright deceptive as I was afraid I had done or he may believe.  It couldn't be or Pookie wouldn't have said what she did before even knowing that was what the fight was about.  She assured me that I am a honest and giving person.  I didn't tell her I was feeling like I wasn't but she must have known because those are the two words I was most concerned I had done injustice to.

She mostly told me I was going to be okay.  That this isn't something that should destroy something so good, but if it does, it wasn't meant to be.  I like to hold onto that and believe it.  She told me I was beautiful and that men adored me...hee hee.  She did tell me that and did want me to believe it so I wouldn't feel so bad about myself.  She knew I was beating myself up and feeling very ugly.  She is a smart girl.   

We went to get Pho since I can't stomach real food.  I ate a couple of bites and that is it.  So she bought me coffee.  Man cannot leave on bread alone...but woman can live on coffee!  Funny girl. We even laughed a bit.