Sick

I woke up quite sick this morning.  Actually I think it is from lack of sleep and dehydration.  I managed to drift off last night but woke up within the hour.  Killer poodle wanted to go out, so I went downstairs for a bit.  My mind started racing and I was up for a couple hours.  I kept trying to fall asleep, but to no avail.  Finally, I went back upstairs.  Then around 2:45 (less than an hour after I fell back asleep), Killer heard some noises and was growling up a storm.  I couldn’t figure out what it was so I did a tour of the house.  I really need a baseball bat for such times (since I’m terrified to have a gun around).  I searched around while Killer cowered at the top of the stairs.  All along, thinking of the people in horror movies that you yell at….”hey follow the dog’s lead and stay safely upstairs!”  I opened the basement door (I tell you this has horror movie written all over it!) to peak down and Killer comes racing and barking down the stairs.  She scared the crap out of me.  My search revealed nothing and the noise stopped, so we went back upstairs.  The adrenaline kept me up for another hour or so.  I’m sure my state of mind had a lot to do with it too.

But, I did awake to snow.  It came for me.  I decided that the head and stomachache are probably symptoms of dehydration and the throwing up.  I’ll try to drink some seltzer today – the fizz should settle the stomach.  And, drink some broth.  That should help, too.  I still can’t eat.  It’d be nice to have some of “mama’s” potato soup but I have plenty of fat to live on right now, so I should consider this a blessing.

I called out to work and am working from home (can’t you tell).  Actually I’ve got to get my goals and objectives done and I think it will be better to do it here without interruption.  I got some reviews done yesterday so I don’t feel like a complete loser for not getting work done.  Then, I'll go out and play in the snow. 

YBBK has me completely perplexed.  I think all he wants is a friendship right now.  I’m trying to give that to him since I absolutely adore him.  But I’m afraid it won’t be long til he’s back online and then completely ditching our friendship when he finds someone.  It will devastate me, I know.  But, I’m not really ready to let him go.   I miss him so much.  I can’t even fathom dating anyone right now and thinking that even once he does, I won’t.  I don’t want to cocoon and shut out any possibilities but I’m sure it will happen.  The ice queen will return. 

I at least am not feeling sorry for myself, though.  The shelter work helps to prevent that.   I played with and put to sleep a homeless baby.  He’s about the age of my “niece” who has a billion toys.  He plays with shoes and the toiletry items of the other guests at the shelter.  I want to bring him toys, but pretty sure that is against the rules.  Then there was my 6 year old friend.  She won’t eat unless you feed her.  She craves attention.  So I was gave her that attention for the evening.  She finally let loose her anger in the play area where she threw the toys around.  I just wanted to take her home with me and give her “normal”.  She at least had both a father and mother with her.  Finally there was a lady my age I spoke with.  It is bad enough she lost everything due to a serious of knocks, but she told me of how much dignity is lost and how she has lost her faith.  It is like a smack to me…I struggle with mine with such little obstacles compared to what she has.  I told her not to beat up on herself about it.  I wanted to take her home too.  My friend who worked with me told me she felt the same way and we should start our own shelter.  I wonder if that is possible.