Don’t Jinx It

When I was younger, it seems like every time I’d get excited about something, my hopes would get dashed and I’d end up disappointed. Over time, I’ve learned not to get too excited, too soon about things – as I expect the worst. Like my trip to Kenya. I did not get excited about it until we crossed the equator (which meant my flight to Africa was like 98% over). Then the excitement of visiting a place I always wanted to go just overwhelmed me. I could barely sit in my seat.

What I realized, though, is that I missed out so much by suppressing my excitement. I decided that I needed to start getting excited over things I am anticipating sooner. I’ve tried, but the learned behavior of my childhood seems to hang over me like a dark cloud.

This weekend, I’m going away for a “ski” weekend. Mother Nature has a little something to say about that and has put a damper (quite literally) on the weekend. But, I am still excited. I am positive that this is “the charm”… third time skiing this season and I will get the hang of it. I had better or else I’m thinking it’s the third strike.

I am a very coordinated and decently conditioned athlete. I should be able to pick up skiing no problem! But, I get scared when I go too fast and forget everything I know about skiing. I actually think I have panic attacks or maybe just anxiety attacks while skiing. Of course, it isn’t the speed I’m scared of. I love speed…but it’s the lack of control and the fear of broken limbs! There is no way I want this fear to rule me on that mountain, though. I need to find a way to conquer it!

This is the same way I feel about my relationship with YBBK. He is amazing. He brought 2 desserts to share last night. I know it seems silly, but little things like that mean the world to me. He is so thoughtful and caring for me. It is the way BFE is and I try (but don’t always succeed) to be. It gives me such a warm fuzzy.

I’m so glad that we are going to spend the weekend together. I’m actually excited…I’ve let myself get there. I’m just hoping by doing that, I haven’t jinxed it. Silly me…being superstitious like Lil Sis.

But, I do usually keep my big mouth shut (and busy hands quiet) when things are good because I don’t want to jinx it. So excuse me while I go knock on wood to counter this post!