Butterfly Logic

I once was told, “It’s like when the butterfly lands on your shoulder. You know it probably won’t stick around but there is no reason to not enjoy it for as long as you can.”

That’s how I feel right now. I love that I get to talk to and spend time with YBBK. Things just feel so good and right when we are together. I think about him often when we are apart (at work, our respective homes, etc.) I want to talk to him all the time. It seems weird for me to feel like that, as I rarely feel that way about people. I hold back because I want him to have all the space he needs.

I try not to think about the future. I suspect he has a ton of turbulence going on inside that he doesn’t tell me about. I try not to press. But, wish he would trust me with it. I do wish he could see inside my heart and know how much I care. I think he may have an idea. But if he truly understood, he’d know he could tell me anything. I so want his happiness.

I know I’ve opened myself up for potential hurt later. But I also know I’ve been hurt before. I’ve thought this is my “life partner,” “this is my soul mate with whom I’m meant to be;” “this is the person why no one else worked,” and each time I was wrong, devastated and completely broken. But, I healed. Each time I healed and became stronger. And if the butterfly takes flight, I’ll heal again.

So, while I have the opportunity to be this happy and have this much fun, I’m going to do it.